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Denial and gut feelings
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 696224" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Waiting until school to see how he functions there seems like a plan, with a drawback. It is to wait until your stepson indicates by his inability or difficulty functioning, which means he would experience distress. While I agree that your husband should try to be in the loop for input: that is, establish a direct relationship with the teacher, the mother will have control. There is no going around this that I can see.</p><p></p><p>I think it is a set-up to knowingly send a child to a school situation that he cannot handle. I have done it. And I have had the kind of denial that does his mother. On the other hand, for a potentially high-functioning child, that seems in some way off, to be sent to a school program that is wrong--where there are low-functioning children, and he is not--is very wrong.</p><p></p><p>It matters if a 5 year old child experiences a train wreck at school, and it matters if he can be helped to avoid it. This is about a child, not about who is right or wrong.</p><p></p><p>But I would approach this as: How can he be best integrated into and prepared for life<em>, in the setting that will maximize that. Not, What is wrong with him. </em>Of course, the diagnosis matters, but only to the extent that it illuminates the remedy so that he can be helped in the specific way that he needs--as I see it nobody yet knows what is going on. How do they know how to deal with it properly if they do not know what <em>it </em>is.</p><p></p><p>There are Child Developmental Psychologists who work in large regional children's hospitals. Nearly every medium to large city has a children's hospital. He can receive a battery of tests by a neuropsychologist and he will meet with a psychiatrist. My son did this when he was about 3.</p><p></p><p>Can an appointment be arranged to take him to be evaluated by a neuro-psychologist at a Children's Hospital on this trip to see him?</p><p></p><p>Many parents are motivated to do this because they disagree with the schools. Schools can be wrong, too. Or guess at what is going on. Your husband can tell the mother:<em> We need to have him assessed so that we can advocate for him effectively with the school</em>. It is not taking a position one way or another that something is wrong. It is saying: <em>how can I help my son.</em></p><p></p><p>As I remember the very basic screening they do before kindergarten, is not very high tech. The placement in the special education school might be exactly the wrong thing to do. He could have one need, and receive the exactly wrong intervention--unless somebody who is expert knows what is going on and tells the parents. So they can do the right thing.</p><p></p><p>I hope it works out for the child and that he is helped.</p><p><em></em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em></em></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 696224, member: 18958"] Waiting until school to see how he functions there seems like a plan, with a drawback. It is to wait until your stepson indicates by his inability or difficulty functioning, which means he would experience distress. While I agree that your husband should try to be in the loop for input: that is, establish a direct relationship with the teacher, the mother will have control. There is no going around this that I can see. I think it is a set-up to knowingly send a child to a school situation that he cannot handle. I have done it. And I have had the kind of denial that does his mother. On the other hand, for a potentially high-functioning child, that seems in some way off, to be sent to a school program that is wrong--where there are low-functioning children, and he is not--is very wrong. It matters if a 5 year old child experiences a train wreck at school, and it matters if he can be helped to avoid it. This is about a child, not about who is right or wrong. But I would approach this as: How can he be best integrated into and prepared for life[I], in the setting that will maximize that. Not, What is wrong with him. [/I]Of course, the diagnosis matters, but only to the extent that it illuminates the remedy so that he can be helped in the specific way that he needs--as I see it nobody yet knows what is going on. How do they know how to deal with it properly if they do not know what [I]it [/I]is. There are Child Developmental Psychologists who work in large regional children's hospitals. Nearly every medium to large city has a children's hospital. He can receive a battery of tests by a neuropsychologist and he will meet with a psychiatrist. My son did this when he was about 3. Can an appointment be arranged to take him to be evaluated by a neuro-psychologist at a Children's Hospital on this trip to see him? Many parents are motivated to do this because they disagree with the schools. Schools can be wrong, too. Or guess at what is going on. Your husband can tell the mother:[I] We need to have him assessed so that we can advocate for him effectively with the school[/I]. It is not taking a position one way or another that something is wrong. It is saying: [I]how can I help my son.[/I] As I remember the very basic screening they do before kindergarten, is not very high tech. The placement in the special education school might be exactly the wrong thing to do. He could have one need, and receive the exactly wrong intervention--unless somebody who is expert knows what is going on and tells the parents. So they can do the right thing. I hope it works out for the child and that he is helped. [I] [/I] [/QUOTE]
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