Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Diagnosis = Heartbreak
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 641141" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Cinder, I did not mean enjoy others by talking about your son to them. I would only talk about your son to safe people, a therapist included if you are so inlclined. I mean go out and have fun, have a good time, enjoy yourself and try to forget about what your son is doing since you can't control it.</p><p></p><p>Give yourself permission to put yourself first...you deserve it...and to jump into life with enthusiasm and keep your son on low contact so he can't interfere with the new peace and happiness you will eventually feel if you don't focus on him first. Whatever his diagnosis is, he is a big boy and responsible for what he does and only he can decide to do better so worrying about him will not help him and it will hurt your health and happiness. Don't let him take you down his dark path with him. He is making a decision to be the way he is. He can decide on his own to get help and change and he knows this. As for me, I only talk about my son's escapades with my therapist. He lives several states away now and many people don't even know he exists. My family is MY business and nobody needs to know about it. That includes my dysfunctional family and the big mouth gossips in my community. My therapist HAS to keep it to herself...lol.</p><p></p><p>There IS a grieving process. However it does not last forever. I am at the place in life when I am at radical acceptance. Life is what it is. I can't change it. I embrace my son's different-ness and do not expect him to change. He is already 37. We can get along now due to my phone rules, which are quite strict, and him not being under stress right now. When he is under stress he literally decomposes and is scary. I have learned to go low contact during those times.</p><p></p><p>It may help you not to answer calls from the cops. Let your son text or call you and read the messages later, when you are relaxed and in a good place a nd ready to be very calm and rather quiet. If he calls and says "I'm in jail. I need you to bail me out!" you can then respond, "I'm sorry you're in jail. I can't bail you out." When the expected abuse from him starts up, just calmely say, "I have something to do. Call me when you are calmer and if I have time we can try to talk again." Then gently hang up and ignore the other calls. When you are with friends, turn your phone off. It is very freeing. At 29, he doesn't need his mommy. He needs to man up. As do all of our grown kids. You CAN learn to live a very rich, happy, fulfilling life in spite of your son's implosion. You are two seperate people and you can decide you are not going to let him destroy your life. You have that power. None over him. 100% over you and how you will live your life.</p><p></p><p>Remember: "Today is the first day of the rest of your life." Make it a GREAT one, just for YOU!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 641141, member: 1550"] Cinder, I did not mean enjoy others by talking about your son to them. I would only talk about your son to safe people, a therapist included if you are so inlclined. I mean go out and have fun, have a good time, enjoy yourself and try to forget about what your son is doing since you can't control it. Give yourself permission to put yourself first...you deserve it...and to jump into life with enthusiasm and keep your son on low contact so he can't interfere with the new peace and happiness you will eventually feel if you don't focus on him first. Whatever his diagnosis is, he is a big boy and responsible for what he does and only he can decide to do better so worrying about him will not help him and it will hurt your health and happiness. Don't let him take you down his dark path with him. He is making a decision to be the way he is. He can decide on his own to get help and change and he knows this. As for me, I only talk about my son's escapades with my therapist. He lives several states away now and many people don't even know he exists. My family is MY business and nobody needs to know about it. That includes my dysfunctional family and the big mouth gossips in my community. My therapist HAS to keep it to herself...lol. There IS a grieving process. However it does not last forever. I am at the place in life when I am at radical acceptance. Life is what it is. I can't change it. I embrace my son's different-ness and do not expect him to change. He is already 37. We can get along now due to my phone rules, which are quite strict, and him not being under stress right now. When he is under stress he literally decomposes and is scary. I have learned to go low contact during those times. It may help you not to answer calls from the cops. Let your son text or call you and read the messages later, when you are relaxed and in a good place a nd ready to be very calm and rather quiet. If he calls and says "I'm in jail. I need you to bail me out!" you can then respond, "I'm sorry you're in jail. I can't bail you out." When the expected abuse from him starts up, just calmely say, "I have something to do. Call me when you are calmer and if I have time we can try to talk again." Then gently hang up and ignore the other calls. When you are with friends, turn your phone off. It is very freeing. At 29, he doesn't need his mommy. He needs to man up. As do all of our grown kids. You CAN learn to live a very rich, happy, fulfilling life in spite of your son's implosion. You are two seperate people and you can decide you are not going to let him destroy your life. You have that power. None over him. 100% over you and how you will live your life. Remember: "Today is the first day of the rest of your life." Make it a GREAT one, just for YOU! [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Diagnosis = Heartbreak
Top