Did You Ever Dream........

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Hound dog, Sep 29, 2007.

  1. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    ....about how when all your kids turned 18 you'd have all this free time on your hands to do whatever you want, whenever you want??

    I don't know about anyone else, but there were plenty of days that this dream was all that got me thru. A glimmer of a light at the end of the tunnel.

    Okay. So??? All my kids are over 18.

    I'm waiting.

    I didn't have to wait long, cuz it hasn't happened. :rofl:


    On Mondays I drive Nichole to the college at 8am, watch the baby, pick her up again at 9:45am. Then at 1pm I drive Nichole back to the college, watch the baby, and pick her up at 3:30.

    I put my foot down, so b/f watches baby while Nichole is in school tues/thurs nights, and he does the transporting.

    I watch Darrin whenever easy child and her husband's schedules are outside the daycare loop. So can be any day, this week was 2 over nights and days.

    I also take Travis to and from work 3rd shift. This is 9:30pm - 6:00am 5 days a week.

    Nichole's had an onslaught of doctor appts lately, so toss those in there.

    Then there is the mother in law running to do, MY running to do, taking mother in law to doctor visits, getting run off my computer so Nichole can do homework, and maybe if the week is without incident.... I might be able to squeeze in some housework in the few hours a week that my house doesn't contain toddlers. :crazy2:

    Is it any wonder I've been staying up til 2-3am?? It's so I can finally sit in peace and quiet for a couple of hours til it all starts again. :scared: :faint:


    Maybe I should shoot for a new "magic age"?

    Now I gotta drag my fanny off to bed. You don't even want to know what my To Do list looks like for tomorrow...oops...today. lol
  2. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">about how when all your kids turned 18 you'd have all this free time on your hands to do whatever you want, whenever you want??

    Therein lies your problem, Lisa. You forgot to read the small print...

    ...they not only have to be over 18 but they have to live 65+ miles away.

    Trust me, it's WONDERFUL! :bravo: :dance: :smile:

  3. goldenguru

    goldenguru Active Member

    How come your kids don't drive themselves to their school, appointments, etc?

    Does the college offer daycare? Many do.

    When my daughter got married a few months back I told her that I would no longer be her PRIMARY daycare provider. That I wanted to be her grammie ... not her babysitter. My daughter talked to her bosses and they re-arranged her hours so that she works a few evenings and weekends. So, I keep the grand baby when its convenient and when I want to do so ... it really helps reduce the stress and resentment on our relationship.

    I always remind myself that "NO is not a four letter word".
  4. KFld

    KFld New Member

    I agree with gg, you shouldn't be doing all these things for everyone. I know it's very difficult to say no, but you can do it. How about public transportation for them getting back and forth to work. You shouldn't be running a taxi service around your life.

    I know with everything going on in my life with my h right now, I have gotten much better about what I need and learning to let others fend for themselves. I'm not doing it selfishly, but if it's something I really can't handle that someone is expecting from me, I tell them honestly I can't do it.

    My sister is a great example. Last week when my h and I had an appointment to see the lawyer in regards to a possible legal seperation, my sister in law who is an alcoholic kept falling off the wagon and expecting me to be there at the drop of a hat to pick her up and fix her. I know from my sons own addiction that I cannot do this for her and with what I was going through, I could not handle the stress of being expected to fix someone else when I couldn't fix myself. She started calling me almost everyday, admitting that she drank, her husband took her car keys and then just telling me she needed me to pick her up at such and such a time to take her to pay her mortgage, drop her off at work, pick her up at work, etc. I didn't do it. A few times I just didn't return her calls, or I explained to her that I love her, but I have so much going on my life right now to handle, that I couldn't possibly be responsible for anyone else right now. She understand and hasn't asked me since. Now she calls and asks how I'm doing.

    It's not an easy thing to do. I was never good at standing up for myself and my needs, but I'm getting better at it.

    Start thinking of what you need and then try and think of a plan that might help you get there. Even if it's little things to start with like helping Travis find other arrangements to work and back, even if it's just one way. Maybe he's not the best one to start with, but you get what I'm trying to say. Don't just get stuck in this and feel it's your life forever. Start thinking about how you can turn it around and have a life of your own that you deserve.
  5. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I drive Nichole because she's still in the process of learning to drive herself. There is no driver's ed here. She has no job due to school, so no money for daycare or transport. The college does offer daycare, but the child has to be at least 2 yrs old.

    I'm Travis' transport because he's blind and can't drive. We're in a small town and public transport consists of 1 taxi that you might be able to get if you're extremely lucky. Nor does it run on his working hours. IF husband goes back to 3rd shift, he'll be able to cover Travis' transport.

    I did, however inform Nichole that next quarter I will be there when she fills out her schedule. No more day AND night classes. Somehow we'll be filling out the schedule so we can BOTH be in classes full time. Now that ought to be interesting! :geek:

    As for easy child and her husband, easy child works full time 3rd shift as does her husband. Plus easy child goes to college full time during the day. They manage to cover each other with the care of Darrin most days by easy child trying to work only on her husband's days off. It usually works out that I've got him for 1 overnight a wk, and 1 day. This week her husband was called out of town. (he's an airline machanic) So I had to cover more.

    mother in law is 90 something and basically homebound. I'm in the process of lining up some help in this area, but still most of it will land on me. But I must say that the kids help. easy child helps me take her to doctor appoints. (it takes 2 ppl) And Nichole and Travis will help me with her groceries.

    I know it doesn't sound like it, but this is actually a drastic improvement. :rofl:

    Plus b/f's Dad has offered to help teach Nichole to drive so she can get in more driving time. Nichole gave me the gas card she won at the college for gas money, and has stepped up helping to clean around the house.

    Next quarter I'm taking my pre-recs for the RN program.....Chemistry and Anatomy and Pysiology, plus whatever else to keep it full time. Then I'm taking the entrance exam. Once I start that program, all 3 kids know that all Mom help stops dead. (except Travis transport) The program here at the college is one of the toughest in the state.

    The word No has become a favorite of mine. I couldn't imagine my schedule without it. This was just the best we could manage this quarter. Nichole is trying to get as much of her schooling out of the way before I enter the Nursing program as possible.

    Suz, I ought to get that 65+ miles away thing as soon as easy child starts her medication school. She's still dreaming of John's Hopkins. :smile:

    It's just that THIS is NOT what I imagined my life would be like once my kids were all 18+. So, yes, I think I neglected to read the fine print. :rofl:
  6. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member


    I so know what you mean. My kids that are hear dont drive either. Cory cant drive anymore do to his legal entanglements and Billy...well..he simply hasnt learned yet due to his anxiety level with the aspie issues. Maybe soon.

    My schedule has been taking both of them to school/work every morning by 8 am during the week. Picking Billy up at either 11 am or 1 depending on if it is a MWF or a TTH, then coming home and having to cart him back to work now that he has a job. Throw in my doctor appts, therapy, sometimes going and getting Cory at now and then from work, watching Keyana on Fridays definitely and maybe another day if she is sick, etc etc etc.

    There is no public transportation where I live. A taxi costs $20 a pop to come from town OUT to my house so it would be a $40 round trip, and like you, we have one taxi service so they can charge what they want.

    Even if we could teach Billy to drive, he has nothing to drive because Im not letting him get behind the wheel of my new car and there is no way he could handle a stick shift like husband's old car. His job at Radio Shack is very part time. 20 hours a week and minimum wage. Hopefully he can save up for a car and driving lessons soon though.

    So I feel your pain.
  7. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Know what I'm thinking...

    By the time our kids are 18, our eyesight is too poor to read the fine print...

    they getcha coming and going...
  8. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Hmmm, let's see. Yesterday I slept in, puttered around in my PJ's while reading the Sunday paper, took a spur of the moment Sunday drive to the North Georgia mountains with husband, had pizza delivered, and then watched Desperate Housewives and Brothers & Sisters without interruption.

    Yup, life is good when they are 18 and gone! :rofl:

    And I can still see (with my bifocal contacts, that is)!

  9. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Kathy I am sooooooooooo jealous!!!!!

    Wanna trade lives?? C'mon now, ya know you do. :hypnosis:
  10. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Not for all the money in the world!

    Sorry, Lisa. BTDTANGDIA (Translation: Been there done that and not gonna do it again).


  11. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member


    Dont gloat tooooo loudly. They do return sometimes and when they do, they tend to come back with more in tow! You do know that when one leaves, they bring back their spouse and kids right? Or just a kid or two?

  12. HereWeGoAgain

    HereWeGoAgain Grandpa

    Right when the kids were about ready to leave the nest, difficult child had her baby, who is now wife's and my second-time-around child. She is six. My 48th birthday was this past Friday. When she is 18 I'll be 60. wife's card to me said, "When it is finally just the two of us we won't know what to do with ourselves."

    With pushing difficult child out of the nest (again), progress is slow and painful but it is progress. For a while she was in a three-quarters house, riding the bus or paying friends for rides and eventually making a down payment on a car of her own. That was sooo nice while it lasted. But then difficult child imploded (again -- thus my user name). Eventually she checked herself into detox and then rehab, and we've been giving her a place to stay and transportation as long as she lives by the rules and makes progress. We got past "you have to get a job", "you have to start paying us rent", "no you can't 'borrow' $10". We are now working on "look up the schedule and ride the bus/train or find somebody else to drive": she is absolutely banned from driving our car, which meant in her mind that we owe her taxi service, but she has been taking more responsibility lately. It always comes down to us mustering the gumption to lay down the law, followed by tears and tantrums, followed by acceptance.

    So I still have hope of the mythical time of independence. Right about the time the kids have to ship me off to the nursing home, probably.

    difficult child does not help much with her child. Two and half years ago, when she was out on the street for an extended time, we went to court and were officially made guardians. The two of them have more of a big-sister/little-sister relationship than mother/daughter, despite the age difference, since difficult child's mental age is so much less than her chronological age. difficult child is just too wrapped up in herself to really connect to her daughter. She loves her, and will get down and play with her for 15 minutes, but quickly grows tired and irritable. We actually don't push difficult child to have a more involved/responsible role than she does, since our gr.daughter actually bonded with her gr.mother in the maternal role pretty much from birth.
  13. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">They do return sometimes and when they do, they tend to come back with more in tow! You do know that when one leaves, they bring back their spouse and kids right? Or just a kid or two? </div></div>

    Umm, Janet, that's what hotels are for, aren't they?

    We could always move and forget to leave the forwarding address. :rofl:

  14. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I dunno Kathy, my brother in law/sister in law tried to move to Virginia to get away from their grown kids..... The kids FOLLOWED them there. :rofl: And their spouses, and the grandkids.

    I do solomnly (sp) vow that once my house is free of children I will sell my house and buy one too darn SMALL for even house guests. :devil:

    Yep, I'm beginning to see Gramma's wisdom more and more as I grow older. :smile:
  15. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    My neighbor sold her house from under her 37 year old drunken son on the sofa and moved into a 2 bedroom senior citizen condo community. She was only 55 years old, the minimum age to live there. Son had to be removed from the premises three times in the next week, there to collect "his stuff". ie: garbage.

    She kept her job, got new furniture, and a new life. I don't know what happened to him, and no one misses him or his POS 'vintage' (rusty) Volkswagen van.
  16. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member

    I always said when the kids turned 18 I was gonna break their dinner plates and then when the last one turned 18 I was gonna buy a camper so that there would be no room...lol.

    Didnt work out that way..

    I look longingly when driving down the highway at little campers these days. I wonder what would happen if we just didnt come home one day...lol. Would they notice? How long would it take? I have a list of the monthly bills posted and what they normally are and when they are do...lmao. They could figure out which ones would go with us and which ones are household ones. Hee hee hee.