Detaching is so difficult

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by Tired Mom, Mar 31, 2015.

  1. Tired Mom

    Tired Mom Member

    Sigh every step with difficult child is difficult. He went to detox in Ocotber, then 30 days of rehab, then 1 day a week of IOP. He has 5 months sober which is good. He has been seemed open to stay in Florida for year but yesterday his therapist called and said he wants to come back when it starts to get hot in Florida which I assume will be very soon. So I started feeling stressed about thinking I need to get back to Alanon meetings to prepare myself mentally for that. During the day today he texted that he joined a fitness center for $50 a month which I had mixed feeling about. The positive was with the therapist had previously indicated that working out was one of things that helped him the most so I guess he was trying to help himself but do I think this was a bit expensive. It sounds as though he took a more expensive plan to so he could take his friends. Sigh he is gullible so my guess is the place upsold him on the membership. Then I came home from work and his bank had left a message. My guess was it had something to do with the work out center since he has never figured out how to get and use checks. So we texted and him and it turns out he lost his wallet today and all of his ID. 1,000 miles away with no ID and possibly all of his money gone. I guess the good new is this took my mind off the fact that he may be coming home soon.
  2. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm sorry I haven't responded before. It is so exhausting trying to manage their lives for them isn't it? I remember when I was 20 and commuting to college every day while working full time. I had a checkbook and took care of my bills and didn't ask or expect my parents to figure anything out for me. I don't know what went wrong with our kids who have no sense of financial responsibility.

    If and when your son comes back make sure you have your boundaries set and that he knows what they are. He is old enough to get a job and be responsible, it's up to him. But oh do I understand how hard it is to detach.
  3. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    Detaching is difficult. it means putting our safety, sanity,and happiness first. We deserve these things. If they choose to throw theirs away , that was their choice.
  4. Rina

    Rina Member

    I can relate to the way you feel, although my son is much younger. Disconnecting ourselves from the drama and taking care of ourselves is difficult. Trying not to drown in our emotions is difficult.
    In the end, it's up to them, and that's the most difficult reality - it means that there's only so much that we can do, and that trying to do more might swallow us up and keep us from living happily and having a life separated from our children. It is hard. I hope things will look up soon. Take care.
  5. Tired Mom

    Tired Mom Member

    As an update my son was very lucky and had his wallet returned. I came home from work and there was note on our door to call the police station about my son's wallet. It turned out that the person who found the wallet called my sons bank and he called our police station. Hopefully the bank was calling because the guy who found the wallet had called them. My son tried to call the 1-800 number the bank wanted him to call back and he found the endless choices you had to make to overwhelming and wouldn't call them back. I was so worked up with worry I guess for nothing.
  6. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Hi Tired Mom. I am glad that the wallet situation is resolved. As far as detaching, it takes time and effort before you are able to do it. In my case, it took two years of working with a very patient therapist. I wish now that I had started therapy years ago.

    Your son is still very young which makes it harder.