difficult child and our spring trip

[exhausted]

So we are planning to go to Mesa Verde for a few days during spring break. We have not been able to vacation because of difficult child being in RTCs and us having to save money and be there to attend meetings. She told me it was a lame trip and she wasn't going. It is something my husband loves (ancient history) and I have never been. It will be cheap and it gets us somewhere warm, where we can walk and climb and be active. I can't leave her here to torment my son-it's not fair to him. God knows what she will do here.

I had a dream last night that I hired the huge bouncers that took her to the first Residential Treatment Center (RTC). They put her in our car, set the child locks and away we went. Loved that dream because I so want to MAKE her do something. I am mad at myself for still wanting this-but I do.

The thing is, she always protests and then when we get there, she has a blast-this is true of day trips, which is all we have done in 2 years. She even told me that she knows we won't go if she won't go. She is" he)) bent for leather" to control us. I am so freaking mad. If we let her win on this one..... If we go and leave her then we are being stupid. Though she hasn't been stealing-who knows what she may do when we are gone. She might have people (druggies, men, ??/) over or destroy things, or, or, or! I wish my big husband and son would just pick her up and stuff her in the car. You darn pain of a kid!

 

[pinevalley]

I don't blame you at all for being furious at your difficult child. You and your husband have been looking forward to this vacation, and you don't want this trip to be ruined by your daughter. These difficult child's want to have total control of us, and these power struggles can be so stressful for everyone. I know exactly what you mean about your difficult child complaining about any trip, but then she has a great time when she actually goes on the trip. My son does the exact same thing to us. He used to whine and complain that he did not want to go on any family vacation, that they were all boring and he would hate every minute of it. My h and I never listened to this whining, and we told our difficult child that he was coming on all our trips with us. As soon as he was on a trip he always had a good time, even if he was forced to talk to his parents (a horrible thing for any teen!) We still let our difficult child text his friends when he was on vacation, and he probably was texting about how bored he was on the trip. But I think most of the time he said that because he did not want to let his friends know that he was having a good time with his parents.

Would your h be willing to be firm with your difficult child, and can he tell her that she is definitely coming on this trip whether she wants to or not? Your difficult child is still a minor in most places, and you have every right to tell her that she does make all the rules in your family.

Good luck, and I really hope that you can get away on this trip. I'm sure that it will be good for all of you to have some fun and enjoy a new place for a change.

 

[Nancy]

I would tell her that either she comes with the family or she finds someplace else to live while you are gone. And then make sure all locks and door codes are changed.

Nancy

 

[Kathy813]

No, no, no!! Do not leave her in your home alone. We made that mistake last summer when we thought our difficult child was doing well. She went on a drinking binge, had people over that we told her not to have in our home, and forged a check on our account. Somehow our basement window was smashed, too, and difficult child claimed someone was trying to break in. We still don't know the real story.

If your difficult child won't go with you, tell her she will have to find a place to stay and make sure that she doesn't have a key.

been there done that and it wasn't pretty.

~Kathy

 

[Tiredof33]

I remember not being able to take a promotion because it meant I would be working evenings and I knew my difficult child would be having street parties!

My daughter just took her easy child's on vacation, and yes, the teens do like to complain to their peers even when they are actually having a good time lol!!

You do deserve a vacation!!

 

[exhausted]

She doesn't have a key now and never will at the rate she is going. The window thing is a worry. I do think husband will be firm, but I have to tell you, she forces these issues to the point where I think he will have to pick her up and put her in the car. He does not like getting to this point because he is so mad at her he worries he will hurt her. I have thought about telling her to find a place (I don't think she can). My worry is she will try to come home while my son is here or prey on him for a ride or money. He is doing his best to stay out of her radar but why should he have to deal with her? I think we try the find a place to stay thing and if she does by a miracle, we will instruct our son to keep doors locked and not to answer any calls from her. I hope she agrees to come. I am stinkin mad at her-its an obsession with her to control everything and hold us hostage when ever possible. I think she almost enjoys it.

 

[DDD]

Yep! difficult child you have two choice. (1) join the family on vacation or (2) find a prearranged safe family to join for the duration.
That's it. Really an empty house is too much temptation...even for easy child's. Hugs. DDD