DazedandConfused
Well-Known Member
I cant get a hold of anybody. No one is answering their phones! Including husband. So, here I am at the computer sharing this with all of you.
As I write this, my Stepfather is being taken off life support. He had a massive heart attack yesterday morning in the ER and after 30 minutes of work, they got a pulse. However, 30 minutes of no oxygen to his brain, I think everyone knows what that means.
Hes gone.
He was 49. I know, only a few years older than me. Its a very long story. But, basically, hes 13 years younger than my Mom. She met him right after she split with my Dad after 22 years of a disastrous marriage. He was 22, and my Mom was 36. Yes, I had an extremely hard time accepting him. And, frankly, he and my Mom screwed up badly when it came to us kids who were severely traumatized by our Fathers behavior.
Anyway, after I got married and had children, my stepfather was Grandfather to my kids. My own father never cared, or paid much attention.
My stepfather, or Papaw, was WONDERFUL to my kids and they adored him. He IS their grandfather. He built things for them and took them places with my Mom. Every summer my Mom and Papaw took them on a trip to the beach where they would boogie board to their hearts delight for days.
Im devastated, absolutely crushed, and heart broken for my children. I would always think to myself how lucky my kids were because they had such a young grandfather. And, now hes gone.
Yesterday, Daughter and I spent all day at the hospital. Daughter, who struggles with anxiety anyway, was so scared to see him. They had him in the cardiac ICU hooked up with every pumping and breathing apparatus ever invented by man. Daughter stroked his arm, told him she loved him, sat with him, and then kissed him on the forehead good-bye. I took a picture of that. It may be morbid now, but years from now it will make sense.
I was very afraid of taking Son. First off, hes struggling to understand. That would be true of any child, but for Son, its extremely difficult. He saw the pictures of Papaw and Daughter. I figured this would help with any shock he might feel at seeing him that way. I wanted to make a bridge for him.Because of the suddenness of what happened, I knew he needed to see him. Some parents might disagree, but Son was so close to him. He needed that bridge from one day Papaw is fine and the next day hes passed away.
I didnt push, I merely mentioned that would ask permission for him to see his Papaw because of the age requirement. Through my sister, the nurse in charge of the unit gave him permission for a very quick (I was going to make it fast anyway) visit at 8pm after regular visiting hours. We walked in holding hands. Son did such a good job. He touched him and told him he loved him. I told him it was okay to cry. And Son burst into tears.
We left and went home.
****I was unable to post this yesterday when I wrote it, husband finally called back****
Papaw went to Hospice after he was taken off life support. He died this morning at 3:30am. Interestingly, that is when I woke up and couldnt get back to sleep. My sister calls me at 4:20am to tell me he had passed. When the kids got up for school, I told them. It was expected, so no shock. Just deep sadness. Son still doesnt get it. Im going to tell those doctors they need to make Papaw be alive, NOW. Then, I guess he cant fix my bike anymore.
We all live on the same street. So, at least Im close. But, my kids were used seeing him nearly everyday. Oh, geez! This is going to be so damn hard! Life
! (I know that is going to be censored. Dont worry, it wasnt profane). Why him??? Im not religious at all. In fact, from that angle, it only infuriates me more.
My Mom is doing quite well. Stepfather was the love of her life. They were going to be married 22 years next month. She has never been on her own. She married my Dad at 14.
I know you all dont know me and I know Im rambling.
But, I just need to make this public somewhere.
Dear Will,
Inspite of everything that went down between you and I, it had been water under the bridge for many years. I know you felt guilty about what happened in the beginning. I got over it. Especially after A was diagnosed with leukemia. It just didnt matter anymore.
You were such a wonderful husband to my Mom. She adored you and you adored her. You were such a fantastic grandfather to my kids. Thank you for everything you ever did for them. Im so very sorry you left us so soon. Im going to miss you. C is going to miss you. The world was better because you were in it.
I love you!
D
If you got this far reading this. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.:crying::crying: :crying:
Dazed
As I write this, my Stepfather is being taken off life support. He had a massive heart attack yesterday morning in the ER and after 30 minutes of work, they got a pulse. However, 30 minutes of no oxygen to his brain, I think everyone knows what that means.
Hes gone.
He was 49. I know, only a few years older than me. Its a very long story. But, basically, hes 13 years younger than my Mom. She met him right after she split with my Dad after 22 years of a disastrous marriage. He was 22, and my Mom was 36. Yes, I had an extremely hard time accepting him. And, frankly, he and my Mom screwed up badly when it came to us kids who were severely traumatized by our Fathers behavior.
Anyway, after I got married and had children, my stepfather was Grandfather to my kids. My own father never cared, or paid much attention.
My stepfather, or Papaw, was WONDERFUL to my kids and they adored him. He IS their grandfather. He built things for them and took them places with my Mom. Every summer my Mom and Papaw took them on a trip to the beach where they would boogie board to their hearts delight for days.
Im devastated, absolutely crushed, and heart broken for my children. I would always think to myself how lucky my kids were because they had such a young grandfather. And, now hes gone.
Yesterday, Daughter and I spent all day at the hospital. Daughter, who struggles with anxiety anyway, was so scared to see him. They had him in the cardiac ICU hooked up with every pumping and breathing apparatus ever invented by man. Daughter stroked his arm, told him she loved him, sat with him, and then kissed him on the forehead good-bye. I took a picture of that. It may be morbid now, but years from now it will make sense.
I was very afraid of taking Son. First off, hes struggling to understand. That would be true of any child, but for Son, its extremely difficult. He saw the pictures of Papaw and Daughter. I figured this would help with any shock he might feel at seeing him that way. I wanted to make a bridge for him.Because of the suddenness of what happened, I knew he needed to see him. Some parents might disagree, but Son was so close to him. He needed that bridge from one day Papaw is fine and the next day hes passed away.
I didnt push, I merely mentioned that would ask permission for him to see his Papaw because of the age requirement. Through my sister, the nurse in charge of the unit gave him permission for a very quick (I was going to make it fast anyway) visit at 8pm after regular visiting hours. We walked in holding hands. Son did such a good job. He touched him and told him he loved him. I told him it was okay to cry. And Son burst into tears.
We left and went home.
****I was unable to post this yesterday when I wrote it, husband finally called back****
Papaw went to Hospice after he was taken off life support. He died this morning at 3:30am. Interestingly, that is when I woke up and couldnt get back to sleep. My sister calls me at 4:20am to tell me he had passed. When the kids got up for school, I told them. It was expected, so no shock. Just deep sadness. Son still doesnt get it. Im going to tell those doctors they need to make Papaw be alive, NOW. Then, I guess he cant fix my bike anymore.
We all live on the same street. So, at least Im close. But, my kids were used seeing him nearly everyday. Oh, geez! This is going to be so damn hard! Life
! (I know that is going to be censored. Dont worry, it wasnt profane). Why him??? Im not religious at all. In fact, from that angle, it only infuriates me more. My Mom is doing quite well. Stepfather was the love of her life. They were going to be married 22 years next month. She has never been on her own. She married my Dad at 14.
I know you all dont know me and I know Im rambling.
But, I just need to make this public somewhere.
Dear Will,
Inspite of everything that went down between you and I, it had been water under the bridge for many years. I know you felt guilty about what happened in the beginning. I got over it. Especially after A was diagnosed with leukemia. It just didnt matter anymore.
You were such a wonderful husband to my Mom. She adored you and you adored her. You were such a fantastic grandfather to my kids. Thank you for everything you ever did for them. Im so very sorry you left us so soon. Im going to miss you. C is going to miss you. The world was better because you were in it.
I love you!
D
If you got this far reading this. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.:crying::crying: :crying:
Dazed
