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Substance Abuse
Despite my broken heart, we put my 16 year old son out of the house
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 704364" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Welcome, and I am so very sorry that you are having to deal with this. Please, I beg of you, go and get some help. Go to NarcAnon or AlAnon, the family support group for addicts. If you won't or can't go for yourself at this point, go for your son. Addicts have a 30% higher chance of getting and staying clean if their families go to a program and get help. If he were in school and you could spend an hour a week to turn his 60% grades, that he worked hard for, into 90%, you would do it happily. This is so much more important because this is his very life you are fighting for, so please, find the meetings in your area and go. The first few weeks go to meetings in different areas at different times because they won't all be the right fit for you. You will find a meeting that is the right fit/feel for you, and then that is where you should spend your time. I am the granddaughter and the sister of alcoholics, and I went to meetings when I was a young adult, when my mother first told me about my grandfather's problem with alcohol. She refused to believe my brother had a problem for a decade after that, but the meetings sure helped me through that decade and the years after. </p><p></p><p>Please also get therapy for your marriage and for your kids. It really is important. Get your other kids into therapy and into Alateen too. They need ALL the info about what is going on with their brother and what happened with their dad/his dad so they know because you can't hide this stuff. It impacts them anyway and getting it out into the open explains so much that wasn't clear. </p><p></p><p>As for your 16yo, I know it is hard, but it is time to focus on the other kids. He CHOSE to be out of your home. He KNEW the rules, and he KNEW that to choose the drugs was to endanger the rest of the family. To do drugs is to invite very dangerous people into your life. He invited those people into the lives of your ENTIRE family. THis includes your other children. You MUST think of them now. They have been exposed to VERY dangerous things. You have NO idea what he might have threatened them with, or done to them. You think, "He would never hurt them, he loves them!", and normally, he wouldn't. But nothing is normal now. He isn't your son right now. He is a drug fueled person and the drugs have control. Until he is clean and sober, and has had real help so he isn't on a 'dry drunk' or the druggie equivalent, he simply isn't safe to have around your other children. He is a real danger to them. Not just to you and your husband.</p><p></p><p>Please don't let him come home until he is clean and sober and both your husband and ex agree it is a good idea. Please know that every single penny you give him is another penny he has for cocaine and benzos. Also know that sometimes you will give him things for you, because your heart needs to know he has had a meal. And that isn't all bad either. Sometimes we have to do things to make ourselves feel better. But overall, if we can stand firm, we should, to help our children learn. </p><p></p><p>I truly hope and pray he can overcome his addiction soon. But he must want it, you cannot want it for him. The easier you make this time, the harder it will be for him to want it. I am sorry that it is so, but it is.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 704364, member: 1233"] Welcome, and I am so very sorry that you are having to deal with this. Please, I beg of you, go and get some help. Go to NarcAnon or AlAnon, the family support group for addicts. If you won't or can't go for yourself at this point, go for your son. Addicts have a 30% higher chance of getting and staying clean if their families go to a program and get help. If he were in school and you could spend an hour a week to turn his 60% grades, that he worked hard for, into 90%, you would do it happily. This is so much more important because this is his very life you are fighting for, so please, find the meetings in your area and go. The first few weeks go to meetings in different areas at different times because they won't all be the right fit for you. You will find a meeting that is the right fit/feel for you, and then that is where you should spend your time. I am the granddaughter and the sister of alcoholics, and I went to meetings when I was a young adult, when my mother first told me about my grandfather's problem with alcohol. She refused to believe my brother had a problem for a decade after that, but the meetings sure helped me through that decade and the years after. Please also get therapy for your marriage and for your kids. It really is important. Get your other kids into therapy and into Alateen too. They need ALL the info about what is going on with their brother and what happened with their dad/his dad so they know because you can't hide this stuff. It impacts them anyway and getting it out into the open explains so much that wasn't clear. As for your 16yo, I know it is hard, but it is time to focus on the other kids. He CHOSE to be out of your home. He KNEW the rules, and he KNEW that to choose the drugs was to endanger the rest of the family. To do drugs is to invite very dangerous people into your life. He invited those people into the lives of your ENTIRE family. THis includes your other children. You MUST think of them now. They have been exposed to VERY dangerous things. You have NO idea what he might have threatened them with, or done to them. You think, "He would never hurt them, he loves them!", and normally, he wouldn't. But nothing is normal now. He isn't your son right now. He is a drug fueled person and the drugs have control. Until he is clean and sober, and has had real help so he isn't on a 'dry drunk' or the druggie equivalent, he simply isn't safe to have around your other children. He is a real danger to them. Not just to you and your husband. Please don't let him come home until he is clean and sober and both your husband and ex agree it is a good idea. Please know that every single penny you give him is another penny he has for cocaine and benzos. Also know that sometimes you will give him things for you, because your heart needs to know he has had a meal. And that isn't all bad either. Sometimes we have to do things to make ourselves feel better. But overall, if we can stand firm, we should, to help our children learn. I truly hope and pray he can overcome his addiction soon. But he must want it, you cannot want it for him. The easier you make this time, the harder it will be for him to want it. I am sorry that it is so, but it is. [/QUOTE]
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Despite my broken heart, we put my 16 year old son out of the house
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