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Family of Origin
Did I give birth to an unicorn? Or three easy steps to become a guru
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<blockquote data-quote="SuZir" data-source="post: 664695" data-attributes="member: 14557"><p>After having few days to breath and calm down, I'm starting to have some new perspective. Maybe.</p><p></p><p>First: Why a dig on me? Despite feelings of contrary, I have to admit that it may have absolutely nothing to do with me. It may well be, that my dad just thought it made the story better. To have better dramatic curve and sense of wonder. And if that would be so, for my dad it would be a no issue and he wouldn't understand at all, that I could get upset over it.</p><p></p><p>As I said, he has peculiar way to relate to other people. If he didn't mean something to be offensive, he thinks no one should take offence. If for example calling me mundane makes a story better in his mind, only objection he would take from me, would be about if it made story better or not. Only valid argument to object calling me mundane would be a reasoning how calling me something else (or not mentioning me at all) would make a better story.</p><p></p><p>It is not how I think or how I think most people think, but it is how he relates to world and other people. I have soon known him 45 years, I should be used to it by now. </p><p></p><p>Second: I started to wonder why I'm so sure he would not cross my boundary over intentionally hurting my boys. That is quite a strong gut feeling I had difficult time placing to any known facts - till I looked to my wall. There was all the reasoning for that one. In his art. First of, I'm his constant. No arguing with that. Even over our long periods of no contact I was still present in most of his works. Haven't asked, but it may be all of them, because while in some I'm presented as rather clear motive, in some I'm there in the ways outsiders would not notice. It can well be, that in the rest I'm there in the way I don't spot myself, but that still has a meaning for my dad. I may be painted white or black but I'm not indifferent to him. </p><p></p><p>And then there is this one work he gave to me when Joy was a baby and before he ditched me for a long time. Wolf with her cubs. Not cutesy, romanticised wolf, but feral, fierce predator ready to fight till death for her cubs. He gets it and knows what will happen, if he hurts my young.</p><p></p><p>Third: He probably can't even imagine I would know or care. It was junk mail on topic he knows doesn't interest me. I have had no reason to read it. And that I found out about it because someone told me about it makes it a gossip. And because gossiping is bad, everything found out through it is inadmissible and I shouldn't take it account. So because I would not have found out about this, if someone wouldn't had pointed it out for me, I have no right to be upset about it. Sounds reasonable, eh?</p><p></p><p>I also have to say that I have currently quite a good reason to stay in good terms with him. I'm expecting rather spectacular birthday and Christmas presents from him and I want to get those. I did pay Joy to model for him with the deal I would get some sketches and I did and I love them. And he even gave me sketches of Ache too. But I have also seen the painting he did of Joy, and there is one of Ache too, that he let me understood he would gift to me, when they are ready. They almost are but he likes to keep his work sometime to settle before he makes final changes if he feels so. Both those works are spectacular and I really want them. Very different take of them than how I see them, especially Joy. One of Joy is young Adonis theme, Joy is a good looking kid and that one really shows a side of him that mother's eye do not catch. Very sensual and makes me almost blush, viewers eye certainly isn't mother's eye in that one, but I'm sure Joy will love it himself. One of Ache is something I too see glimpses, but still certainly foreign to me. It's extremely fierce painting of a man, which dad is calling modern gladiator themed. </p><p></p><p>So I guess I have lots of incentive to stay mum. Especially when confronting him would likely not do any good.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SuZir, post: 664695, member: 14557"] After having few days to breath and calm down, I'm starting to have some new perspective. Maybe. First: Why a dig on me? Despite feelings of contrary, I have to admit that it may have absolutely nothing to do with me. It may well be, that my dad just thought it made the story better. To have better dramatic curve and sense of wonder. And if that would be so, for my dad it would be a no issue and he wouldn't understand at all, that I could get upset over it. As I said, he has peculiar way to relate to other people. If he didn't mean something to be offensive, he thinks no one should take offence. If for example calling me mundane makes a story better in his mind, only objection he would take from me, would be about if it made story better or not. Only valid argument to object calling me mundane would be a reasoning how calling me something else (or not mentioning me at all) would make a better story. It is not how I think or how I think most people think, but it is how he relates to world and other people. I have soon known him 45 years, I should be used to it by now. Second: I started to wonder why I'm so sure he would not cross my boundary over intentionally hurting my boys. That is quite a strong gut feeling I had difficult time placing to any known facts - till I looked to my wall. There was all the reasoning for that one. In his art. First of, I'm his constant. No arguing with that. Even over our long periods of no contact I was still present in most of his works. Haven't asked, but it may be all of them, because while in some I'm presented as rather clear motive, in some I'm there in the ways outsiders would not notice. It can well be, that in the rest I'm there in the way I don't spot myself, but that still has a meaning for my dad. I may be painted white or black but I'm not indifferent to him. And then there is this one work he gave to me when Joy was a baby and before he ditched me for a long time. Wolf with her cubs. Not cutesy, romanticised wolf, but feral, fierce predator ready to fight till death for her cubs. He gets it and knows what will happen, if he hurts my young. Third: He probably can't even imagine I would know or care. It was junk mail on topic he knows doesn't interest me. I have had no reason to read it. And that I found out about it because someone told me about it makes it a gossip. And because gossiping is bad, everything found out through it is inadmissible and I shouldn't take it account. So because I would not have found out about this, if someone wouldn't had pointed it out for me, I have no right to be upset about it. Sounds reasonable, eh? I also have to say that I have currently quite a good reason to stay in good terms with him. I'm expecting rather spectacular birthday and Christmas presents from him and I want to get those. I did pay Joy to model for him with the deal I would get some sketches and I did and I love them. And he even gave me sketches of Ache too. But I have also seen the painting he did of Joy, and there is one of Ache too, that he let me understood he would gift to me, when they are ready. They almost are but he likes to keep his work sometime to settle before he makes final changes if he feels so. Both those works are spectacular and I really want them. Very different take of them than how I see them, especially Joy. One of Joy is young Adonis theme, Joy is a good looking kid and that one really shows a side of him that mother's eye do not catch. Very sensual and makes me almost blush, viewers eye certainly isn't mother's eye in that one, but I'm sure Joy will love it himself. One of Ache is something I too see glimpses, but still certainly foreign to me. It's extremely fierce painting of a man, which dad is calling modern gladiator themed. So I guess I have lots of incentive to stay mum. Especially when confronting him would likely not do any good. [/QUOTE]
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