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Substance Abuse
Desperately in need of advice for my son
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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 662644" data-attributes="member: 15801"><p>Hi Ms. Kay,</p><p></p><p>I totally get where you are, it is a really tough place to be. I know because I have been there. It sounds like you are clear about what needs to be done but your husband isnt there yet. I think that is often the case with couples, one person gets to one place before the other. It really does help to be on the same page and so you may need to give your husband time to catch up!! I think getting to the place of taking the hard steps of letting them be homeless is a process and each person needs to go through that process.</p><p></p><p>I know in my situaton I was aleays the rule maker and the kdis knew it.... they could often get whatever they wanted from my husband if I wasnt around. It was very frustrating and definitely an issue for us. So with my son I was always a few steps ahead of my husband. I remember one day when my son was a teen and still living at home, I was driving home wondering if my husband was going to follow through with something. I cant even remember what exactly but it had to do with subtances I am sure. I decided that I could not do it anymore if my husband couldnt follow through and unintentionally undermined whatever I tried to do. I made the decision that if he didnt follow through I would take my younger daughter and go to a hotel and let my husband handle my son. I knew he would nto be able to and things would hit the fan but I had just had it. Luckily at that point my husband was catching up and i never needed to do that.</p><p></p><p>One of the other things that really helped is we started to go to alanon together. My husband rarely says anything at the meetings but somehow reading the literature and hearing others storied helped him get more clear and catch up. We have pretty much been on the same page since we kicked my son out of the house 5 years ago.</p><p></p><p>So I hope you can sit down with your husband and really talk about this. Acknowledge that you know he is not ready to let your son be homeless but that you are scared and worried and all the things you shared here. Try and be open to where he is at, and if need be put the ball in his court to figure out what to do and let him do it.</p><p></p><p>I must say letting my son be homeless in the middle of winter across the cocuntry was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do.... and I am trying to avoid going through that again. It is incredibly hard and yet at the time it was definitely the right thing to do.</p><p></p><p>Do some things for yourself today... it is really important that you take care of yourself.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 662644, member: 15801"] Hi Ms. Kay, I totally get where you are, it is a really tough place to be. I know because I have been there. It sounds like you are clear about what needs to be done but your husband isnt there yet. I think that is often the case with couples, one person gets to one place before the other. It really does help to be on the same page and so you may need to give your husband time to catch up!! I think getting to the place of taking the hard steps of letting them be homeless is a process and each person needs to go through that process. I know in my situaton I was aleays the rule maker and the kdis knew it.... they could often get whatever they wanted from my husband if I wasnt around. It was very frustrating and definitely an issue for us. So with my son I was always a few steps ahead of my husband. I remember one day when my son was a teen and still living at home, I was driving home wondering if my husband was going to follow through with something. I cant even remember what exactly but it had to do with subtances I am sure. I decided that I could not do it anymore if my husband couldnt follow through and unintentionally undermined whatever I tried to do. I made the decision that if he didnt follow through I would take my younger daughter and go to a hotel and let my husband handle my son. I knew he would nto be able to and things would hit the fan but I had just had it. Luckily at that point my husband was catching up and i never needed to do that. One of the other things that really helped is we started to go to alanon together. My husband rarely says anything at the meetings but somehow reading the literature and hearing others storied helped him get more clear and catch up. We have pretty much been on the same page since we kicked my son out of the house 5 years ago. So I hope you can sit down with your husband and really talk about this. Acknowledge that you know he is not ready to let your son be homeless but that you are scared and worried and all the things you shared here. Try and be open to where he is at, and if need be put the ball in his court to figure out what to do and let him do it. I must say letting my son be homeless in the middle of winter across the cocuntry was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do.... and I am trying to avoid going through that again. It is incredibly hard and yet at the time it was definitely the right thing to do. Do some things for yourself today... it is really important that you take care of yourself. [/QUOTE]
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