Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Substance Abuse
Detaching "WITH LOVE"?
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 629038" data-attributes="member: 15801"><p>Well I can relate to all of this discussion. Your list is similar for my son. I am also convinced of the genetic component....and have felt since my son was little that a lot is the way he is wired. I recently had someone comment to me about how wonderful my easy child daughter is that I am a great parent...I kept my mouth shut but what I thought was I cant take credit for her because then I have to take credit for him! My kids are both adopted so although they share an upbringing they don't share genetics.</p><p></p><p>As far as detachment with love....I agree with others that you can love your child but not like them very much! I would never stay in a relationship with anyone else who treats me the way my son has at times treated me!</p><p></p><p>So for me detachment has been partly learning not to take his actions or behavior personally...they are about who he is, not about who I am as a person or as a mother. And thinking about my responses in terms of what feels right to me....so trying to not just be manipulated but to think about what feels ok or good to me to do. So in general my take is to help him when he is doing the right thing and to step back when he is not.</p><p></p><p>Detachment to me is setting boundaries and making sure I take care of myself so that I can enjoy my life no matter what he is doing.</p><p></p><p>And it's a process....with my sons latest screw up I am in the process of detaching further... I feel used by him and taken advantage of by him and that needs to stop. First step is no money for the canteen this time in jail....and reminding myself that jail must not be so bad since he keeps going back ( thanks COM for that) and so I can stop feeling sorry for him when he is in jail.</p><p></p><p>He is very good at playing on my sympathy and I have the hardest time with detachment when I feel sad for him. I like anger better.</p><p></p><p>TL</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Sent using ConductDisorders mobile app</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 629038, member: 15801"] Well I can relate to all of this discussion. Your list is similar for my son. I am also convinced of the genetic component....and have felt since my son was little that a lot is the way he is wired. I recently had someone comment to me about how wonderful my easy child daughter is that I am a great parent...I kept my mouth shut but what I thought was I cant take credit for her because then I have to take credit for him! My kids are both adopted so although they share an upbringing they don't share genetics. As far as detachment with love....I agree with others that you can love your child but not like them very much! I would never stay in a relationship with anyone else who treats me the way my son has at times treated me! So for me detachment has been partly learning not to take his actions or behavior personally...they are about who he is, not about who I am as a person or as a mother. And thinking about my responses in terms of what feels right to me....so trying to not just be manipulated but to think about what feels ok or good to me to do. So in general my take is to help him when he is doing the right thing and to step back when he is not. Detachment to me is setting boundaries and making sure I take care of myself so that I can enjoy my life no matter what he is doing. And it's a process....with my sons latest screw up I am in the process of detaching further... I feel used by him and taken advantage of by him and that needs to stop. First step is no money for the canteen this time in jail....and reminding myself that jail must not be so bad since he keeps going back ( thanks COM for that) and so I can stop feeling sorry for him when he is in jail. He is very good at playing on my sympathy and I have the hardest time with detachment when I feel sad for him. I like anger better. TL Sent using ConductDisorders mobile app [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Substance Abuse
Detaching "WITH LOVE"?
Top