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Substance Abuse
Detachment - I am getting better at it.....
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 630522" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>TL, sit down and write out what you will say if he starts badgering you for cigarettes (or anything else). </p><p></p><p>Write down your responses. Read them over and over again. Then put a copy in your purse. Read it over again right before you pick him up. </p><p></p><p>That way, you will have a plan. Now, he will likely throw some other curve ball at you---that you haven't thought of---but having a plan for what you can think of will help you today and that day.</p><p></p><p>Some possible responses:</p><p></p><p>1. We have talked about this already. The answer is No. (repeat)</p><p></p><p>2. I don't want to continue this conversation. (repeat)</p><p></p><p>3. The answer is No. (repeat)</p><p></p><p>4. I'm sorry you feel that way. (repeat)</p><p></p><p>5. I am sure it is hard. (repeat)</p><p></p><p>6. I love you. (repeat)</p><p></p><p></p><p>Don't get engaged in a circular, roundabout dialogue about any of it. Well, gollee Mom, this is a fine time to take a stand. Here I am getting better, and trying to change and you aren't supporting me at all (as you are driving him there, !!!???). Everybody knows you can't stop everything at once. How about just one pack? That's all, just for the trip. Because, Mom, wow, it's going to be so awful there, and this would make me feel so much better. See I'm so anxious and nervous. See, my hands are shaking. And I'm scared Mom. A cigarette would really help me calm down. Don't you want me to be calm, Mom? Gosh, mom you never support me. You just don't get it. You never HAVE supported me or understood how hard I try, and just how hard my life really is....Blah, blah, blah. </p><p></p><p>That is what it is. Don't buy it. Don't fall for it. Don't engage in it. Don't waste your time and energy. Just repeat what you have decided to say. </p><p></p><p>If he ramps up, repeat. If he gets out of control, stop the car and call the police.</p><p></p><p>Take care of YOU during this time.</p><p></p><p>Last year, when my son went to rehab, I went out and bought him two cartons of cigarettes. I hated every minute of the transaction and I felt sick inside. But I had been advised not to fight that battle too, since he was trying to change.</p><p></p><p>BS. </p><p></p><p>I will never do that again. I am never, never, never buying him cigarettes again. Period, for any reason. I don't care if he is in complete nicotine withdrawal, it isn't happening---at least from me.</p><p></p><p>Hang in there. You can do this. When you look back, you will see that you took a step forward here.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 630522, member: 17542"] TL, sit down and write out what you will say if he starts badgering you for cigarettes (or anything else). Write down your responses. Read them over and over again. Then put a copy in your purse. Read it over again right before you pick him up. That way, you will have a plan. Now, he will likely throw some other curve ball at you---that you haven't thought of---but having a plan for what you can think of will help you today and that day. Some possible responses: 1. We have talked about this already. The answer is No. (repeat) 2. I don't want to continue this conversation. (repeat) 3. The answer is No. (repeat) 4. I'm sorry you feel that way. (repeat) 5. I am sure it is hard. (repeat) 6. I love you. (repeat) Don't get engaged in a circular, roundabout dialogue about any of it. Well, gollee Mom, this is a fine time to take a stand. Here I am getting better, and trying to change and you aren't supporting me at all (as you are driving him there, !!!???). Everybody knows you can't stop everything at once. How about just one pack? That's all, just for the trip. Because, Mom, wow, it's going to be so awful there, and this would make me feel so much better. See I'm so anxious and nervous. See, my hands are shaking. And I'm scared Mom. A cigarette would really help me calm down. Don't you want me to be calm, Mom? Gosh, mom you never support me. You just don't get it. You never HAVE supported me or understood how hard I try, and just how hard my life really is....Blah, blah, blah. That is what it is. Don't buy it. Don't fall for it. Don't engage in it. Don't waste your time and energy. Just repeat what you have decided to say. If he ramps up, repeat. If he gets out of control, stop the car and call the police. Take care of YOU during this time. Last year, when my son went to rehab, I went out and bought him two cartons of cigarettes. I hated every minute of the transaction and I felt sick inside. But I had been advised not to fight that battle too, since he was trying to change. BS. I will never do that again. I am never, never, never buying him cigarettes again. Period, for any reason. I don't care if he is in complete nicotine withdrawal, it isn't happening---at least from me. Hang in there. You can do this. When you look back, you will see that you took a step forward here. [/QUOTE]
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