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Substance Abuse
Despite my broken heart, we put my 16 year old son out of the house
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<blockquote data-quote="DevastatedMom" data-source="post: 708019" data-attributes="member: 21139"><p>Hello fellow parents, </p><p></p><p>Thanks to everyone for all the advice, support and kind words! </p><p></p><p>It was a very sad holiday season for me this year. My son stayed away more and more, and I became a little reclusive from friends and family, just feeling so sad and not wanting to infect people with the negativity. But I survived. My son tried the same tactic he had previously close to New Years - that if we didn't let him come home then, he may not even come home. If I could have persuaded my husband to let him back then, I would have, but he held his ground. I had arranged the mediation for the 3 of us. We each went and spent close to 2 hours talking about our issues independently, but when it came time to proceed with the day-long mediation session, my husband insisted he could not take a day off work. I was very upset about this, because he and I had agreed we needed this in order to allow my son home. So in the end, I talked my husband into taking my son back in in early January, and it's been difficult, with no professional intervention. Lots of tension builds between them and besides formalities, they don't say much to one another. </p><p></p><p>My son behaved well the first week, but it don't take long for old habits to prevail. He shared with me that he was using cocaine daily while out of the house. :-( :-( :-(</p><p>He is still insistent that he does not need or want any professional help, he can kick it on his own. I feel the time out of the house was a huge setback for him. He got thinner, and has developed random episodes of shaking. It had been noticed at school by a teacher and his peers, and makes him not want to go to school. :-( :-( :-( </p><p></p><p>I am more worried for his health than ever. He tells me he is taking xanax again sometimes, as it alleviates the shakes. He tells me he is really trying to get off all the hard stuff, and has let me drug test him twice, but for cocaine only. And he still hasn't passed. :-( :-( :-( </p><p>The fact he keeps trying gives me a little hope, but I can't stop the knawing fear in my gut. I am still on the Internet and phone everyday rallying resources and looking for answers on how to help my son.</p><p></p><p>To touch on the couple of positives, since he came home, he has a much better manner in communicating with me. He stays calm, has not been angry and aggressive once, and tells me he loves me regularly. He hugs me too, sometimes without me asking. Our relationship is healing, despite everything else. And he has a girlfriend, who I think is a good girl. He has been seeing her for about 6 months now, but our relationship was so volatile in the months leading up to him being kicked out he had no intention of introducing us. Now he is planning to bring her around, and he has warned me not to say anything about his drug use, as she only known about the weed. He had recently told me that she makes him feel better than drugs, so I'm hoping her positive influence can be leveraged in the near future too. </p><p>So that's where we're at right now. Not out of the woods yet, some really bad days still, but also some snippets of hope. Thanks to you all for listening, and ai will keep your posted. Wishing the best for all of us, and our kids!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="DevastatedMom, post: 708019, member: 21139"] Hello fellow parents, Thanks to everyone for all the advice, support and kind words! It was a very sad holiday season for me this year. My son stayed away more and more, and I became a little reclusive from friends and family, just feeling so sad and not wanting to infect people with the negativity. But I survived. My son tried the same tactic he had previously close to New Years - that if we didn't let him come home then, he may not even come home. If I could have persuaded my husband to let him back then, I would have, but he held his ground. I had arranged the mediation for the 3 of us. We each went and spent close to 2 hours talking about our issues independently, but when it came time to proceed with the day-long mediation session, my husband insisted he could not take a day off work. I was very upset about this, because he and I had agreed we needed this in order to allow my son home. So in the end, I talked my husband into taking my son back in in early January, and it's been difficult, with no professional intervention. Lots of tension builds between them and besides formalities, they don't say much to one another. My son behaved well the first week, but it don't take long for old habits to prevail. He shared with me that he was using cocaine daily while out of the house. :-( :-( :-( He is still insistent that he does not need or want any professional help, he can kick it on his own. I feel the time out of the house was a huge setback for him. He got thinner, and has developed random episodes of shaking. It had been noticed at school by a teacher and his peers, and makes him not want to go to school. :-( :-( :-( I am more worried for his health than ever. He tells me he is taking xanax again sometimes, as it alleviates the shakes. He tells me he is really trying to get off all the hard stuff, and has let me drug test him twice, but for cocaine only. And he still hasn't passed. :-( :-( :-( The fact he keeps trying gives me a little hope, but I can't stop the knawing fear in my gut. I am still on the Internet and phone everyday rallying resources and looking for answers on how to help my son. To touch on the couple of positives, since he came home, he has a much better manner in communicating with me. He stays calm, has not been angry and aggressive once, and tells me he loves me regularly. He hugs me too, sometimes without me asking. Our relationship is healing, despite everything else. And he has a girlfriend, who I think is a good girl. He has been seeing her for about 6 months now, but our relationship was so volatile in the months leading up to him being kicked out he had no intention of introducing us. Now he is planning to bring her around, and he has warned me not to say anything about his drug use, as she only known about the weed. He had recently told me that she makes him feel better than drugs, so I'm hoping her positive influence can be leveraged in the near future too. So that's where we're at right now. Not out of the woods yet, some really bad days still, but also some snippets of hope. Thanks to you all for listening, and ai will keep your posted. Wishing the best for all of us, and our kids! [/QUOTE]
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Despite my broken heart, we put my 16 year old son out of the house
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