P
PatriotsGirl
Guest
Here is a message I received on FB from A hole:
I know I'm probably the last person you want to hear from but I hope you can put your past frustrations with me aside at least long enough to read this. I know I've messed up. I know I've done things to both hurt difficult child and enable her addiction. I just want you to know that I'm truely sorry. Its funny how God uses things like 3 months of quiet time in a county jail to open our eyes to things that teach us. I know until you see a continued change in my actions then you wont have reason to believe that there has been a change in my heart so I can only trust that in time you'll see evidence that I no longer am the person that I was this past year. I need you to know a few things. Over the last few years, pretty much since right before ex-girlfriend and I met I've struggled with using Meth. Before that tho, I lived a much different lifestyle. In 2002 I completed a 12 month inter program called Masters Commission, while at the same time finishing up an associates in practical theology and church leadership. I started getting opportunities to minister all over the east coast, all the way to New York. For years I traveled and did music, inner city ministry, evangelized, etc. If in involved working my butt off to serve and love people I did it. Then some doors opened for me to step into a pastoral role which meant I would be responsible for a rather large congregation and it scared the **** out of me. It was about that time that my fiance at the time whom I had been with for 7 years split, and within 2 weeks I met ex-girlfriend, she moved in and I started using meth daily. All within a matter of 2-3 weeks my life turned upside down. The bottom line is that I know that God has given me gifts and abilities that enable me to reach a lot of people and impact their lives in a positive way and I've been running from those gifts and the responsibility that comes with them and I simply cant run any longer. I havent gone to rehab, nor do I feel the need to. I'm clean, sober, focused and for the first time in a while excited about my future. There is just one thing. I know after everything that has happened this past year you might find this hard to believe but I love difficult child with every inch of my heart and would marry her today if she would have me. Its killing me to see her live like she is, especially when I know how much better the alternative is. I've begged her to leave where she's at and come stay with me at my brothers, or let me get us a place but she wont come. I know what its like to be caught up in situations but I lose sleep at night worrying about her. I dont mean to alarm you but you must know the severity of her situation. We havent been spending a lot of time together because I cant stand to be around drugs or people that use them anymore. I've begged her to go back to rehab, or at least get out of the envirnment that she's in. I know that under all that toughness there is a sweet, caring, compassionate person that is better than the losers she spends her time with now and if we can just show her something better hopefully she wont look back. I just want you to know that whatever sacrifice I need to make to help her I'm willing to do it. If there is anything you can think of that would persuade her please let me know. I'm so sorry if I've ever shown you disrespect and for everything I've put her through. I just want her well, most of all, then would like to be able to show her how much she means to me. For the rest of our lives. I pray for her daily, refuse to give up on her and will fight to be in her life until she tells me not to. I know this is a long message but I felt I needed to get this off my chest. If you would like to call me please feel free to do so. Thanks so much, M
Hmmm, I have to admit my heart softened a bit after reading this. difficult child stopped here on Christmas eve and told us that he asked her to marry him. There were crickets in the room. Of course, in typical difficult child fashion, doesn't look like she is jumping at the proposal. I just want her back in treatment. She told me that he was trying to talk her into going back and she was considering it. She needs to be there...but nothing I can do until she wants to be and I told him the same thing. Told him not to give up...
I know I'm probably the last person you want to hear from but I hope you can put your past frustrations with me aside at least long enough to read this. I know I've messed up. I know I've done things to both hurt difficult child and enable her addiction. I just want you to know that I'm truely sorry. Its funny how God uses things like 3 months of quiet time in a county jail to open our eyes to things that teach us. I know until you see a continued change in my actions then you wont have reason to believe that there has been a change in my heart so I can only trust that in time you'll see evidence that I no longer am the person that I was this past year. I need you to know a few things. Over the last few years, pretty much since right before ex-girlfriend and I met I've struggled with using Meth. Before that tho, I lived a much different lifestyle. In 2002 I completed a 12 month inter program called Masters Commission, while at the same time finishing up an associates in practical theology and church leadership. I started getting opportunities to minister all over the east coast, all the way to New York. For years I traveled and did music, inner city ministry, evangelized, etc. If in involved working my butt off to serve and love people I did it. Then some doors opened for me to step into a pastoral role which meant I would be responsible for a rather large congregation and it scared the **** out of me. It was about that time that my fiance at the time whom I had been with for 7 years split, and within 2 weeks I met ex-girlfriend, she moved in and I started using meth daily. All within a matter of 2-3 weeks my life turned upside down. The bottom line is that I know that God has given me gifts and abilities that enable me to reach a lot of people and impact their lives in a positive way and I've been running from those gifts and the responsibility that comes with them and I simply cant run any longer. I havent gone to rehab, nor do I feel the need to. I'm clean, sober, focused and for the first time in a while excited about my future. There is just one thing. I know after everything that has happened this past year you might find this hard to believe but I love difficult child with every inch of my heart and would marry her today if she would have me. Its killing me to see her live like she is, especially when I know how much better the alternative is. I've begged her to leave where she's at and come stay with me at my brothers, or let me get us a place but she wont come. I know what its like to be caught up in situations but I lose sleep at night worrying about her. I dont mean to alarm you but you must know the severity of her situation. We havent been spending a lot of time together because I cant stand to be around drugs or people that use them anymore. I've begged her to go back to rehab, or at least get out of the envirnment that she's in. I know that under all that toughness there is a sweet, caring, compassionate person that is better than the losers she spends her time with now and if we can just show her something better hopefully she wont look back. I just want you to know that whatever sacrifice I need to make to help her I'm willing to do it. If there is anything you can think of that would persuade her please let me know. I'm so sorry if I've ever shown you disrespect and for everything I've put her through. I just want her well, most of all, then would like to be able to show her how much she means to me. For the rest of our lives. I pray for her daily, refuse to give up on her and will fight to be in her life until she tells me not to. I know this is a long message but I felt I needed to get this off my chest. If you would like to call me please feel free to do so. Thanks so much, M
Hmmm, I have to admit my heart softened a bit after reading this. difficult child stopped here on Christmas eve and told us that he asked her to marry him. There were crickets in the room. Of course, in typical difficult child fashion, doesn't look like she is jumping at the proposal. I just want her back in treatment. She told me that he was trying to talk her into going back and she was considering it. She needs to be there...but nothing I can do until she wants to be and I told him the same thing. Told him not to give up...
