difficult child#1 "kinda" Plans to Move Out

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by DDD, Dec 22, 2011.

  1. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    The subject has come up before and I knew he was thinking about it...no big shock. At five this AM he woke me up "to talk". Why can't this guy talk during the day when he's sober?? LOL Anyway he has a friend who has a two bedroom apartment on the back of his parents lot. It's located a few blocks from a questionable neighborhood where difficult child once spent alot of time...doing questionable things, of course.Somberly he told me "I think it's time to see if I can live away from home because I'm not growing here."

    True! Then he adds that his new girlfriend (30 something with past) may move in with him. Whew...that means he will have money and not be able to play the field. I think he was surprised when I said "I think January is a great time to start off with a fresh slate."

    Who knows what will happen but I've mastered detachment enough to go with the plan. I'll hope and pray that IF he does this he will continue to stay out of trouble and flourish. husband and I love this kid to death but will adapt to the empty nest easier than he will adapt to independent living. Had to laugh when I headed back to bed he said "you know I love you to death" and then added "do you realize that January is next week?". I replied "yep". What a life. DDD
  2. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I love your response DDD. Who knows maybe he needs this to really mature. I think your MA in Detachment is awesome, let the plan develop. He sure knows you and husband love him and he loves you back, that's huge.

    Keeping my fingers crossed that come mid January you have peace in your home and heart and he finds peace in his life.

  3. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    From his response I wonder if maybe he didnt expect you to argue with him and beg him to stay because you didnt think you could live without him...lol.
  4. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Could be, Janet. on the other hand I think he wanted to make sure that I knew his feelings hadn't changed about us but he hopes to become more independent. Believe me, lol, IF he moves we'll all miss each other. He brings alot of love and laughter to our household. Until he stops drinking, however, he has also brought a heck of alot of pain and stress. If his proposed move was to a safer part of town living with a easy child with-o issues..I'd be celebrating the step forward. Time will tell. DDD
  5. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    An empty nest is a wonderful thing.:abouttime:

    Welcome to the club.

  6. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    It hasn't happened yet, Kathy. Part of his frontal lobe damage includes "extreme difficulty making and acting on decisions". Sigh! But, lol, I won't be holding him back! DDD
  7. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    Hi there DDD,

    Sure sounds to me like easy child/difficult child has probably looked around and seen his other friends starting their adult life...and now he is likely expecting it from himself.

    Love that you were not afraid to look this "plan" in the eyes and not flinch. I'll bet he was surprised!
    easy child/difficult child "reminds" me of my oldest in that he was waiting to see your reaction.

    I know you adore your easy child/difficult child and he you...No doubt he will still spend a great deal of time with you no matter where he lives as you and husband provide so much love and real security to his life.

  8. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Believe me, lol, I am not concerned about him losing touch with us. He has not been capable of making any big decisions since the Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI), sigh. on the other hand he knows he can't stay in neutral forever. The pending appeal of his disability claim is a factor. The attorneys and his GFGmom encourage him to believe he will prevail and get a huge retroactive check. I don't think so. Once that is resolved he may may be more willing to work and become self sufficient. Meanwhile....January sounds good to me, lol. DDD
  9. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    That's so funny! I'll bet he did expect more of a protest from you...

    Hoping the new year brings him a positive start!
  10. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    honestly I hope he goes out and does well. I know he will always be close. Sort of like Cory and us. I dont think Cory would ever be far from us. Its like the chord has never been fully cut. LOL. Not that it is exactly that way with you! But sometimes they just need that feeling of knowing someone is there to support them.
  11. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    DDD I hope you do get to experience an empty nest as least for a little while. You and your husband deserve that. I also wish it could be withour worry but you know? That never happens with a difficult child in the mix. So enjoy it when you can and if/When he comes back to your home ou will be refreshed and have a new perspective. My son just returned to our house after almost 3 ywars on his own. Life got overwhelming he got sick and now he is here.

    The future is aways uncertain but we parents of difficult child's have alot of training on living one day at a time.