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Failure to Thrive
Desperate and running low on hope- please help
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 693717" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>im sorry for your pain and that your son refuses help. Not that you can actually force anything one way or the other, but you can remind him gently that his attempts to run into her can lead to a restraining order or even an accusation of stalking. As one with two daughters, if either of them told me an ex boyfriend kept showing up around them and coming close/causing scenes, I'd be scared and suggest they go to the police. And I know my daughters well. They would do it. You son needs to stay away from this girl.</p><p></p><p>He needs to stop following her...that is the only thing that will eventually get him to possibly move on, since he refuses to get help, which you know is unwise. I sm familiar with borderline If im correct, they cause drama everywhere, nothing is their faults, and they dont accept outside help. There is a book called Walking on Eggshells for people who love somebody with borderline. its in bookstores and on amazon. Maybe pick it up.</p><p></p><p>What about you? Your sons constant suicide threats are scary and must impact you greatly. You need to remember that you are important too. Maybe you should get therapy to learn better ways to deal with this. Your son has spent years threatening to kill himself, but it sound like he hasnt tried it, like it may be his way of saying "If I can't have what I want, my life sucks and, although I'm an adult, I dont mind scaring you, Mom." It is in my opinion a form of abuse to make you suffer with him. Not saying he is not sick, but he is aware of how this will affect you. And he obviously is okay with this.</p><p></p><p>Anytime I hear a suicide threat, I call 911. Period. I know its usually not serious, but I wont take a chance. I havent heard a suicide threat since using this method. They want attention, tears and fawning when making thus threat, not a call to 911. But the threat is scary and we are not psychiatrists.</p><p></p><p>In the end, we cant stop them from even suicide. They have to decide on their own to get help. You can point out the pitfalls of his inaction toward his problems but its up to him to get appropriate help. Detaching with love in my opinion is best. There is a good article about that on the top of the Parent Emeritus forum.</p><p></p><p>The suicides I've heard sbout thru the years raising four kids were surprises. The parents, friends, girlfriends had no clue. Your son is broadcasting his unhappiness. I am no mental health expert, but I do think he is mostly asking for you to make his angst go away. But he wont ask for professional help and you cant force any young woman to be his girlfriend.</p><p></p><p>So you are powerless to make him feel better. We, all of us, can only help one person...us. I would never walk out of work again for him. He is a man. Call 911 and dont overreact. This encourages him to continue using your heart for everything and he is too old for you to be holding his hand. You can't live forever. Then what? He pulls this on his siblings? I know you don't want that.</p><p></p><p>I wish I had a game plan for you to help your son. I dont. But you can get professional help, set an example by your actions, and learn how to go on with your own life in spite of your struggling son.If he is borderline, there are ways to handle people with thus disorder. They are very difficult. Do purchase Walking on Eggshells.</p><p></p><p>Again, I am sorry for your pain. Do something nice fir YOU today.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 693717, member: 1550"] im sorry for your pain and that your son refuses help. Not that you can actually force anything one way or the other, but you can remind him gently that his attempts to run into her can lead to a restraining order or even an accusation of stalking. As one with two daughters, if either of them told me an ex boyfriend kept showing up around them and coming close/causing scenes, I'd be scared and suggest they go to the police. And I know my daughters well. They would do it. You son needs to stay away from this girl. He needs to stop following her...that is the only thing that will eventually get him to possibly move on, since he refuses to get help, which you know is unwise. I sm familiar with borderline If im correct, they cause drama everywhere, nothing is their faults, and they dont accept outside help. There is a book called Walking on Eggshells for people who love somebody with borderline. its in bookstores and on amazon. Maybe pick it up. What about you? Your sons constant suicide threats are scary and must impact you greatly. You need to remember that you are important too. Maybe you should get therapy to learn better ways to deal with this. Your son has spent years threatening to kill himself, but it sound like he hasnt tried it, like it may be his way of saying "If I can't have what I want, my life sucks and, although I'm an adult, I dont mind scaring you, Mom." It is in my opinion a form of abuse to make you suffer with him. Not saying he is not sick, but he is aware of how this will affect you. And he obviously is okay with this. Anytime I hear a suicide threat, I call 911. Period. I know its usually not serious, but I wont take a chance. I havent heard a suicide threat since using this method. They want attention, tears and fawning when making thus threat, not a call to 911. But the threat is scary and we are not psychiatrists. In the end, we cant stop them from even suicide. They have to decide on their own to get help. You can point out the pitfalls of his inaction toward his problems but its up to him to get appropriate help. Detaching with love in my opinion is best. There is a good article about that on the top of the Parent Emeritus forum. The suicides I've heard sbout thru the years raising four kids were surprises. The parents, friends, girlfriends had no clue. Your son is broadcasting his unhappiness. I am no mental health expert, but I do think he is mostly asking for you to make his angst go away. But he wont ask for professional help and you cant force any young woman to be his girlfriend. So you are powerless to make him feel better. We, all of us, can only help one person...us. I would never walk out of work again for him. He is a man. Call 911 and dont overreact. This encourages him to continue using your heart for everything and he is too old for you to be holding his hand. You can't live forever. Then what? He pulls this on his siblings? I know you don't want that. I wish I had a game plan for you to help your son. I dont. But you can get professional help, set an example by your actions, and learn how to go on with your own life in spite of your struggling son.If he is borderline, there are ways to handle people with thus disorder. They are very difficult. Do purchase Walking on Eggshells. Again, I am sorry for your pain. Do something nice fir YOU today. [/QUOTE]
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Desperate and running low on hope- please help
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