difficult child 1 and baby left boyfriend!

[jbrain]

Hi All,
just wanted to let you know that difficult child 1 and her baby, Liam, are in a women's shelter now. She called me Wed. afternoon (I had just returned home from having shoulder surgery so was kind of out if it) to tell me she had told him to leave. He had thrown a table at her while she was holding Liam. I told her to call her caseworker (she is in some kind of social services program) and tell her everything. Besides throwing the table she was afraid to go to work and leave the baby with him--he has a bad temper and she was afraid he would do something to hurt Liam. Also, he has been using the money she earns to buy things like x-boxes.

Okay, so we got off the phone and I didn't really know if she would follow up or just blow it off. Last night she called to say she had called her caseworker and the caseworker came and got her, Liam, and their things and got them moved into a women's shelter--he won't know where they are. She has a small apt. and is with other young women with children in similar situations. She says she is very relieved.

She said it was very hard to do it but she was too worried about Liam to stay with him. I told her Liam is probably the best thing that ever happened to her.

I know there is a chance she will go back to him, I know sometimes it takes many times to make the final break but I am so happy she has taken this first step. She would not have done it without her baby to consider.

I had sent her that psychopath checklist that Midwest Mom posted and she agreed that boyfriend fits every single criteria.

Okay, gotta go for now--I am still recovering from the surgery--went well but I am tired!

Jane

 

[bran155]

Good news. Good for her for taking that first step. A responsible decision on her part. Hopefully she stays away!!

I hope you are feeling better soon.

Hang in there.

 

[hearts and roses]

Wow, Jane this is a HUGE step for difficult child. I'm so relieved along side you!! I know what you mean about it sometimes taking many breaks before the final break, but I'm so glad she has taken this first step as well. Maybe Liam is her lucky charm.

Feel better~

 

[Jena]

It is huge step in the right direction. I'm sure you are relieved and hoping for continued strength on her part.

I hope you feel better soon as well.

 

[everywoman]

I'm glad she got out before she and the baby were hurt. I hope she takes this opportunity to get some counseling. Some women tend to think they can fix the guy if they just try hard enough. Hopefully Liam will be the catalyst she needs to make a better life for the both of them.

 

[Big Bad Kitty]

Oh I will pray hard for her that she stays strong and does not go back to him.

 

[goldenguru]

Any word from her yet??

 

[jbrain]

Hi,
thanks for the replies. No, I haven't heard any more from her but she will probably call this weekend or I will call her if I don't hear by tomorrow night. I am hoping with the support of the other young women and counselors she will not begin to feel sorry for him and go back. She has told me several times that people have complimented her on how she cares for the baby--her patience and calmness--I think she can be strong with the help of others and with the sense of competence she seems to feel with Liam. I think it is good I am not there--I think she would tend to lean on me too much or I would try to run things. She needs most of all to see she can do this on her own. My support from a distance is probably helpful but we tend to get too enmeshed when we are together.

I'll let you know what happens!

Jane

 

[1905]

I'm hoping her precious Liam will prevent her from ever going back. It seems like she will protect him at all costs. I'm glad she's getting support.-Alyssa

 

[Suz]

Jane, I think YOUR behavior during this is remarkable. You are demonstrating detachment, with love. You are supporting her, while allowing her to find her own way.You are modeling how to balance love, support, and strength- no small feat. Your difficult child will be a better mother because of the kind of mothering she has had. Good for you.

Hugs,
Suz

 

[katya02]

I'm so glad she took steps to get out of that situation. Usually women's shelters do offer counseling so I hope she'll benefit from that. It really helps to learn about cycles of abuse so she can spot the predictable 'honeymoon' behaviors, the increasing tension, etc. Retrospectively, I mean ... hopefully she'll gain the strength not to go back.

I hope you're starting to feel better after your surgery. Quick recovery!

 

[trinityroyal]

Wow, Jane. I am so glad to hear that difficult child got out of that situation. Perhaps motherhood will be her turning point. It took great strength for her to do that. Makes this board Auntie very proud.

I too hope that the support she gets from other women at the shelter keeps her from going back to the boyfriend.

And Jane, kudos to you for striking the right balance between detachment and support.

Saying prayers and sending hugs to all of you.

Trinity