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Detachment 101 Failure
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<blockquote data-quote="DammitJanet" data-source="post: 49004" data-attributes="member: 1514"><p>Ok...I am going to pull my story out one more time. I really should put this into a word format so I dont have to retype this ...lol. </p><p></p><p>I was your daughter. </p><p></p><p>No I wasnt adopted or Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) but I was probably born with early onset bipolar and grew up in a home with a very abusive mother who caused me develop a lovely case of borderline personality disorder. At least we assume that is where it came from. I was also sexually abused by a babysitter from the ages of 3 thru 4. </p><p></p><p>As you can probably predict I was was a huge difficult child in my teen years. I could give any of the kids on this board a run for their money. Back then they didnt have names for the disorders or much in the way of treatment so I suffered in silence and just ran amok and got called nice names like incorrigible. I was sleeping around by the age of 14 and using drugs by the age of 15. I quit school in 11th grade even though I got a 1420 on my SATs and had the second highest score on the end of grade testing in the state of VA that year. Oh yeah I was a bright girl! I thought boys, drugs and running wild were more important than my future. No one could tell me any different back then. </p><p></p><p>By the age of 18 I had been pregnant once, had an abortion, gotten raped at knife point with my best friend (the anniversary date of that is in 12 days), ended up pregnant again with my now oldest son, married and started to settle down. </p><p></p><p>It took my father finally having a complete and utter hissy fit and throwing my rear end out after I got married to the complete looser that was my first husband and telling me that I had made my bed and now I must lie in it. He refused to watch me go down the path I was going down. I was grown and had a child. It was up to me. He watched me walk away. I am sure it was the hardest thing he ever did to turn his back on his child and grandchild but it was the best thing he ever did for me. </p><p></p><p>By the time I was 21 I had left the looser, I ended up meeting the man I am with now. My dad still didnt come around for a long time. It took me proving to him that I had matured and was now responsible for my own life. </p><p></p><p>I ended up having two more kids when it wasnt the brightest thing to do but thats another story. I went back to school and got my associates degree with a 4.0. I did it with 3 kids under the age of 5. No one did it for me. We clawed and scratched our way through life. We didnt have the family help that so many people have. </p><p></p><p>Finally my dad came around. He was there the day I graduated from college and no one could have been as proud as he was. He was also there the day my son graduated from boot camp as a Marine and he said that was the best thing anyone ever did for him. His grandson graduated from the same place he did 60 years to the year later. I felt like I had finally made him proud. </p><p></p><p>Sometimes it takes a parent detaching completely and watching their child struggle to give them the space to learn to fly. If my father had been satisfied to sit there and enable me back then, I may have sat on my hiney and been on drugs my whole life. Instead I stopped as a teen. I left that world behind and I grew up. </p><p></p><p>Give your daughter her wings and let her soar. You may be surprised by the outcome.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="DammitJanet, post: 49004, member: 1514"] Ok...I am going to pull my story out one more time. I really should put this into a word format so I dont have to retype this ...lol. I was your daughter. No I wasnt adopted or Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) but I was probably born with early onset bipolar and grew up in a home with a very abusive mother who caused me develop a lovely case of borderline personality disorder. At least we assume that is where it came from. I was also sexually abused by a babysitter from the ages of 3 thru 4. As you can probably predict I was was a huge difficult child in my teen years. I could give any of the kids on this board a run for their money. Back then they didnt have names for the disorders or much in the way of treatment so I suffered in silence and just ran amok and got called nice names like incorrigible. I was sleeping around by the age of 14 and using drugs by the age of 15. I quit school in 11th grade even though I got a 1420 on my SATs and had the second highest score on the end of grade testing in the state of VA that year. Oh yeah I was a bright girl! I thought boys, drugs and running wild were more important than my future. No one could tell me any different back then. By the age of 18 I had been pregnant once, had an abortion, gotten raped at knife point with my best friend (the anniversary date of that is in 12 days), ended up pregnant again with my now oldest son, married and started to settle down. It took my father finally having a complete and utter hissy fit and throwing my rear end out after I got married to the complete looser that was my first husband and telling me that I had made my bed and now I must lie in it. He refused to watch me go down the path I was going down. I was grown and had a child. It was up to me. He watched me walk away. I am sure it was the hardest thing he ever did to turn his back on his child and grandchild but it was the best thing he ever did for me. By the time I was 21 I had left the looser, I ended up meeting the man I am with now. My dad still didnt come around for a long time. It took me proving to him that I had matured and was now responsible for my own life. I ended up having two more kids when it wasnt the brightest thing to do but thats another story. I went back to school and got my associates degree with a 4.0. I did it with 3 kids under the age of 5. No one did it for me. We clawed and scratched our way through life. We didnt have the family help that so many people have. Finally my dad came around. He was there the day I graduated from college and no one could have been as proud as he was. He was also there the day my son graduated from boot camp as a Marine and he said that was the best thing anyone ever did for him. His grandson graduated from the same place he did 60 years to the year later. I felt like I had finally made him proud. Sometimes it takes a parent detaching completely and watching their child struggle to give them the space to learn to fly. If my father had been satisfied to sit there and enable me back then, I may have sat on my hiney and been on drugs my whole life. Instead I stopped as a teen. I left that world behind and I grew up. Give your daughter her wings and let her soar. You may be surprised by the outcome. [/QUOTE]
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