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Failure to Thrive
Depression or manipulation?
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 708312" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Hello Thenewday2 and Welcome</p><p></p><p></p><p>Your daughter is human, not more or less; she is trying her best to work with who she is, despite vulnerabilities which everybody has.</p><p></p><p>She may have tendencies towards depression and anxiety but most of us have tendencies towards something.</p><p></p><p>She has so much going for her that many of our children do not: her blog, her fashion sense and love of design and art; boyfriend; lots of friends; willingness to work and work well; willingness to try college despite earlier reservations; her kindness and sweet disposition; involvement with family and willingness to try to please you.</p><p></p><p>I am like you. Education to me was a primary motivator and the one thing that gave me any control in my life. When I try to impose this value on my son every. single. time it blows up in my face.</p><p></p><p>My son uses my valuing education, to motivate and manipulate ME. He ends up with fails or withdrawals on his record and unpaid tuition bills, and then I blame myself.</p><p></p><p>Whether she left a job where she had found success and esteem to pursue a route that already had plunged her into a place that was "disastrous" may have been to please you/or to try again to succeed at something that had overwhelmed her, time will tell. Maybe a bit of each.</p><p>We as parents do learn hard lessons, including the fact that what we want matters not at all. These are adults. They will do as they want and they will fall or fail, ignore or sabotage, that which they do not value or want.</p><p></p><p>I have several college degrees. While I thought they would be the ticket to my happiness, they were not. They were useful but only one way to live a life. I question sometimes whether other ways would have served me better.</p><p></p><p>As far as the depression or manipulation question, I really do not know what to say. If she was truly depressed she would not have functioned so well, maintaining relationships, interests, activities, work, etc.</p><p></p><p>Manipulation? All of us manipulate. Could trying so hard to incentivize her to go to college, which she resisted and which proved disastrous, itself be from her point of view, seen as manipulative on your part?</p><p></p><p>I think your daughter sounds great and like she is doing great. She has so many qualities to be grateful for, I think. I would try not to focus on the things that really I think, do not much matter.</p><p></p><p>I am glad you posted. And I hope you stay. Take care.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 708312, member: 18958"] Hello Thenewday2 and Welcome Your daughter is human, not more or less; she is trying her best to work with who she is, despite vulnerabilities which everybody has. She may have tendencies towards depression and anxiety but most of us have tendencies towards something. She has so much going for her that many of our children do not: her blog, her fashion sense and love of design and art; boyfriend; lots of friends; willingness to work and work well; willingness to try college despite earlier reservations; her kindness and sweet disposition; involvement with family and willingness to try to please you. I am like you. Education to me was a primary motivator and the one thing that gave me any control in my life. When I try to impose this value on my son every. single. time it blows up in my face. My son uses my valuing education, to motivate and manipulate ME. He ends up with fails or withdrawals on his record and unpaid tuition bills, and then I blame myself. Whether she left a job where she had found success and esteem to pursue a route that already had plunged her into a place that was "disastrous" may have been to please you/or to try again to succeed at something that had overwhelmed her, time will tell. Maybe a bit of each. We as parents do learn hard lessons, including the fact that what we want matters not at all. These are adults. They will do as they want and they will fall or fail, ignore or sabotage, that which they do not value or want. I have several college degrees. While I thought they would be the ticket to my happiness, they were not. They were useful but only one way to live a life. I question sometimes whether other ways would have served me better. As far as the depression or manipulation question, I really do not know what to say. If she was truly depressed she would not have functioned so well, maintaining relationships, interests, activities, work, etc. Manipulation? All of us manipulate. Could trying so hard to incentivize her to go to college, which she resisted and which proved disastrous, itself be from her point of view, seen as manipulative on your part? I think your daughter sounds great and like she is doing great. She has so many qualities to be grateful for, I think. I would try not to focus on the things that really I think, do not much matter. I am glad you posted. And I hope you stay. Take care. [/QUOTE]
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