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Parent Support Forums
Substance Abuse
Detachment - I am getting better at it.....
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 630516" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Think of it this way, as hard as it is.</p><p></p><p>Right now, you do not have any relationship with your clearheaded son. You have a relationship with the dope. My guess is that if he gets his act together, he will be back and his old self. If not, well, it is pretty hard to have any relationship with somebody whose personality is altered by drug affects. Drugs make nice people selfish, mean, conniving, thieves, liars, jail inmates and more, but it is not your real son. Often, drug using kids only talk to us when they want money. It isn't a regular give-and-take conversation about the two of us. My daughter was an alien to me when she used drugs. She was not my daughter. Our relationship was mom to stranger. She stole. She lied. She was on parole twice a nd I truly believe only her very dainty prettiness kept her from juvy hall. She participated in a robbery, although she was only in the car. She hung around with criminals.</p><p></p><p>My daughter is clean now. I can't even imagine that person who took over her body (the drugs) when she was using. </p><p></p><p>So your son is not really threatening you because right now he is not your son, in body or brain. But hopefully one day he will come back to you clean and sober and the man he COULD be. At this point, reasoning with him is pointless. </p><p></p><p>I'm glad you are learning to detach. Never give up hope that your boy will someday return, but go on with your life until then.</p><p></p><p>Hugs for your hurting mommy heart.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 630516, member: 1550"] Think of it this way, as hard as it is. Right now, you do not have any relationship with your clearheaded son. You have a relationship with the dope. My guess is that if he gets his act together, he will be back and his old self. If not, well, it is pretty hard to have any relationship with somebody whose personality is altered by drug affects. Drugs make nice people selfish, mean, conniving, thieves, liars, jail inmates and more, but it is not your real son. Often, drug using kids only talk to us when they want money. It isn't a regular give-and-take conversation about the two of us. My daughter was an alien to me when she used drugs. She was not my daughter. Our relationship was mom to stranger. She stole. She lied. She was on parole twice a nd I truly believe only her very dainty prettiness kept her from juvy hall. She participated in a robbery, although she was only in the car. She hung around with criminals. My daughter is clean now. I can't even imagine that person who took over her body (the drugs) when she was using. So your son is not really threatening you because right now he is not your son, in body or brain. But hopefully one day he will come back to you clean and sober and the man he COULD be. At this point, reasoning with him is pointless. I'm glad you are learning to detach. Never give up hope that your boy will someday return, but go on with your life until then. Hugs for your hurting mommy heart. [/QUOTE]
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Detachment - I am getting better at it.....
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