I know how you feel. I feel like such a failure as a mother. I pretty much raised my kids on my own and I did the best I could. He was good in school and never got in trouble, got a full ride football scholarship and had everything going for him. I blame the college for the start of this. He had already had one knee surgery and a foot surgery and while in college he hurt his knee again and needed surgery. They gave him pain pills like candy!!! The trainers would give him as much as he needed to be able to do what they needed him to do. They didn't care they were turning my son into a drug addict. When the pain pills were not enough he went to heroin. It is ripping my heart out. He left Tuesday and I haven't seen him and only heard from him this morning in a text. He said that he is homeless because I love my husband (his step dad) more than him. He is trying to guilt me into telling him to come home. I simply replied " My love for my husband is a different love than I have for my children and it has nothing to do with why I kicked you out. I kicked you out because I love you and want you to realize you need help. If you decide you want help you can call me and I will do anything I have to do to get it for you". He never replied to me. I just pray he is safe wherever he is.
Desperate for help!
- Thread starter diana71
- Start date
Your text was perfect. As far as his being safe wherever he is . . . he would not be any safer in your home than he is in the street. My difficult child overdosed on our couch.
We had at least one member lose their difficult child to an heroin overdose while they were living at home. My difficult child came very close.
You are doing the right thing.
~Kathy
We had at least one member lose their difficult child to an heroin overdose while they were living at home. My difficult child came very close.
You are doing the right thing.
~Kathy
Well yesterday he broke in our home. He ate a bunch of food and left a huge mess in my kitchen and stole my daughters Wii system. He won't take my calls or texts but he told my daughter he would return it today. We changed the locks and he was told to put in on the back porch and if it is not there today we are reporting it stolen. I am debating on if I should shut his phone off. I want to shut it off so it makes it harder for him to get rides or drugs but on the other hand I want it on in case something really bad does happen or if he changes his mind and reaches out for help and agrees to rehab. Suggestions on this?
Childofmine
one day at a time
my son has no phone but he used his laptop to text us until his power cord broke. Then he borrowed phones from people and businesses to call us. Our drug addicted adult kids are the most resourceful people on earth. I am learning how to live with the awful not knowing that comes when there is no to zero communication. It is hard. But I am not paying for one single thing as of today. I can change my mind at anytime. I don't have to apologize for that or ask anybody's permission or forgiveness. I am beyond weary of being a slave to his addiction. I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. That is when change occurs for us all.
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Sent from my iPhone using ConductDisorders
I know how you feel. I am a little relieved (okay, maybe a lot) to not have the drama in the house any longer. When he was with us I was always walking on eggshells and just waiting to find out what item he stole from us that day. I tried contacting him today just to make sure he was okay but he isn't answering me. He has only contacted me when he wants something. He seems to have no remorse at all.
The no remorse thing was always very concerning to me. Much of that goes with drug use, the only thing they care about is when and how they will get their next fix and they don't have any remorse. If it occurs when they are clean and sober the it can be a symptom of a serious problem.
I have had concerns myself about his having no remorse. He has a real sense of entitlement and thinks that if he needs something and someone else in the house has what he needs he can just take it. He honestly sees nothing wrong with this! He has been like that his whole life and I have told him I don't know how many times that it is stealing. I have been doing a lot of reading and I think he has more wrong with him then I am aware of. I hate to say it but he is a bully. If he doesn't get his way he will physically go after you (he is 6'4" by the way) or if he feels wronged by someone then he sees nothing wrong with stealing from that person. I didn't raise him this way. He has always had those issues. And the more I think about it the more I think he is self medicating because something else is going on in his head. I should have gotten him help years ago for mental issues I think.
toughlovin
Well-Known Member
Your. Son sounds similar to mine in May ways....hopefully when he is ready for help he can also get some help with whatever the psychiatric issues are. As far as remorse I don't have any answers....attic me I see hints of remorse in my son for things but they only come out when he has written to us....not in person. I always treasure those letters.
TL
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TL
Sent from my iPad using ConductDisorders
diana there was a time when I seriously thought my difficult child was a sociopath. She had no remorse for anything and she lied as easily as saying her name. She stole so much from us that we didn't know about and when we did find out and confronted her she just lied again. She stole from school and from friends and even from stores. Each and every time I found out she had to bring it back and apologize and make restitution but nothing made an impact on her. We felt that she had no moral compass.
It wasn't until about a year ago when she turned 22 that I felt things were changing. She got arrested for shopifting and got in real trouble. She had several court appearances and had to do a lot of community service and was banned from the mall and finally I think started to understand.
I don't know if your son will turn this around or not but I do know that it can happen. I raised my daughter to be a good person but there was something wired differently in her brain that is just now gettig straightened out.
It wasn't until about a year ago when she turned 22 that I felt things were changing. She got arrested for shopifting and got in real trouble. She had several court appearances and had to do a lot of community service and was banned from the mall and finally I think started to understand.
I don't know if your son will turn this around or not but I do know that it can happen. I raised my daughter to be a good person but there was something wired differently in her brain that is just now gettig straightened out.
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PatriotsGirl
Well-Known Member
Same here. My daughter could lie so good I questioned myself - even if I saw something firsthand! And she used to steal everything and anything. We have had a lock on our bedroom door forever. All of that came with the drug use. Today she is a very, very different person. She has even paid her brother back every dime she stole from him. There is hope...
BusynMember
Well-Known Member
If a young child was empathetic and kind and only became cold as steel after using drugs, it is most likely the drug use causing the antisocial behavior. Sociopaths are sociopaths whether they are sober or not and usually they have always shown symptoms of having no empathy.
I'm not sure that even tons of therapy helps this sort of person as I have seen some studies (mostly on the crime channel Investigative Discovery) that the brains of those who are sociopaths are wired differently. Most do not show the normal reaction to fear. They tend not to be afraid of anything, which makes it hard to scare them...such as threatening legal action. Their brains also do not respond normally to seeing human beings in sympathetic situations. They do not really mind being this way and usually don't want to change. This does not apply to most of our adult kids.
My daughter lied, stole and got arrested while using drugs. Funny, I can't even imagine her doing stuff like that anymore. She is such a kindhearted soul. But drugs do change the way a brain works.
Hugs and sending you all the best...
I'm not sure that even tons of therapy helps this sort of person as I have seen some studies (mostly on the crime channel Investigative Discovery) that the brains of those who are sociopaths are wired differently. Most do not show the normal reaction to fear. They tend not to be afraid of anything, which makes it hard to scare them...such as threatening legal action. Their brains also do not respond normally to seeing human beings in sympathetic situations. They do not really mind being this way and usually don't want to change. This does not apply to most of our adult kids.
My daughter lied, stole and got arrested while using drugs. Funny, I can't even imagine her doing stuff like that anymore. She is such a kindhearted soul. But drugs do change the way a brain works.
Hugs and sending you all the best...
I don't think he is a sociopath because he does (or did) care about people and he loves animals. I am sure it is the drugs. I got a call from the mom of the boy he was staying with this morning and my son took her sons car in the middle of the night without permission. They don't know where he went but he was told to leave when he got back after an hour. He didn't even take his things he just left. It is like I don't even know him anymore. My husband is ready to leave me over all this. We are afraid to leave the house most days. He has already broke a window to get in. I have never felt so helpless in all my life. I didn't raise him to be like this. But we do have mental illness in our family history. And his dad left us when he was 9 for another woman and hasn't been in the kids lives so I know that effected him greatly. Thank you for all the wonderful support!!! It is so nice to talk to people that understand your pain.
