difficult child 1 has joined the Navy!

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by janebrain, Jun 16, 2010.

  1. janebrain

    janebrain New Member

    Hi All,
    I just found out last night that E, difficult child 1, has joined the Navy. I actually think this is a good move for her. She went to the base in Illinois where they do basic training and spent 7 days there in the recruiting process. I asked why she didn't just go to a local recruiter in the Seattle area and she said she wanted to go see it for herself and also felt she had to get out of Seattle for a "minute" because she was afraid she was going to do something "stupid."

    She was scared to death to tell me--thought I would be mad, so she made up some nutty story (she needed money for a car repair to get back to Seattle) that actually did make me mad. I told her I think this actually sounds like it could be a good decision. She says that she feels soulless from the stripping and knows it is a deadend. She barely can make enough money to pay rent, is tired of struggling all the time, plus wants me and husband to feel proud of her. Also, she wants her son to have a mom with a stable job, home, etc.

    So, she goes back to Illinois on August 10th and starts basic training on Aug. 17th. She said she got a 95 on the aptitude test so she was proud of that. Also, she is in really good physical shape from her job (lots of work on the pole). She seems to know that basic training will be really tough. I said, "well, you'll probably bond with some of the other women" and she said she is supposed to think of them as a team. If one screws up they all pay the price. That is just how it was at her Residential Treatment Center (RTC). If one girl on the team there screwed up all the girls were punished. So, she is used to that kind of thing.

    Also, she did really well with the structure at both of her rtcs so I think she will like the structure. She said she needs structure so she doesn't go do something stupid.

    Anyway, there's lots more I could tell you but I'll stop there. I hope she makes it through basic training. I think she will--she's a pretty tough girl. I hope we can go see her at her graduation.

  2. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    Sounds like a good first step.
  3. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Wow! You could knock me down with a feather! What about Liam? I hope this means that she has dumped Liam's dad? Sorry, I'm probably not entirely up to date on this...
  4. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    I was wondering about Liam, too. I hope that safe and happy accommodations are being made for him.

    That said, I think this is a mature decision and I'm delighted to read it. The military will give her the opportunity to learn a skill that will hopefully send her future into a productive and different direction for the rest of her life. Jane, I am so hoping this will work for her longterm.

    Big hugs,
  5. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    THAT IS .......THAT IS ......WOW!!!!!! I am just beaming from ear to ear.

    WHAT AN AMAZING EPIPHANY and REVELATION - for such a young girl, mother and now Swab....lol.

    I am so proud of her -

    Hugs for your good news.
  6. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Other than lying about it to begin with, it sounds like a very well thought out decision. If she can handle the structure there are a lot of opportunities in the military. I imagine she was afraid you would object because the wars. The military will probably work the lying habit out of her, which would probably be a good thing.

    Where is Liam going to be while she is in Boot Camp and later if she is deployed? Hopefully she has a safe place for him where he will get the security he needs. Given the way many of our kids do pretty well in the rtcs and hospitals, it seems that the structure of the military would be a good fit. Especially if they are motivated to provide a better life for themselves and their kids.

    Is there a chance she thought of this because she realized that before long Liam will be telling his friends what his Mommy does for a living? It would be really hard for most kids to tell their friends and teachers that Mommy is a dancer.

    I really hope and pray this is exactly what she needs to give herself a future and stability and to improve her self worth. Will keep her in my prayers!
  7. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Jane, wow! This sounds like a great way to get her life on track and realize her own strength. Scoring a 95 on the aptitude test must have made her feel great too!

    I too was wondering about Liam - where will he go?

    Yeah - celebratory hugs!

    ps: H and I have always thought that our difficult child (much like yours) would do well in the military. She needs her rear end kicked into gear. Lol
  8. janebrain

    janebrain New Member

    Thanks for the good wishes. Liam will be taken care of by the Navy while E is in boot camp. She will only get to see him once, in the middle of the 8 weeks, so that will be hard for her. She says biodad is in Georgia and they communicate now and then on a cordial basis.

    She said the Navy will "whip her a** into shape". She's actually excited about the challenges. I think she can get through boot camp because what choice does she have, really? If she doesn't make it, then what? I think she will enjoy the community and support and structure. She really thrives on those things--I think she felt lost when she left her first Residential Treatment Center (RTC). She had gotten close to the other girls and her therapist and she really missed the place (even though it was a lockdown facility).

    I'll keep you up to date--I am sure I will be on pins and needles while she is in boot camp, hoping she can handle it. I would be terrified--she told me some of the things she will have to do and I know I couldn't do them! She says she is an "adrenalin junkie" so she will be sure to get her "fix".

  9. Nomad

    Nomad Guest

    Sounds positive.
    Sending good thoughts.
    Wishing her and you well! :D
  10. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    This sounds like amazing news!!!! Proof that they actually do grow up!! :D Congratulations!!!
  11. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Jane...I think this is excellent news! I am really convinced lots of our kids should go from high school into at least 2 years into the military and serve in some fashion.

    I am surprised about the Navy keeping Liam. That must have changed since the war starting. It used to be that the parent had to arrange their own care for a child. My niece was in the army and had a baby and had to arrange for her mom to have temp custody whenever she was out of town.

    Oh...there is a Navy moms board to help you through this. Google Navy Moms. I used to have it but since I stopped going to Marinemoms I lost it.
  12. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Sounds like a positive career move for her, Jane. Glad the Navy has provisions for taking care of Liam...that makes sense, considering the number of single parents that might not consider the military since they don't have child care.
  13. Congratulations! Navy sounds like a good choice!!!

    Rumor has it that one of our estranged difficult child's has joined the Air Force.

    I'm grateful to those who serve our beautiful nation...

    Annnnd I've seen a lot of "kids" go into basic training and come out with a much clearer understanding of what responsible adult life is.
  14. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    TALADN - The Navy thing looks pretty iffy at this point.
  15. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member


    I think this is a very positive step!!! I'm keeping your difficult child in my thoughts and hoping this is just what she needs to turn her life around! SFR