You guys see my depression in every post. You mention it to me and mirror back to me that I am not doing well, and I have been rejecting it to some extent. I know - deep inside I know - but I am too overwhelmed by it to do anything about it. (I do take Lexapro.) Just like the bills. If I don't open the envelope than maybe it is not there. I will not go on and on about what makes me depressed - or what I should do. However, it hit me today that one of the things I have to do to stop being depressed is to stop being Matt's program scapegoat. To not feel like their victim any longer. I know it is wonky sounding - but it truly is a reality. Sad. The ed cons admitted to me today, that they are making my life miserable from what appears to be a vindictive stance. They are withholding phone calls, continuously, out of some dysfunctional power struggle between them and me. Sometimes I have to go 14 days before they wil let me talk to Matt. They even denied a Christmas phone call. The ed cons said he is worried, and wants Matt to get help somewhere else. I truthfully am not sure how I can stand the stress of one more thing - but I do know that I cannot continue to feel like I do not have a son. I literally feel like Matt is not my kid anymore. I don't even know him. I haven't seen him in 6 months, and I have only talked to him supervised, occasionally, within the last 4 months. If he was to call solo, I truly would not know what to say to him - or how to talk to him - that is how bad this has gotten. Today, I decided it was over. Period. Whatever it takes, I am not going to play their game, or be their victim or scapegoat. Ever. Again. I will talk to my kid more than once a week. Period. This leaves Matt in a very unfortunate place, because I am not sure where he will end up. He, himself, is dysfunctional and not healthy - so this is scary. The ed cons does not think he can live independently at this point, so he recommends another program. I really have no idea what to think. I am at a loss. I just know that I am moving forward with this. Any suggestions would be much appreciated.