difficult child 2 ripped a classmate's jacket

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by gcvmom, Feb 14, 2009.

  1. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    When I picked up difficult child 2 yesterday, he informed me that he got in trouble for ripping a classmate's jacket. Apparently difficult child 2 was chewing gum at recess (a no-no) and the classmate said he was going to tell on difficult child 2, so difficult child 2 grabbed the hood of the boy's jacket and it ripped.

    Then, when the boy was relaying the gum and jacket info to the teacher, he also said the difficult child 2 hit him in the head with a dodgeball. difficult child 2 said that the ball incident happened a while ago.

    The teacher told difficult child 2 he would be talking to the vice principal about the issue. So we'll see if he gets a citation for it or not.

    difficult child 2 was trying to shift the blame over to the other kid, who is very annoying to him (and I suspect he's an undx'd Aspie... very poor eye contact, flat affect, singular and obsessive interests, socially awkward, doesn't play by the rules, very bright). But I wouldn't let him. And I pointed out that difficult child 2 is often very annoying to others as well (kettle calling the pot black). I spent several minutes trying to get difficult child 2 to understand how he made the other boy feel and acknowledge that what he did was wrong, despite his negative feelings about the boy. He can be really rigid sometimes in his thinking. Eventually he conceded, but was getting upset. It's like he was wanting to avoid having to feel guilty for his behavior because it was too painful/uncomfortable. I didn't yell, and remained calm but firm -- he said he didn't want me to yell at him (that could also be why he didn't want to accept responsibility).

    When we got home, I made him call the boy to apologize and to offer to have the jacket repaired. After rehearsing what to say about a 1/2 dozen times, he made the call and left a message on their machine. The dad called back while I was gone at the sleep study last night. He asked for ME to call back (I don't really know them) and that feels weird. Why don't they ever ask the DAD to call back? Anyway, I'll be phoning them back later this morning.

    Sigh. Not going to be a fun weekend.
  2. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    Try not to be defensive when you call back (do you really want husband to call?LOL!). Hopefully the family understands that they too have a difficult child on their hands and will appreciate that your family is holding difficult child 2 accountable.
  3. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Oh, I know I need to detach from all this. On the outside I think I'm doing pretty well. It's just hard to shake the feelings of dread and "here we go again" when situations like this come up, Know what I mean??

    The lack of sleep from last night probably isn't helping my nerve... ;)
  4. ML

    ML Guest

    My feeling is that the conversation will go well because they obviously have a difficult child and should be undertanding! Let us know how it goes. ML
  5. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Do they know they have a difficult child?
    I hope so!
    I guess all you can do at this point is take a deep breath and make the call.
    And take a nap today. :)
  6. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    I hope the call went well. I had to chuckle - the other boy being probably Aspie, if he's anything like difficult child 3 then his insistence on rules being followed, it's like having one of those nagging conscience things (angel on the shoulder) all the time, and you can really get cranky with it sometimes.

    difficult child 3 had problems at school study days because he's lie this over the rules (like the other boy) and other kids who were from the behaviour school (ie day-only Residential Treatment Center (RTC)-type of placement) were NOT taking it too well, being told that they were breaking the rules! But one boy who was touchier than most - his mother explained to him about difficult child 3 simply not knowing how to interact, and how rules were something he had to cling to like a security blanket because rules were something you could always rely on.
    Since then the boys have been firm friends.

    Sometimes it just takes a combination of commuication and understanding.

    Fingers crossed for you.

  7. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Let us know how the call goes this morning. I think it's odd that the father called and wanted to talk. Sounds like you did the right thing by having difficult child call. I would have thought it was over at that point......

  8. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Well, I called but the mom answered and did not seem to know much about the situation. There was a strange hesitancy about her voice. Lots of very awkward pauses when it was her turn to speak. I explained that difficult child 2 wanted to arrange for the jacket's repair and they could let us know when that would be convenient. She said she'd let her husband know. Then he calls back again while I was out doing yardwork, and leaves a message that he already took the jacket to a tailor and that he'd give us the receipt. And that's totally fine with me. But he also said he wanted to talk to me about some issues that have been going on between difficult child 2 and his son.

    So I've decided to call him back on Monday. I don't care to ruin my weekend with this kind of "chat" :p Anyway, I doubt they are aware that their son has some annoying habits that have driven difficult child 2 nuts since these boys were on a soccer team together nearly 5 years ago. He's a bright kid, and they actually transferred him to the GATE magnet school 2 years ago, but they moved him back because he wasn't making any friends (at least that's what the boy told me last year).
  9. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm glad you're waiting until tomorrow to call back. I hope the conversation goes well. Hugs.
  10. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Okay, well I still haven't gotten up the gumption to call the dad back yet. I know, I'm avoiding anticipated conflict which probably is just in my head.

    But want to hear a really funny development?

    difficult child 2 and the boy in question got called into the VP's office at lunch today to hash out what happened. They both essentially told the same story, and neither one is in trouble but the VP got them to agree to stop bugging eachother and to be nice.

    So today when I collected difficult child 2 we were talking about a different kid in his class and I asked if he wanted to invite him over one day. To which he replied that he was actually thinking about the OTHER boy -- the one whose jacket he ripped!!! I was incredulous because last week he was so annoyed and irritated with this boy and now he's taken a one-eighty in his attitude. He told me he thought I was right about what I'd said regarding he and this boy having things in common (trouble making friends, people not understanding them, etc.). And he said, "Besides, he says he likes cats." Oh, I see. That makes ALL the difference! :rofl:

    So won't this dad be surprised when I call to suggest his son come over to our house for a play date?!

    Life never ceases to amaze me....:slap:
  11. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

  12. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member


    Well, good luck with-the dad. Sounds like you're going to have to be very diplomatic.
  13. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    I know this sounds strange, but difficult child 2 is so all-over-the-place today that I don't know if I can trust what comes out of his mouth. Does that make sense? He's hyperactive this afternoon/evening. I had to redirected him MANY times to sit down to do his homework, although he is getting it done now and he seems to be very focused. I just don't know what to think!
  14. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    If it were difficult child 3, I'd be checking to see if he had his medications. Then I'd be checking to see if he got any caffeine anywhere (such as cola, or full-leaded coffee). Unless he and his new buddy were having a lot of fun today and he's on a hyper high?

  15. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Marg, he had his afternoon medications... please see my other post questioning whether this is hypomania because of stimulant he had the day before...

  16. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    Omg he likes cats!!!!!!! Roflmao