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Substance Abuse
Despite my broken heart, we put my 16 year old son out of the house
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<blockquote data-quote="DevastatedMom" data-source="post: 704872" data-attributes="member: 21139"><p>Thank you everyone for your responses! It was 2 weeks yesterday since he was kicked out, and its been really hard for me emotionally to stay strong, or to be sure we're doing the right thing. Here in Canada its brutally cold at this time of year....the worst time for someone to be homeless. He tells me he hasn't had to spend any time outdoors though, he has lots of friends and apparently some with parents that would take in a 16 y/o kid without even wanting to touch base with his parents...this blows my mind! They are either sketchy themselves, or he has painted us out to be the kind of monsters they would not even want to talk to. </p><p></p><p>To answer a few of the questions, his father will not take him in. He has lots of excuses why not, all of the equating to he doesn't want to deal with the problem. He has never been a father figure to my son, and it seems he has no desire or intention to start now. What he is doing to ease his guilt (in my opinion) is sending my son money instead. Not much, as far as I know, but still...not really helping, as far as I'm concerned. He told me he was going to send him $100, and I freaked...you can buy a lot of drugs for that kind of money! He says he ended up sending $25, but I can't trust him to be honest with me...we had a big fight after that, he told me that we screwed up my son in the 16 years we've been parenting him and now we want him to fix it. Needless to say, we aren't talking now, either.</p><p></p><p>Also, my son is not driving yet, thank God! He has his "beginners" (we call it a G1 up here) and has been waiting for me to get him in drivers ed., as he will be able to move to the next licensing level sooner if he has taken drivers training. I'm on the fence about that, as he can drive legally right now with another licensed driver in the car with him, and as he has never been formally taught, he would be more dangerous to himself and others driving without training then with it...let me know your thoughts on that. He does tell me that he would never drive under the influence of drugs, and seems to be really sincere when he says it, but they can be so convincing when lying to your face. </p><p></p><p>With Christmas being right around the corner, it gets harder for me daily to have him out there....he says he really wants to come home before Christmas, but as much as it kills me to refuse him, I think we need some more comprehensive professional help before he comes home. I reached out to a family mediation facility, and they think they can help us resolve some of the issues, but they cant meet with my husband and son until the new year. My son told me that if he can't come home before Christmas, he might not be trying to come home for a long time. My husband still feels my son needs to get completely clean in order to come home, but my son says that its harder than ever to be drug free living with friends, and that he'll be able to do better once he comes home, which I kind of understand...I feel like I'm caught between a rock and a hard place, and I can't win. The two men I love more than myself, and it seems if I takes one's side, I may lose the other. I though what I lived through with my ex's drug use was hard...but this is far more heart-wrenching. I try not to think about it all day at work, and as soon as I'm alone, I let myself break down and cry...and I pray. </p><p></p><p>Thanks to you all for the support</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="DevastatedMom, post: 704872, member: 21139"] Thank you everyone for your responses! It was 2 weeks yesterday since he was kicked out, and its been really hard for me emotionally to stay strong, or to be sure we're doing the right thing. Here in Canada its brutally cold at this time of year....the worst time for someone to be homeless. He tells me he hasn't had to spend any time outdoors though, he has lots of friends and apparently some with parents that would take in a 16 y/o kid without even wanting to touch base with his parents...this blows my mind! They are either sketchy themselves, or he has painted us out to be the kind of monsters they would not even want to talk to. To answer a few of the questions, his father will not take him in. He has lots of excuses why not, all of the equating to he doesn't want to deal with the problem. He has never been a father figure to my son, and it seems he has no desire or intention to start now. What he is doing to ease his guilt (in my opinion) is sending my son money instead. Not much, as far as I know, but still...not really helping, as far as I'm concerned. He told me he was going to send him $100, and I freaked...you can buy a lot of drugs for that kind of money! He says he ended up sending $25, but I can't trust him to be honest with me...we had a big fight after that, he told me that we screwed up my son in the 16 years we've been parenting him and now we want him to fix it. Needless to say, we aren't talking now, either. Also, my son is not driving yet, thank God! He has his "beginners" (we call it a G1 up here) and has been waiting for me to get him in drivers ed., as he will be able to move to the next licensing level sooner if he has taken drivers training. I'm on the fence about that, as he can drive legally right now with another licensed driver in the car with him, and as he has never been formally taught, he would be more dangerous to himself and others driving without training then with it...let me know your thoughts on that. He does tell me that he would never drive under the influence of drugs, and seems to be really sincere when he says it, but they can be so convincing when lying to your face. With Christmas being right around the corner, it gets harder for me daily to have him out there....he says he really wants to come home before Christmas, but as much as it kills me to refuse him, I think we need some more comprehensive professional help before he comes home. I reached out to a family mediation facility, and they think they can help us resolve some of the issues, but they cant meet with my husband and son until the new year. My son told me that if he can't come home before Christmas, he might not be trying to come home for a long time. My husband still feels my son needs to get completely clean in order to come home, but my son says that its harder than ever to be drug free living with friends, and that he'll be able to do better once he comes home, which I kind of understand...I feel like I'm caught between a rock and a hard place, and I can't win. The two men I love more than myself, and it seems if I takes one's side, I may lose the other. I though what I lived through with my ex's drug use was hard...but this is far more heart-wrenching. I try not to think about it all day at work, and as soon as I'm alone, I let myself break down and cry...and I pray. Thanks to you all for the support [/QUOTE]
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Despite my broken heart, we put my 16 year old son out of the house
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