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Substance Abuse
Despite my broken heart, we put my 16 year old son out of the house
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<blockquote data-quote="missangelk" data-source="post: 706966" data-attributes="member: 21343"><p>I created an account to answer my fellow Canadian parents. </p><p></p><p>My daughter is 17 and I have been on this road for almost 6 years now. Started with drinking, cocaine by 15 and straight to meth. I've learnt a lot of hard lessons and if it will help any parent, it is worth talking about.</p><p></p><p>Don't kick them out. There are abandonment laws that could kick you in the arse. Give them the option to protect yourself. An example is: </p><p>To live in my home you must follow these:</p><p>1. Go to detox amd commit to a treatment program. While waiting to go to treatment you are to see an AADAC councillor weekly and not associate with any of the peers you have been.</p><p>2. Give up your phone. If you are serious about sobriety, the phone needs to go.</p><p>If you are not willing to do these things you need to leave the house immediately and can return once it is completed. </p><p></p><p>It then gives them the choice. It seems harsh but I had child welfare threatening to charge me with abandonment for refusing to get my 16 year old child from detox early. Crazy, right?!! It's best to head that off before it happens.</p><p></p><p>Follow through. If they can find dope, they can find a couch. By law, you have to ask them if they have food and shelter. What you do from there is your choice. I always told my daughter that supper was at 5 and she was always welcome to come. She liked to moan about starving but rarely came to eat. She just wanted groceries to sell or cash for her pocket. I never let my daughter use my shower but I reminded her of where the food bank and shelters were. I also had to track her period. It was incredible how often she needed tampons. Turns out they have a street value and can be used in exchange for drugs. I ended up stopping the supply of those altogether.</p><p></p><p>Also by law, parents must report their minor child missing if you do not hear from them every 72 hours. I told her no texting, no facebook. I had to hear her voice. I've reported her missing three times.</p><p></p><p>There is a book I got off of Amazon called, "Don't let your kids kill you". I suggest reading it twice. </p><p></p><p>My biggest mistake was nearly destroying myself and the other children, all because she wanted to set her life ablaze. Exposing other children to the outbursts and aggression, even if not physical, can be seen as domestic violence. I had child services say that, if she remained in the home, I could run risk of losing the two younger ones because they were being exposed to domestic violence.</p><p></p><p>Phone the police. Phone the police. I can't stress that enough. I didnt. Somehow I thought I could save her from being a criminal if I didn't report the beatings I took, the theft of my property, the vandalism... If they are doing drugs, they will have no choice but to fund the addiction illegally. It's best for them if you start the process as soon as it starts. We don't have services for youth under the family enhancement act. All the way up to the Supreme Court, they try very hard to let the youth self-destruct. We are almost 3 years in of involvement with the Police. She has.... six or seven charges and about two dozen breaches of probation conditions. Even still, they release her. I'm hoping Thursday is when they Section 34 her under mental health and remand her.</p><p></p><p>Finally, if your child turns to prostitution, there are services through social services. It is the Protection of Sexually Exploited Youth. Under this order they can be detained for a maximum of 26 days. A court order can extend it as well. My daughter was sleeping with men all the way up to 40 years of age. She said they were boyfriends who cared about her. She only saw it for what it was once she was put in the safe house. They were clearly exploiting and using her though. Did it do any good? No. But it did give me room to breathe for 26 days.</p><p></p><p>It's hard. And it will hurt. But it's their journey to take. All a parent can do where drugs is involved is to be there to support positive choices, and to have VERY VERY strong boundaries. And please remember, if they are doing drugs, only actions speak. Their word is worth nothing anymore.</p><p></p><p>Best wishes. I hope this helps and if you hve any questions please just ask <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="missangelk, post: 706966, member: 21343"] I created an account to answer my fellow Canadian parents. My daughter is 17 and I have been on this road for almost 6 years now. Started with drinking, cocaine by 15 and straight to meth. I've learnt a lot of hard lessons and if it will help any parent, it is worth talking about. Don't kick them out. There are abandonment laws that could kick you in the arse. Give them the option to protect yourself. An example is: To live in my home you must follow these: 1. Go to detox amd commit to a treatment program. While waiting to go to treatment you are to see an AADAC councillor weekly and not associate with any of the peers you have been. 2. Give up your phone. If you are serious about sobriety, the phone needs to go. If you are not willing to do these things you need to leave the house immediately and can return once it is completed. It then gives them the choice. It seems harsh but I had child welfare threatening to charge me with abandonment for refusing to get my 16 year old child from detox early. Crazy, right?!! It's best to head that off before it happens. Follow through. If they can find dope, they can find a couch. By law, you have to ask them if they have food and shelter. What you do from there is your choice. I always told my daughter that supper was at 5 and she was always welcome to come. She liked to moan about starving but rarely came to eat. She just wanted groceries to sell or cash for her pocket. I never let my daughter use my shower but I reminded her of where the food bank and shelters were. I also had to track her period. It was incredible how often she needed tampons. Turns out they have a street value and can be used in exchange for drugs. I ended up stopping the supply of those altogether. Also by law, parents must report their minor child missing if you do not hear from them every 72 hours. I told her no texting, no facebook. I had to hear her voice. I've reported her missing three times. There is a book I got off of Amazon called, "Don't let your kids kill you". I suggest reading it twice. My biggest mistake was nearly destroying myself and the other children, all because she wanted to set her life ablaze. Exposing other children to the outbursts and aggression, even if not physical, can be seen as domestic violence. I had child services say that, if she remained in the home, I could run risk of losing the two younger ones because they were being exposed to domestic violence. Phone the police. Phone the police. I can't stress that enough. I didnt. Somehow I thought I could save her from being a criminal if I didn't report the beatings I took, the theft of my property, the vandalism... If they are doing drugs, they will have no choice but to fund the addiction illegally. It's best for them if you start the process as soon as it starts. We don't have services for youth under the family enhancement act. All the way up to the Supreme Court, they try very hard to let the youth self-destruct. We are almost 3 years in of involvement with the Police. She has.... six or seven charges and about two dozen breaches of probation conditions. Even still, they release her. I'm hoping Thursday is when they Section 34 her under mental health and remand her. Finally, if your child turns to prostitution, there are services through social services. It is the Protection of Sexually Exploited Youth. Under this order they can be detained for a maximum of 26 days. A court order can extend it as well. My daughter was sleeping with men all the way up to 40 years of age. She said they were boyfriends who cared about her. She only saw it for what it was once she was put in the safe house. They were clearly exploiting and using her though. Did it do any good? No. But it did give me room to breathe for 26 days. It's hard. And it will hurt. But it's their journey to take. All a parent can do where drugs is involved is to be there to support positive choices, and to have VERY VERY strong boundaries. And please remember, if they are doing drugs, only actions speak. Their word is worth nothing anymore. Best wishes. I hope this helps and if you hve any questions please just ask :) [/QUOTE]
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Despite my broken heart, we put my 16 year old son out of the house
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