For those of you with kiddos that tend to the depressed end of the spectrum along with some learning issues (e.g. difficult child 1) I am wondering what your thoughts on whether you can teach kids perservance. Is there something in our difficult children that even when they appear to be motivated, they lack the drive or ability to perseverve? Is perservance an inborn thing, how do you teach kids that most things in life you have to work to get? Most easy child's I would guess learn that life lesson as they go along. I have a 15 year old who has just flunked his learner's permit test twice because he won't study the book, now he says he is too stupid to learn it, etc etc. He should be pretty motivated, but he doesn't want help, won't study it on his own. We would work every night with him on it if he wanted in small chunks. He had a friend over today who when he heard that difficult child flunked the test again told him straight out that you have to work to get what you want. I almost fell off my chair. Imagine having a kid who thought that about life. Sometimes I wonder if because we put so much in basket B in the elementary school ages to not get all the explosions etc that he missed some essential life lesson along the way. He will work on some things he is interested in, but he gives up so easily. And if it is mildly unpleasant like school work, I think he thinks he is almost literally being tortured. Some things at school are difficult, but his reading is on grade level, he's now typing etc. School has been very accommodating with his disabilities, but bottom line is that difficult child doesn't believe he should have to do the work. He does it minimally, then flunks the tests. He has done better in classes with lower expectations, small numbers of kids and a teacher who he has forged a relationship with. Do you just wait until they have failed enough times in their life, have self esteem in the toilet, finally maybe have some motivation? what can one do as a parent, beyond just not bailing them out or enabling them? We have very few incentives (computer time mostly) to reward work with and we use them to some effect. He's not an unpleasant kid (for a 15 year old) to have around, reasonably compliant with basic requests etc. But I feel there is this whole part of him that needs to be developed. Any experiences/ideas? TIA P.