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Parent Emeritus
detatched, denial, intermittant lies and stealing credit card no. to buy "toys"
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<blockquote data-quote="Tanya M" data-source="post: 667669" data-attributes="member: 18516"><p>Welcome tfd, I'm glad you found us here but sorry you had to. Your story is a familiar one here on this site. Read my signature and you'll get an idea of what I have been through with my own son.</p><p></p><p>Your wife sounds like she is in real denial which is not at all uncommon. I think sometimes it's harder for moms to detach because by nature we are nurturers. When our children are small and they get a scrape or are scared us moms are always there to comfort them and make everything ok. We can continue this right on into adulthood. What starts out as helping quickly can turn into enabling. All we know is we want to make everything ok for them. It's also hard to see our adult child as an adult. It some time for me to stop seeing my sweet little boy when I would think of my son. I had to really work at seeing him for who his is, a grown man with Rastafarian hair and a scraggly beard.</p><p></p><p>It's understandable that you kicked him out. I know all too well the feeling of betrayal when your own child steals from you and acts like it's no big deal. I did on more than one occasion call the police on my son. He once stole $3000 in cash that I had hidden very well (so I thought). Never underestimate their desire and determination to find what they want.</p><p>It's not an easy thing to call the police on your own child and for some they just simply are not ready or willing to do that.</p><p></p><p>There is a good article at the top of the PE forum on detaching. It's very good and you might want to share it with your wife.</p><p></p><p>I know how hard it can be on a marriage when dealing with a difficult adult child. My husband and I weathered some pretty good storms but we made it.</p><p>Perhaps you and your wife might benefit from some counseling. If not together then you might consider it for yourself. It's good to have someone that can offer unbiased clear perspective.</p><p></p><p>This video gives a clear description of helping -vs- enabling. Setting boundaries is vital in surviving an adult difficult child.</p><p></p><p>Keep posting and let us know how things are going. Others will come along and share.</p><p></p><p>[MEDIA=youtube]SQQGLduPCCA[/MEDIA]</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tanya M, post: 667669, member: 18516"] Welcome tfd, I'm glad you found us here but sorry you had to. Your story is a familiar one here on this site. Read my signature and you'll get an idea of what I have been through with my own son. Your wife sounds like she is in real denial which is not at all uncommon. I think sometimes it's harder for moms to detach because by nature we are nurturers. When our children are small and they get a scrape or are scared us moms are always there to comfort them and make everything ok. We can continue this right on into adulthood. What starts out as helping quickly can turn into enabling. All we know is we want to make everything ok for them. It's also hard to see our adult child as an adult. It some time for me to stop seeing my sweet little boy when I would think of my son. I had to really work at seeing him for who his is, a grown man with Rastafarian hair and a scraggly beard. It's understandable that you kicked him out. I know all too well the feeling of betrayal when your own child steals from you and acts like it's no big deal. I did on more than one occasion call the police on my son. He once stole $3000 in cash that I had hidden very well (so I thought). Never underestimate their desire and determination to find what they want. It's not an easy thing to call the police on your own child and for some they just simply are not ready or willing to do that. There is a good article at the top of the PE forum on detaching. It's very good and you might want to share it with your wife. I know how hard it can be on a marriage when dealing with a difficult adult child. My husband and I weathered some pretty good storms but we made it. Perhaps you and your wife might benefit from some counseling. If not together then you might consider it for yourself. It's good to have someone that can offer unbiased clear perspective. This video gives a clear description of helping -vs- enabling. Setting boundaries is vital in surviving an adult difficult child. Keep posting and let us know how things are going. Others will come along and share. [MEDIA=youtube]SQQGLduPCCA[/MEDIA] [/QUOTE]
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detatched, denial, intermittant lies and stealing credit card no. to buy "toys"
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