difficult child and leukemia (long)

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by isisdrms, Dec 10, 2007.

  1. isisdrms

    isisdrms New Member

    Hi all,

    I used to post a few years ago during the absolutely worse times of difficult child's behavior. I have continued to lurk and have gathered so much info from y'all...

    About 3 years ago, I had to admit difficult child to the children's psychiatric hopital as I just couldn't take the verbal and physical abuse plus the fact that difficult child seemed to really be "losing it". Best thing I probably ever did, as the doctors and counselors gave us the help I've been begging for several years. This was during Middle School. Two years ago, difficult child started high school. I got him involved with FFA (raised a pig of all things... :nonono: )These past two years have been great for the most part with difficult child. He was going to school, passing his classes, and more importantly behaving (well...for the most part...)at home. For the first time ever, I have been able to say that I'm proud of difficult child and what he has accomplished.

    Unfortunately, last April, difficult child was running a fever I couldn't get down. Took him to the clinic, the Dr ran tests, and I get a call that early evening that difficult child needed to go right away to the ER...he has leukemia. Can you say SHOCK!! Here is a kid that never got sick, for gosh sakes we didn't even have a primary physician...just took him to the clinic. And now I'm being told he has leukemia??!!

    It absolutely breaks my heart. difficult child has struggled with mental disorders and we finally have it under control and now this??!! It seems so unfair but as husband told me this all started..."everything happens for a reason. We just don't know that reason is right now."

    difficult child is in remission but it's been a hard road. His body can't take the main chemo drug. It caused what is called a Methotrexate Neurotoxicity--very similar to a stroke. I was told by the Neurologist that if difficult child has not been taking Trileptal all these years...he probably would have seized and stroke.

    Anyways, Oncologist has never has a kid like difficult child. He was wanting to stop all medications but you can guarantee that I didn't let that happen!! :warrior: difficult child has come too far to revert. The Onc thinks I'm too hard on difficult child but I feel I have to follow the same behavior plan and consequences that were in place before ALL. Another problem is that the Onc and the Psychiatrist don't talk to each other about difficult child. I have to really keep on that communication failure.

    I just never thought that I would have to use the skills I learned in dealing with difficult child and his disorders and apply it to cancer. Instead of psychiatrists and school issues, it's now Oncologist and hospitals, researching different drugs this time and totally different school issues.

    That's my long introduction. I hope to get some guidance in dealing with difficult child. It's a fine line to keep him going forward and not giving up.

  2. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    I'm so sorry. Have no words of advice or even comfort, just wanted to let you know that we care.
  3. slsh

    slsh member since 1999


    Welcome back. I'm just so incredibly saddened to hear that your family, especially difficult child, has been presented with this new challenge. I'm so glad he's in remission now and will keep my fingers crossed that he stays put!

    I think husband has it right - there is a reason and we sure are *not* let in on what that reason is most of the time. Faith is called for, as hard as it is sometimes. Him being on Trileptal was a real blessing!

    I cannot know for sure, but I think I would do as you have - hold difficult child to the same rules and expectations behaviorally as before the diagnosis. Hopefully the remission will be long-term and he will need to continue to grow and mature, and behave appropriately.

    So glad to see you back. Again, welcome!
  4. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member


    I'm so sorry to hear that difficult child is so ill. We'll keep a good thought for all of you.
  5. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Mary, I didn't know you (I'm fairly new) but "WOW!", you sound like a very strong person!

    I'll keep your family in my thoughts and prayers!

  6. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Welcome back.

    Immediate prayers to you and your family for what you are going through.

    We may not be able to heal his body, but we can help with your spirit. You are in a good place.

  7. isisdrms

    isisdrms New Member

    Thanks all. If anyone would understand, I figured it'd be this group. I forgot to put difficult child also has ODD (already fixed that..lol). And believe me, that ODD can really rear it's ugly head especially when difficult child is in the hospital. That's when we (meaning me and xh) have to apply consequences.

    I've been told I should write a book about all this cuz it sometimes it seems I have two husbands :smile: My Ex doesn't work so stays at my house during the day to help with difficult child. I guess Ex gets bored or something, because he'll empty the dishwasher, take out the trash, etc. That kinda blows my mind :surprise:

    But we gotta do what we gotta do for difficult child...well...to a point...lol.

  8. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    Welcome Back :flower:

    I'm so sorry that difficult child has been so ill. But I too believe God does have a plan. (it would just be nice if He'd be a bit clearer about what that plan is at times)

    I think you made the right decision about following thru with difficult child's treatment/concequences behavior plan while going thru all of this. Life does go on. An important lesson for difficult child to learn. Heck, an important lesson for anyone to learn. Plus I'm sure it was a comfort to difficult child to have that constant in his life while everything else was chaos.

    I'm glad he's in remission. I'll be praying he stays that way.

  9. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    Dear Isis,

    I remember you. Welcome back - regardless of the cicumstances you know you're thought of fondly here.

    I am so sorry to hear about your son's lukemia diagnosis. Your written words have such a calmness about them. I don't know after all you've been through how you do it.

    If you ever just need to write what is in your heart - this is a good place for it. Lot's of understanding fellows in our ranks.

    Many hugs - and re-welcome
  10. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member


    glad that you felt you come back and share your story. I'm sorry that difficult child has leukemia. I will pray that he stays in remission. It sounds like you have worked it out as a family.

    Please stick and around and share.

  11. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member

    Mary, welcome back!

    Sorry to hear of difficult children illness. That must be very difficult to process. I think I would go with what husband says as well. It is pretty cool that your have Exh there to help with difficult child.
  12. Mary,

    Many gentle hugs and prayers going up! I know well how overwhelming the medical issues can be on top of all the others. Please be kind to yourself while you are doing so much for difficult child.
  13. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I'm really sorry about his, and hope he beats this. Prayers to your family.
  14. mrscatinthehat

    mrscatinthehat Seussical

    I will keep your family in my thoughts.

  15. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    (((((Hugs))))) to you isisdreams and your difficult child. That's a very tough road to be on. Doesn't seem fair for a family to have to deal with so many tough issues on top of eachother. Hopefully, your husband's wise words will be of some strength and comfort to you as you fight this new battle for your difficult child. It's so hard to understand why hardships come our way, but I'm a firm believer that there is always something positive that can come out of it.

    When my difficult child 1 was diagnosis'd with an autoimmune disease two years ago, it was very stressful and emotional for me to cope with on top of the difficult child-related issues. The one big positive that came out of all his tests, procedures, medications, and an "almost" surgery was that it brought my son and I closer together and put him more in touch with his feelings.

    I hope that the "silver lining" makes itself evident to you and your difficult child, too.

    Hang in there! :angel: