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<blockquote data-quote="Roxona" data-source="post: 688688" data-attributes="member: 19076"><p>First you set your boundaries, and you guard them fiercely. When they try to break them, you tell them that you love them, but the answer is no. </p><p></p><p>I love my son, J, more than anything in the world. He is a recovering meth addict. He still smokes weed here and there, but he hasn't used meth in almost a year. When he went to rehab last summer, I had to make a lot of changes. Part of that was where my boundaries were. I sat down with my husband and we discussed the things that were absolutely not acceptable, and the things we could live with. We became a united front. When J got back from rehab, we sat down with him and told him where the new boundaries were and had him sign a paper that listed the new rules. </p><p></p><p>Every once in a while he will try to push it, but I have learned to calmly tell him no. For the most part he's been doing really well, but like some teenagers, he still needs to be directed and redirected. He's having a difficult time launching into adulthood.</p><p></p><p>J has a hard time with depression and tends to be on the negative side of things. I have a hard time with depression too, and can only listen to him for short periods of time. So I do. I'll sit and listen to him for about 5 or 10 minutes, and then I'll tell him I need to take a shower or go run an errand. I always tell him that I love him, and I always try to encourage all the positive movement his does. Sometimes, though, when he is especially emotional, I have to give in and listen to him for an hour or two.</p><p></p><p>Some people have to detach all the way and some are able to partially detach. J is my only blood family I have left close to me, so I don't think I could ever completely detach.</p><p></p><p>Detachment is hard...no two ways about it. However, practice make perfect.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Roxona, post: 688688, member: 19076"] First you set your boundaries, and you guard them fiercely. When they try to break them, you tell them that you love them, but the answer is no. I love my son, J, more than anything in the world. He is a recovering meth addict. He still smokes weed here and there, but he hasn't used meth in almost a year. When he went to rehab last summer, I had to make a lot of changes. Part of that was where my boundaries were. I sat down with my husband and we discussed the things that were absolutely not acceptable, and the things we could live with. We became a united front. When J got back from rehab, we sat down with him and told him where the new boundaries were and had him sign a paper that listed the new rules. Every once in a while he will try to push it, but I have learned to calmly tell him no. For the most part he's been doing really well, but like some teenagers, he still needs to be directed and redirected. He's having a difficult time launching into adulthood. J has a hard time with depression and tends to be on the negative side of things. I have a hard time with depression too, and can only listen to him for short periods of time. So I do. I'll sit and listen to him for about 5 or 10 minutes, and then I'll tell him I need to take a shower or go run an errand. I always tell him that I love him, and I always try to encourage all the positive movement his does. Sometimes, though, when he is especially emotional, I have to give in and listen to him for an hour or two. Some people have to detach all the way and some are able to partially detach. J is my only blood family I have left close to me, so I don't think I could ever completely detach. Detachment is hard...no two ways about it. However, practice make perfect. [/QUOTE]
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