difficult child 1 being harrassed at school...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by gcvmom, Sep 17, 2008.

  1. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    in his computer class by the kid that sits next to him. He mentioned to me a week ago or so that this kid takes pleasure in reaching over and typing garbage on difficult child 1's keyboard WHILE he's trying to work. He also verbally harrasses him, and if difficult child 1 leaves his seat, the kid will either mess up whatever is on his screen or delete the file entirely.

    At first, I told difficult child 1 to talk to the teacher and try to get it resolved. He says he has, on several occasions, but nothing happens.

    When he told me it's still happening today, I fired off a very direct and insistent email to the teacher and copied the school counselor, stating that the situation was clearly intolerable and must be addressed immediately. I also asked her to move difficult child 1 as far as possible from the other kid's seat.

    Can't believe this is the start of the 3rd week of classes and this kind of crap is still going on. difficult child 1 also has IBS (on top of his Crohn's) and I made sure the teacher understood that this is creating an unreasonable amount of stress for difficult child 1 and that it can affect his health.

    No word yet back from anyone, but their day is not over yet (I happened to pick difficult child 1 up early because he wasn't feeling well and ended up taking him to lunch, then back to school).

    Just once, I'd like to get through a day without having to stress over somebody's issues. STAR, WHERE IS MY EASY BUTTON??!!!
  2. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am sorry. I hate it whne kids bully each other.
  3. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    The teacher emailed back. Said he had only just talked to her about it today and that she'd kept an eye on the other boy, but didn't see any further trouble. Said she wasn't aware that it had been an on-going problem, but that she would separate them.

    I apologized for the misunderstanding -- admittedly, I probably should have just called her and taken a softer approach, but because I'd been hearing about this for almost two weeks now, I was furious. I'll be sure to grovel appropriately at back-to-school night next week :D
  4. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Momma bear strikes again! I am sure the teacher will understand.

    I hope the teacher does see what is going on. I am sure the little bully will find a new victim of who ever is sitting next to him. She should put the meanest girl in the room next to him. The girl would put a stop to it.
  5. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    "I'll be sure to grovel appropriately at back-to-school night next week"

    Don't grovel. You've apologise already. And it IS possible that difficult child did tell her already, several weeks ago. Maybe he told a different teacher, or he told this one and she just didn't register. he may have just said, "Miss... so-and-so is reaching over and typing on my keyboard again!" and she may have just said, "so-and-so, cut it out," without even turning around.
    That sort of by-play can happen so often, so easily, that a teacher may not realise how bad a problem is. The student also may feel unheard if it IS a big problem. A student with a big problem can very easily sound alike a student with a small problem.

    I'd be believing your son. I'd also be believing the teacher. Which tells me - the teacher just didn't realise, the first time, that this is an ongoing problem. The teacher NOW may not remember being told before, or may be covering her rear. Whichever it is, doesn't matter now. what matters now is your email left a paper trail, so she HAD to acknowledge that now she knows.

    If you son complained next month and you sent an email, and the teracher said, "I didn't realise until now that this is going on, I will speak to te boy and move tem," THEN you could get angry because YOU have acopy of the email already sent to notify her.

    A friend of mine had a number of big problems with her daughter's teacher. She complained to the principal who said to her, "Nobody else has complained about this teacher. It must have just been an isolated incident."
    The mother later found a number of other parents HAD complained to the principal. However, none of them (including my friend) had complained in writing, therefore he was able to claim, "Nobody has told me about this," and get away with it.
    That principal survived until retirement with the phrase, "Nobody has told me about this before now. I will look into it, but it sounds like an isolated incident."

    It sounds to me that this bully is either bored, or not coping with the work. By erasing someone else's work, he is making sure he isn't the only one to turn in substandard work.
    Maybe another strategy could be to suggest to your son that he offer to help the other boy? To teach him how to do it?

    It's just a thought, but it is another way to head bullies off. Of course your son owes this other boy nothing. But it would be the heroic, grand gesture to at least offer. As long as he can keep his own work safe in the process. And for the bully - it's a lot harder to be mean to someone who is being kind to you.

  6. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Ahhh, Marg! Your pearls never cease to amaze me! :D I agree that the paper trail is an essential tool. In my timidity of early parenthood, there were times when I should have spoken up but didn't for fear of being a whiner. And consequently, problems continued or were inherited by other families (I'm talking school issues). I've gradually amassed this collection of warrior armor that is beginning to feel more comfortable as the years go by! I didn't really mean grovel in the true sense of the word. I guess I was thinking more of just cheerfully introducing myself and thanking her again for her support (I know that's not grovelling, but at the time I wrote it, I was feeling mighty ornery and sarcastic) and letting her know I'm an involved parent but not out to wage war on anyone, just wanting to stand up for my kid when things get out of balance.

    How's that for a long-winded "I get it"?

  7. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    You might talk to difficult child to let him know that he should be certain that the teacher understands what he is saying, and that you will help him out if need be. That way you're not accusing difficult child of not talking to the teacher, when maybe he did so timidly, or like Marg said, maybe with school just starting the teacher didn't register what he was saying...

    I hope that this will put an end to it. Poor guy!
  8. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    The chat I had with him today was more along the lines of making sure that what he's telling me is accurate so that I don't go to the teacher misinformed, which makes everyone look bad. He does tend to approach problems like this hesitantly -- so I wouldn't be surprised if the teacher wasn't too concerned with what he was saying.

    I'm sure moving the two boys will solve the problem.
  9. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    It does sound to me, then, that while he told the teacher it was in such a way that she didn't see how bad it was for him. Maybe share this with her? Because then in future, she will be more aware of his hesitancy and realise he's not the sort of kid who loudly complains at the slightest little thing.

    Mind you, a kid with IBS is quite likely to be a quiet sort who doesn't complain unless it's REALLY bad.

    When you live with pain, you tolerate a great deal in your life.

  10. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    You are right about him, Marg. And he probably has IBS because he internalizes so much to begin with.

    Anyway, I'm feeling good about how things went and hopefully will have a nice quick chat with her next week at back-to-school night.