Did A hole redeem himself a little?

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by PatriotsGirl, Dec 28, 2012.

  1. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    Here is a message I received on FB from A hole:

    I know I'm probably the last person you want to hear from but I hope you can put your past frustrations with me aside at least long enough to read this. I know I've messed up. I know I've done things to both hurt difficult child and enable her addiction. I just want you to know that I'm truely sorry. Its funny how God uses things like 3 months of quiet time in a county jail to open our eyes to things that teach us. I know until you see a continued change in my actions then you wont have reason to believe that there has been a change in my heart so I can only trust that in time you'll see evidence that I no longer am the person that I was this past year. I need you to know a few things. Over the last few years, pretty much since right before ex-girlfriend and I met I've struggled with using Meth. Before that tho, I lived a much different lifestyle. In 2002 I completed a 12 month inter program called Masters Commission, while at the same time finishing up an associates in practical theology and church leadership. I started getting opportunities to minister all over the east coast, all the way to New York. For years I traveled and did music, inner city ministry, evangelized, etc. If in involved working my butt off to serve and love people I did it. Then some doors opened for me to step into a pastoral role which meant I would be responsible for a rather large congregation and it scared the **** out of me. It was about that time that my fiance at the time whom I had been with for 7 years split, and within 2 weeks I met ex-girlfriend, she moved in and I started using meth daily. All within a matter of 2-3 weeks my life turned upside down. The bottom line is that I know that God has given me gifts and abilities that enable me to reach a lot of people and impact their lives in a positive way and I've been running from those gifts and the responsibility that comes with them and I simply cant run any longer. I havent gone to rehab, nor do I feel the need to. I'm clean, sober, focused and for the first time in a while excited about my future. There is just one thing. I know after everything that has happened this past year you might find this hard to believe but I love difficult child with every inch of my heart and would marry her today if she would have me. Its killing me to see her live like she is, especially when I know how much better the alternative is. I've begged her to leave where she's at and come stay with me at my brothers, or let me get us a place but she wont come. I know what its like to be caught up in situations but I lose sleep at night worrying about her. I dont mean to alarm you but you must know the severity of her situation. We havent been spending a lot of time together because I cant stand to be around drugs or people that use them anymore. I've begged her to go back to rehab, or at least get out of the envirnment that she's in. I know that under all that toughness there is a sweet, caring, compassionate person that is better than the losers she spends her time with now and if we can just show her something better hopefully she wont look back. I just want you to know that whatever sacrifice I need to make to help her I'm willing to do it. If there is anything you can think of that would persuade her please let me know. I'm so sorry if I've ever shown you disrespect and for everything I've put her through. I just want her well, most of all, then would like to be able to show her how much she means to me. For the rest of our lives. I pray for her daily, refuse to give up on her and will fight to be in her life until she tells me not to. I know this is a long message but I felt I needed to get this off my chest. If you would like to call me please feel free to do so. Thanks so much, M

    Hmmm, I have to admit my heart softened a bit after reading this. difficult child stopped here on Christmas eve and told us that he asked her to marry him. There were crickets in the room. Of course, in typical difficult child fashion, doesn't look like she is jumping at the proposal. I just want her back in treatment. She told me that he was trying to talk her into going back and she was considering it. She needs to be there...but nothing I can do until she wants to be and I told him the same thing. Told him not to give up...
  2. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    That is a lot to take in. I hope she finds her way and soon.
  3. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    It's good to have him in her corner. I'm usually skeptical but he sounds like he is on a good path and he could really be good for her. I'm hoping she will listen to him.
  4. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    Me, too. I have texted her and not received a response and the online phone records aren't working. I would love to know where her head is at. But I also have bad news. Her great grandmother is not expected to make it through next week. She had a special bond with her and I am not looking forward to relaying this news. :(
  5. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    I think it is great he wrote to you and gave you his point of view. It sounds like he really wants to help her and support her. My worry would be for both of them being together... he is pretty new in his own recovery and she could lead him to relapse...and really they both need to work on themselves before they can really help each other. But I think your keeping in touch with him is a good thing at this point.... and he may have some good inisght into your difficult child and hopefully she will listen to him about going back to rehab.

  6. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    He has really spilled his heart out to me over the past few days. I truly believe he does love her. Yesterday, he pulled an Officer and a Gentleman move:

    He ended up going over to where she is staying yesterday and told her that if she didn't pack up her things and come with him then he was moving in there and they would both live that way. She ended up going with him and called me but told me she is now homeless. I said certainly he wouldn't come pluck you out of a house and have nowhere for you to go?? (granted, don't know what the house was like but she supposedly had her own bedroom and it is a house on a lake that she loved). He messaged me on Facebook that he does not have it all figured out yet and while they will not be homeless, he is hoping she will go back to rehab. Oh my, so that is the plan? I told him that she has to really want rehab or she will just get discharged and relapse again. Ugh. But, I will let the two of them work it out. I know he is living with his brother. Not sure how the brother is going to feel about difficult child coming in. The brother seems like he has a normal family and a small child. But, not my drama to deal with and I can't get too involved in all of that right now..

    My husband's grandmother passed away last night and we are leaving today to go to Massachusetts for a few days, at least. It will just be husband and I. Wish it was under better circumstances...
  7. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    PG I am so sorry for the loss of a beloved family member. May she rest in peace. I also hope you daughter decides to go to rehab of her own accord. Also hoping that M can keep his act together and show her that it can be done. -RM