difficult child and depression. I hope this is a breakthrough.

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by dashcat, Jun 18, 2012.

  1. dashcat

    dashcat Member

    After I posted about a week ago about my difficult child seeming ok (and my thinking that her dark postings on Tumblr were attention-seeking), I noticed a familiar pattern of depresson returning: sleeping all the time, lethargy, lack of focus ... and, of course, the occasional bouts of "over-happy".

    She was supposed to work Sat night at 6:00. I was at a family graduation party and came home around 9:00. She came walking in the door right after, claiming they didn't need her at work (praying this is true and not that she called in or lost her job). After a few minutes, she started to talk and the flood gates openend.

    She admitted to being depressed and distraught. She said her "brother" (translation: Mr. Ostrich's girlfriend's son .. he's an alcoholic pot-head who perhaps means well, but not exactly who she should be turning to) invited her to get high, telling her she'd feel way better. She said she told him no ... she knew she'd feel better for about an hour and then worse.

    She said she feels helpless to pull out of it this time. In the past she thinks she's pull out and gotten better .. I pointed out that she really hasn't. The episodes get worse each time. She admitted this was true. She said she's "thought" of suicide, but only thought about it. It's huge that she even said this to me, and I calmly told her that these thoughts needed to be dealt with by a professional.

    She said she thinks she needs medications but is hesitant to take them. Typical, I know. She told me she didn't think she'd actuall call and make the appointment, but she wants to go. I told her I'd call. Called the t-doctor this morning and left a message. It's a step. I'm pretty sure she'll have her to p-doctor right away.

    I don't know if she'll follow through. I don't know if Saturday was a low point and if she might be back in the pretending mode today. I just pray that she'll be honest and that we might be on our way to a diagnosis. It's been a long time coming.

  2. tryagain

    tryagain Active Member

    ((Hugs)) to you, Dashcat. I soooo understand. I have been through this several times with my son and it is so hard. You have so little control, but you can support. My son is finally on medications that appear to work-knock on wood. But he's had to try so many. Finally I am seeing the delightful son that I know is in there. I am scared to even type this for fear of jinxing things. You are doing all you can do. Never give up. Always try again (my CD name :)
  3. tryagain

    tryagain Active Member

    P.S. I am a noob. Please tell me why my signature (mini bio) is not showing up. I'm sure it is something simple I need to do...
  4. dashcat

    dashcat Member

    There's a checkbox for "show signature" under Profile/Settings. Make sure it is checked. I thought it might be by default, so if that doesn't work, contact a mod. Thanks for your support.

    therapist called back and set appointment for 2:00 on Weds. difficult child asked me if was possible to make it sooner. I told her I'd try and asked if she felt it was an emrgency (therapist would see her tonight after hours if it was - or talk to her on the phone or both). She said "I't's not an emergency, but it is urgent". Scares me. Called therapist who changed the appointment to 9:00 a.m. tomrrow. difficult child was very relieved.

    Not sure what to think. I've wished and prayed she'd seek a diagnosis for so long, and now I'm afraid to get my hopes up that she will A. Seek the diagnosis and B. Actually go through with recommended treatment. I'm also just plain worried about how scary this must be for her right now.

    Last edited: Jun 18, 2012
  5. Calamity Jane

    Calamity Jane Well-Known Member

    She's willing to see the doctor tom'w, so that's very encouraging. One step at a time, Dash, just continue to be encouraging and calm, even though you're going bonkers inside. You're doing great. Good luck.
  6. Tiapet

    Tiapet Old Hand

    Dash I think you're doing a great job! I think it's even better that your daughter wants this help and knew that she needed it and is willing to follow through. I hope that it continues and that she, and you, have a smooth road a head of you!
  7. tryagain

    tryagain Active Member

    Dash, please let us know how the psychiatrist visit goes.
  8. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm sorry I missed this dash. How did the appointment go? The fact that she recognized the dark place she was in and reached out for help is huge.

  9. dashcat

    dashcat Member


    She came home exhausted, which is actually a good sign. I was thinking she might go in and just make light of everything, but the way she came home tells me that isn't the case. She went up to her room and slept for three hours. Last night, she was sleeping when I went up at 11 and had also slept during the afternoon.

    I'm having a hard time knowing how to handle her depressive state. It's baffling and it's different than she's been in the past. I don't want to walk on eggshells (but I am, becasue it's the only way I know how to cope right now), I don't want to butt heads with her or make things worse ... but the eggshell thing doesn't feel right either.

    Two examples: We were riding in the car earlier. She has this insaenly annoying habit of putting a CD in, then cycling through it - singing along but almost never listening to an entire song. Usually, I just ignore it, but at one point I said "I really wanted to hear the rest of that song, please go back". She said "I can't listen to it. I literally cannot" and she was crying. Two seconds before she was happily belting it out. It was Fireflies by Faith Hill, so it's notlike it was a torch song or something. I let it go.

    She just walked in with her boyfriend. She picked him up (gone all of 10 minutes) to watch a movie. She walked into my office, crying. She said "I was fine, and then I just flipped a switch". "I don't want to feel this way anymore."" I got up and gave her a hug and said "you've taken the first step. It takes time." Then she wnet into the kitchen and made herself a sandwich ... never offered one to J ... and is now laughing in the basement watching the movie.

    I feel - at times - as if I've landed on another planet.


    And I am glad VERY VERY glad that she's talking about it. I am thrilled she is going to counseling (appointment for next week already made). This is a good thing, I know ... but I still don't know how to cope.
    Last edited: Jun 19, 2012
  10. keista

    keista New Member

    She resembles me right now. Seriously. All I can tell you is to go about your usual business. If she tells you she can't finish the song (or whatever the next situation is) just let it be. At the same time let her know that it's a habit of hers that annoys you and if YOU snap, she should grant you the same courtesy of some leeway, but you will try not to snap now. Periodically ask her if there's anything you can do to help, and let her know that you will be asking her periodically especially if she hasn't shared anything with you in a while.

    And you know what? I only imagine that this is good advice, because NO ONE has ever handled my depressed states well. I've always carried them alone.
  11. dashcat

    dashcat Member

    It is good advice, Kiesta. I'm just sorry you've struggled like this ... and so much alone. I imaigne my difficult child feels alone, too. How could she not? I know I can't fix things for her, I'm just trying to find that place where I can show support and help her to feel safe. Once I saw the tears, I did let the song thing go .. in fact, I usually do ignore that, irritating though it is. Still, that was a baffling moment. Singing and happy ... benign harmless tune, then crying and unable to hear another note..

    But what I'm struggling with isn't the individual incidents, but more the THWANG! WHAPP! force that takes her from happy to crying in 30 seconds flat. When that is happening, I feel helpless and scared for her. What does this feel like to her? It must be horrible, and I can ill-afford to let her see me react to it. At least at this stage of her complete confusion, she doesn't need my reactions in the mix.

    She took J home,said they liked the movie and headed up to bed. Should I just let her sleep as much as she seems to need to? It seems like I should..unless she has to work. She's never - in her life - slept like this.
  12. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    That much sleep is part of the depression. And it's a fine line... She needs more than usual, but not random or around-the-clock sleep. More than ever, she needs some semblance of order. She needs to get up for breakfast at a reasonable hour (i.e. long enough before lunch for it to be breakfast). She needs some activities, somehow. Work is one of those.

    Too much sleep compounds the depression. It's a catch-22!
  13. dashcat

    dashcat Member

    Thanks, insane. This might explain how her past episodes might have seemed to be less severe. During he period sh was living with me, she was either in high school or on summer break. When on break, she either worked, or did a fair amount of chores around here - or both.

    I am afraid it is possible she lost her job. She was supposedly sent home Satruday fromthe 6-11 shift becasue they were slow. She had Sunday, Monday and Tuesday off (unusual) and says she's working tonight. When she lost her reail job and was living iwth Ostrich, she didn't come clean for a week. Even "went to work" if it wasa night shift and he was home. Harder to do here because i work from home. If she lost her job, this will be weven more difficult.

    Thanks for the advice. I need every bit I can get. I'm a little more used to the manic phases than this.