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General Parenting
"Defiance" is diagnosis of child therapist
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<blockquote data-quote="Allan-Matlem" data-source="post: 55115" data-attributes="member: 10"><p>Hi,</p><p>I don't think a situation where your kid is ' loosing ' and you ' winning ' would improve things. I don't believe that we can break kids into submission , they will resist even more. Even behaviorists , and I am not , say that honey catches more flies than vinegar so use positive reinforcements. personally I prefer workingwith -problem solving approaches like that of the explosive child , not a doing to approach.</p><p></p><p>I think the starting point has to be - relaxing the environment , putting behaviors into basket c = ignoring in the time being and trying to bond , connect in one and one time , using dialog questions to direct conversation , you listen , she speaks. Try to focus on perspective taking, empathy , addressing concerns - what's the problem first and then look at solutions. It is easier to talk about non emotive issues first , stories , new s items, your experiences , video story etc what she thinks, what the kid in the story thinks , how could they solve the problem. Avoid saying NO , we set limits also when we reach mutually satisfying agreements. This is not a quick fix , it is a process ,but helps the relationships and promotes various cognitive skills that may be lacking. I recommend getting the latest edition of the book , the explosive child and trying to find out what is getting in your child's way. Greene says kids do well if they can , not kids do well if they want to. Defiance can be explained as pure choice or a learning disability in areas for eg frustration tolerance , flexibility and adaptability</p><p></p><p>I hope this helps</p><p>Allan</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Allan-Matlem, post: 55115, member: 10"] Hi, I don't think a situation where your kid is ' loosing ' and you ' winning ' would improve things. I don't believe that we can break kids into submission , they will resist even more. Even behaviorists , and I am not , say that honey catches more flies than vinegar so use positive reinforcements. personally I prefer workingwith -problem solving approaches like that of the explosive child , not a doing to approach. I think the starting point has to be - relaxing the environment , putting behaviors into basket c = ignoring in the time being and trying to bond , connect in one and one time , using dialog questions to direct conversation , you listen , she speaks. Try to focus on perspective taking, empathy , addressing concerns - what's the problem first and then look at solutions. It is easier to talk about non emotive issues first , stories , new s items, your experiences , video story etc what she thinks, what the kid in the story thinks , how could they solve the problem. Avoid saying NO , we set limits also when we reach mutually satisfying agreements. This is not a quick fix , it is a process ,but helps the relationships and promotes various cognitive skills that may be lacking. I recommend getting the latest edition of the book , the explosive child and trying to find out what is getting in your child's way. Greene says kids do well if they can , not kids do well if they want to. Defiance can be explained as pure choice or a learning disability in areas for eg frustration tolerance , flexibility and adaptability I hope this helps Allan [/QUOTE]
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"Defiance" is diagnosis of child therapist
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