difficult child 1 abused brother's cell phone/internet access. AGAIN.

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by gcvmom, Jun 30, 2010.

  1. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Stupid me for forgetting to take back difficult child 2's phone that we loaned to difficult child 1 when we were at the park yesterday. He hasn't had the use of his own phone because he ran out of minutes and because he abused husband's cell/internet access two months in a row racking up several hundred dollars in charges, he's had his allowance garnished so he has no money to put minutes on his own phone, either.

    Well my forgetfulness resulted in difficult child 1 using difficult child 2's phone last night to access the internet to look at porn, racking up OVER $500 this time in data charges/overages.

    husband was able to get it reversed today, thankfully. He did not bother to inquire about May and April charges that we've already paid and I sense that he doesn't want to bother with it.

    He went ahead and added unlimited data to his phone and difficult child 2's phone. But we still need to put a security lock on those phones. Then he had the audacity to suggest we put difficult child 1's phone back on our plan, pay for it, and give him internet access. :surprise: He says, oh, it's normal for boys to seek out porn. Yeah, well it's NOT normal for boys, who have been told repeatedly to NOT do something that costs the family a lot of money, to continue doing it. Then again, he IS a difficult child and he DOES have major impulse control issues when the medications wear off.

    After husband heard my jaw drop and hit the floor, he suggested I go ahead and add the internet but ask AT&T to implement certain filters/blocks on what can be accessed by the boys (easy child does not have a phone). He feels difficult child 1 should have a phone since his social skills/life are so weak, and this is one tool to help him with that in terms of contacting friends.

    Needless to say, I phone the psychiatrist with an update. We simply MUST do something about the lack of impulse control in the evenings.

    Oh, and he wasn't even looking at "typical" porn sites... it was pokemonporn dot com. :confused: >5,000KB in data. :whiteflag:

    Today, difficult child 1 is detailing my car. At the rate he's going, it might be done by September. Either way, he's not doing anything "fun" until he finishes. And this afternoon we're going to my parents' house so he can shovel dirt into grandpa's new raised vegetable box. Grandpa's paying the kids, but guess who doesn't get to keep his money? :devil:
  2. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    The dots don't seem to be connecting. Maybe this is a brain wiring issue rather than a brain chemistry issue (in other words, something that medications can't fix). When was the last time difficult child 1 had a full neuropsychological evaluation?
  3. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    That's a lot of $ in one night! I'm glad you are making him work it off but I completely understand your frustration! Hugs.
  4. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    SW, he had one in Spring 2009. Nothing out of the ordinary came up, except some minor memory issues. Frankly, I don't put much stock in the evaluator who was very flakey with her follow up. Took me three months to get the final report from her.

    He admits after he's "caught" that he did something wrong. He says he just can't help himself. Then he starts with the verbal self-flagellation. "I'm an idiot." "I should just shoot myself." "I should just slit my own throat." "I don't know what I was thinking." "I'm sorry, Mom." Yada, yada, yada.
  5. DazedandConfused

    DazedandConfused Active Member


    500 bucks??

  6. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am TOTALLY creeped out by the thought of pokemon porn. I am SO glad I have not had to deal with THAT issue. I am sorry that difficult child 1 keeps trying to access porn. Your husband is right that most boys try to access porn at some point, but you are right that difficult child's actions are far beyond that. It is the extent of the lengths that he will go to get porn and the sheer quantity of porn that he binges on.

    Hopefully you will be able to tweak his medications enough to help him control this.
  7. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I agree you have to figure out how to set the boundaries on the phones but I also think you need to add the internet to all the phones to avoid these massive bills. If you can set parental controls on the internet on the phones, that would be ideal. Not sure how ATT does it but I can find out.

    I think you are fighting a losing battle with the porn completely though. Maybe buy him a magazine or two and throw them in his room. It would keep him off the computer! I wouldnt say that if he was young but he is fairly old here. Almost 16 right?
  8. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Yeah, Janet he turns 16 in September. But developmentally, I'd say he's closer to 11 sometimes. We did buy him a Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition. I think that's plenty.

    We did go ahead and added the data plan to husband's and difficult child 2's phones. And we added difficult child 1's phone to our plan, so now he gets to use it again -- his phone is not a smartphone and does not have internet.

    AT&T said there is no way to restrict what is accessed on the internet with the smartphones. So I need to figure out how to put a security lock on husband's and difficult child 2's phone. Already did it with mine.

    psychiatrist hasn't called back yet. Maybe tomorrow... I can always hope.
  9. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I thought almost all phones built in this century could access the internet somehow. Neither Tony's phone nor my phone are actual smart phones but we have access to the internet and tv and nascar and football. I have a few more features than he does. Personally, I wouldnt bother to look at the internet on the little screen he has. Its a tiny flip phone. My eyes are too bad for that...lol. Mine is a Samsung touchscreen about the same size as an Iphone.

    I would just make sure you can put access codes on all phones. Also, make sure difficult child 2 wont give him the access code.
  10. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    difficult child 1's phone is an older model GO phone, I think it's about 3yrs old, so that's why no internet. I'm working on figuring out the user manuals for the other phones! ;)
  11. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Almost all of them have a PIN lock feature. Be careful though - I've had to have Onyxx's reset by the company multiple times. It's annoying.

    ...Then again, she hasn't HAD one in over 6 months...