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General Parenting
"Defiance" is diagnosis of child therapist
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<blockquote data-quote="helpmehelphim" data-source="post: 55168" data-attributes="member: 2650"><p>We heard this same exact thing from a few different therapists. I completely agree with- Smallworld...I would run, not walk to someone other than a therapist. I can say that now after spending so much time getting the type of advice that you just received and feeling that same confusion that you address in your post. </p><p></p><p>All therapists have different approaches and different philosophies that they adhere to. Some follow Piaget, Freud, etc., etc. Some are behaviorists and some are not. Some believe in approaches that work with the child to help them learn and others believe in behavior modification among other things. I found the most important thing to do is find a professional that matches my own parenting philosophy. That philosophy has changed a great deal for me over the the last few years. When my son's illness didn't mesh with- my parenting then I changed my parenting...not everyone goes that route, but I decided that he needed different things and that it was important for me to meet him where he was at the time and go from there. He has gotten much better. That's an individual decision. </p><p></p><p>We have a wonderful psychiatrist where we live near Raleigh, NC that just the other day said to me, "when a child is drowning, that's not the time to teach them to swim". That's how I feel about it right there...when the child is able to feel calm and secure, then we can teach them better how to deal and cope (which will decrease the defiance in our own experience). There are different ways of helping them get to that state...many different ways. </p><p></p><p>I understand what you are saying completely. You know what you are comfortable with in terms of treatment for your child. If you believe that what is going on is truly motivational (child is not motivated enough to do well) then you know that. That wasn't our experience at all. My son was totally motivated to do well (although people thought he wasn't because his behavior was different) and being strict, punishing, having too high expectations couldn't motivate him because it wasn't for lack of motivation...there were cognitive and emotional issues at play that had to be addressed so that he could have a chance.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="helpmehelphim, post: 55168, member: 2650"] We heard this same exact thing from a few different therapists. I completely agree with- Smallworld...I would run, not walk to someone other than a therapist. I can say that now after spending so much time getting the type of advice that you just received and feeling that same confusion that you address in your post. All therapists have different approaches and different philosophies that they adhere to. Some follow Piaget, Freud, etc., etc. Some are behaviorists and some are not. Some believe in approaches that work with the child to help them learn and others believe in behavior modification among other things. I found the most important thing to do is find a professional that matches my own parenting philosophy. That philosophy has changed a great deal for me over the the last few years. When my son's illness didn't mesh with- my parenting then I changed my parenting...not everyone goes that route, but I decided that he needed different things and that it was important for me to meet him where he was at the time and go from there. He has gotten much better. That's an individual decision. We have a wonderful psychiatrist where we live near Raleigh, NC that just the other day said to me, "when a child is drowning, that's not the time to teach them to swim". That's how I feel about it right there...when the child is able to feel calm and secure, then we can teach them better how to deal and cope (which will decrease the defiance in our own experience). There are different ways of helping them get to that state...many different ways. I understand what you are saying completely. You know what you are comfortable with in terms of treatment for your child. If you believe that what is going on is truly motivational (child is not motivated enough to do well) then you know that. That wasn't our experience at all. My son was totally motivated to do well (although people thought he wasn't because his behavior was different) and being strict, punishing, having too high expectations couldn't motivate him because it wasn't for lack of motivation...there were cognitive and emotional issues at play that had to be addressed so that he could have a chance. [/QUOTE]
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"Defiance" is diagnosis of child therapist
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