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Devastated
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 708253" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>The first step, one most of us have to make, is to stop thinking of him and picturing him as your little boy. Yes, they were all adorable kids who put dandelions on our desks and cried to us for comfort when they had a booboo.</p><p></p><p>Thats over. They are men with beards, chest hair, low voices and most of them have changed usually due to drugs and their unwillingness to grow up. They get angry when we do not sustain them like we did when they were ten. They are abusive to those who love and helped them the most.</p><p></p><p>We all need to stop thinking of our adult children as our little boys and girls. If we dont, we think we are abusing our minor children, still with smiles and childhood vulnerability. But they are actually abusing us and they are hard and capable of physically hurting us. Many do. This is so far out of normal, but we excuse the assault, phoney lies snd fake police calls about us, the stealing, the crime, the drugging, the entitlement...we excuse it because to not deny is to accept the unthinkable.</p><p></p><p>Second, we need to stop blaming ourselves. None of us raised our kids to do.these things. Not one of us. There are bigger factors than our parenting...peer groups, school, DNA (often from a father they never knew but they carry their genes forever), and their own unique abilities/disabilities and experiences outside of home.</p><p></p><p>Let it go the best you can. Detach from his drama. Still love him. Nothing will stop your love. But you can detach from the drama and poor choices. And must for your sake.</p><p></p><p>Wishing you some peace this day.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 708253, member: 1550"] The first step, one most of us have to make, is to stop thinking of him and picturing him as your little boy. Yes, they were all adorable kids who put dandelions on our desks and cried to us for comfort when they had a booboo. Thats over. They are men with beards, chest hair, low voices and most of them have changed usually due to drugs and their unwillingness to grow up. They get angry when we do not sustain them like we did when they were ten. They are abusive to those who love and helped them the most. We all need to stop thinking of our adult children as our little boys and girls. If we dont, we think we are abusing our minor children, still with smiles and childhood vulnerability. But they are actually abusing us and they are hard and capable of physically hurting us. Many do. This is so far out of normal, but we excuse the assault, phoney lies snd fake police calls about us, the stealing, the crime, the drugging, the entitlement...we excuse it because to not deny is to accept the unthinkable. Second, we need to stop blaming ourselves. None of us raised our kids to do.these things. Not one of us. There are bigger factors than our parenting...peer groups, school, DNA (often from a father they never knew but they carry their genes forever), and their own unique abilities/disabilities and experiences outside of home. Let it go the best you can. Detach from his drama. Still love him. Nothing will stop your love. But you can detach from the drama and poor choices. And must for your sake. Wishing you some peace this day. [/QUOTE]
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