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<blockquote data-quote="RN0441" data-source="post: 708071" data-attributes="member: 15032"><p>Welcome Nessie:</p><p></p><p>Of course you are struggling with your decision. It's the hardest thing ever to do. As a mom I wanted everything to be perfect for my kids because I did not have that myself growing up. </p><p></p><p>We moved our son out a year ago this month and he is doing much better away from us. I still struggle with guilt though. Guilt that he is missing precious time with us and his brothers. Missing the day to day family time. As I get older I realize how short life really is and our loved ones and friends are really all that matters.</p><p></p><p>I have been seeing a therapist for six months but now have just made an appointment with a new one that I will see once a month or so to continue to help me deal with my feelings on my son and everything that we've been through due to his addiction and poor choices. I had been undecided on whether to continue this or not but I think I still need the support and unbiased discussions with someone that is well trained.</p><p></p><p>I agree with everyone else's posts. Your daughters are at a critical age and they need you. You have raised your son. He is an adult now. I know they don't seem to be adult like because drug use can really slow down their maturity and we know that boys are way behind girls in the maturity department in most instances.</p><p></p><p>I, like you, gave my son every opportunity to follow our very basic rules. Go to school and/or get a job. No drugs. He just could not comply for whatever reason. So in truth HE made the choice not to be with us as your son made the choice not to be with you. I felt scared in my own home also because when he was using I felt like I was living with a stranger. A stranger that I did not like and I did not want around me. He turned our home into a battleground.</p><p></p><p>My therapist helped me to set boundaries for both him and us as his parents. <u>They need boundaries</u>. It does not mean you do not love him, it means you are getting out of his way and giving him the opportunity to figure out this thing we call life. How do you want to live? What kind of person do you want to be? I gave my son those questions to answer for himself. He is the only one that can answer them. </p><p></p><p>I love my son but I never want to live with him again. We have not even let him come for a visit. That will be a long way off and I hope someday that he earns a visit home but it's really up to him. I will not let him come home until I'm absolutely positive I can trust him not to be the same person he was when he left.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="RN0441, post: 708071, member: 15032"] Welcome Nessie: Of course you are struggling with your decision. It's the hardest thing ever to do. As a mom I wanted everything to be perfect for my kids because I did not have that myself growing up. We moved our son out a year ago this month and he is doing much better away from us. I still struggle with guilt though. Guilt that he is missing precious time with us and his brothers. Missing the day to day family time. As I get older I realize how short life really is and our loved ones and friends are really all that matters. I have been seeing a therapist for six months but now have just made an appointment with a new one that I will see once a month or so to continue to help me deal with my feelings on my son and everything that we've been through due to his addiction and poor choices. I had been undecided on whether to continue this or not but I think I still need the support and unbiased discussions with someone that is well trained. I agree with everyone else's posts. Your daughters are at a critical age and they need you. You have raised your son. He is an adult now. I know they don't seem to be adult like because drug use can really slow down their maturity and we know that boys are way behind girls in the maturity department in most instances. I, like you, gave my son every opportunity to follow our very basic rules. Go to school and/or get a job. No drugs. He just could not comply for whatever reason. So in truth HE made the choice not to be with us as your son made the choice not to be with you. I felt scared in my own home also because when he was using I felt like I was living with a stranger. A stranger that I did not like and I did not want around me. He turned our home into a battleground. My therapist helped me to set boundaries for both him and us as his parents. [U]They need boundaries[/U]. It does not mean you do not love him, it means you are getting out of his way and giving him the opportunity to figure out this thing we call life. How do you want to live? What kind of person do you want to be? I gave my son those questions to answer for himself. He is the only one that can answer them. I love my son but I never want to live with him again. We have not even let him come for a visit. That will be a long way off and I hope someday that he earns a visit home but it's really up to him. I will not let him come home until I'm absolutely positive I can trust him not to be the same person he was when he left. [/QUOTE]
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