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Did we overreact?
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<blockquote data-quote="Albatross" data-source="post: 629721" data-attributes="member: 17720"><p>MOF, in my opinion from objectively reading your post, you were not out of line. I definitely think he was surprised by it. And I think that's great! In fact, you're kinda my new hero! </p><p></p><p>My usual routine was to see my son doing the sorts of things your son did, calmly explain to him (an intelligent and savvy young adult) why it is wrong to use drugs in our home/total the car while driving impaired/leave spilled milk on his carpet for months/etc., get a bunch of BS excuses and promises with no change in behavior, write down rules, wait for him to break the rules at least 3 times, then kick him out. Remorse that seemed sincere, a move back home, rewind and start the cycle again, off and on for about 3 years, each time the behavior worse and me willing to tolerate more of his BS before I'd lower the boom again. And each time, do you know what he said?</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>They know. We want to think it's all just a matter of misunderstanding our expectations, because that's easier for us to accept than the alternative, that they just don't care.</p><p></p><p>He's 18. That's really young, but he's also employed so he CAN support himself. I think you've done a great job of taking a position of strength and letting him decide whether he wants to respect your rules -- and you and the family -- or not.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Albatross, post: 629721, member: 17720"] MOF, in my opinion from objectively reading your post, you were not out of line. I definitely think he was surprised by it. And I think that's great! In fact, you're kinda my new hero! My usual routine was to see my son doing the sorts of things your son did, calmly explain to him (an intelligent and savvy young adult) why it is wrong to use drugs in our home/total the car while driving impaired/leave spilled milk on his carpet for months/etc., get a bunch of BS excuses and promises with no change in behavior, write down rules, wait for him to break the rules at least 3 times, then kick him out. Remorse that seemed sincere, a move back home, rewind and start the cycle again, off and on for about 3 years, each time the behavior worse and me willing to tolerate more of his BS before I'd lower the boom again. And each time, do you know what he said? They know. We want to think it's all just a matter of misunderstanding our expectations, because that's easier for us to accept than the alternative, that they just don't care. He's 18. That's really young, but he's also employed so he CAN support himself. I think you've done a great job of taking a position of strength and letting him decide whether he wants to respect your rules -- and you and the family -- or not. [/QUOTE]
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