difficult child and her birthday

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Jena, Mar 1, 2011.

  1. Jena

    Jena New Member

    so it was difficult child's birthday yesterday. yup she's 12 now. night before she wasn't able to sleep, she got very revved up about it. as she does each year

    the day of she was aggitated, anxious, on top of me most of the day. husband and i did take her to breakfast together. than i had to go home and begin cooking for my family to come.

    she asked at least 100 x when are they coming. they were supposed to go on road by 2, so she sat near window waiting to see their car. yes cute. yet in between hassled us for her gift. so she got her gift before it even got wrapped just to get her off us.

    than they were late hit traffic and she couldnt' cope with that. this went on all day long. they showed up she didnt' know how to act, as usual. kept clinging to me.

    my parents sat talking to my other kids, step kids. she didn't like that at all. my yes wonderful mom and my stepfather who i adore pulled me out side and said to me listen we didnt' want to say anything yet you look horrible. you dont' look like you at all. you always manage to look well thru all this.

    they said we know you have marriage issues work on them! yet difficult child is eating you alive. you have no outlets you have to make some changes and quick. she's way too much, just look in the mirror.

    so she difficult child continued to be her irritating self throughout the night. pulling me aside or trying to thru course of night to tell me she was upset. she said no one's talking to me, why'd they come here? their talking to everyone else. i tried to explain what family things are like. she's been thru them before.

    yet seems liike older she gets her perceptions are becoming more challenging instead of easier. hearing my parents say that about me kinda freaked me out. they never pull me aside trust me NEVER.

    i told them hey it's two hospitalizations, etc. a marriage in trouble easy child. what do you expect? they said oh no you look horrible though drawn, tired beat up.

    my answer to them she's my kid what am i supposed to do? and what am i supposed to do? seriously......
  2. crazym&p

    crazym&p New Member

    I feel you. My mom had the same talk with me yesterday after we spent the weekend with them out of town. She said she hadn't realized how bad things were until she saw me and my husband enjoy ourselves for the first time in a long time. She is really worried about my health, which is touching. But seriously, what are we supposed to do? I don't have any advice, I just know exactly where you're coming from. (((Hugs)))
  3. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    If they're pulling you aside, and they never do, LISTEN TO THEM.

    At the end of my first marriage - I moved 800 miles away with XH - and in 2 months lost 50 lbs. I came home 3 months after that and everyone was appalled and scared, I see the few pictures now and am absolutely appalled. I looked horrible. Like skin on a skeleton. HUGE dark circles under my eyes. I don't know how I ever got a job during that time.

    I know difficult child and easy child and husband are demanding - and I know husband's XW is a witch - but you can bet your step kids are reporting back to her how awful you look. Even if they don't want to. Just trust me here. If you don't take care of yourself, how can you take care of anyone else?

    Seriously, sweetheart - you HAVE to do something for yourself.

  4. Jena

    Jena New Member

    thanks guys. so what did you guys do to pull yourselves out? right now until i get a reprieve or bodies in my home i am in total lockdown with-her. soooo i contacted via email last night the in home crisis team i'm waiting on. i'm hoping once they come in i'll be saved. their awesome. adn it's just having some bodies here. so i can leave. they have respite which i will def utilize.

    last night husband and i came up with a plan that on his two days off i'll give him two hours to go to gym in the a.m. and he'll give me time to go to the gym and get out alone in the late afternoon before dinner. i just have to go join the gym now. so that'll be two times a week. not much yet it's a start.

    than once the team's in i can arrange the respite to utilize. easy child even said it to me last night she said mom ill watch difficult child so you can get out alone i love you. thought that was sweet. husband is blind he's like you don't look that bad lol. i've also been sick cant' beat it so that hastn' helped.

    it's eventually going to come down to residential if this child doesnt' get the help or adhere to the help that this new cbt guy is going to give her and the team once their in. i cant' live like thsi the rest of my life. its' crazy. even today she fought for 45 min. to take a shower. i wont' do natural consequences i have went out with her dirty smelling dirty clothes on sorry too embarrassing for me!! :)

    did you guys realize it though? see i knew inside i needed more balance, yet seeing this picture they took of me wow i was in shock. my mom said you look like a worn woman who was maybe addicted to drugs??!!! sheesh she's really so sweet my mom!
  5. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Well... I left. But you can't exactly do that. Not with difficult child and "easy child".

    Ask your Mom for help for a couple hours???

    And if husband gets whiny about your time out? Tell him - from me - Seriously, dude, GROW UP.
  6. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    If nothing else, with your kids ages, you can just lock yourself in the bathroom or your bedroom for an hour put your headphones on and veg out. If the house is on fire you will smell it...lol. Normally you would get the time she is in school to at least re-group but you dont have that so I think you need to somehow structure her day so you get some short breaks away from her at least in another room. She needs to do some computer activities in one room while you just relax in another. Or she reads or paints or whatever in the kitchen while you fold laundry in your room...by yourself!
  7. Jena

    Jena New Member

    i agree. yet her behaviors are sooo extreme i need to leave the house. it's time for me to get out a bit. its' too overwhelming from 8 a.m. till midnight plus each and every day of my life. it's also unhealthy for both of us at this point