N
Nomad
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Up for discussion among the men in my household is that difficult child was not invited to an important wedding coming up soon.
It's concerning me, but for whatever reason (not entirely sure yet), not as much as husband and my son.
Some background: difficult child did not go to our son's wedding about two years ago. That caused TREMENDOUS family upset. We are a tiny family, we did everything in our power to accommodate her and it just about ripped my guts out. Family photos were particularly upsetting. There were no grandparents (three deceased and the other estranged) and few other relatives as husband and I are only children and my closest relative, a cousin, had just passed away and her family was still in mourning and did not come.
difficult child did nothing but cause confusion/chaos and at the last minute chose not to attend and then of course right after the wedding regretted it and tried to get us to help her get to the wedding location (out of town) afterwards.
We have very close family friends who have become surrogate family to us. We've known them for perhaps two decades. They have been with us through all ups and downs. They were at son's wedding and sat at the "family" table. They filled in for any and all special needs.
Flash forward....
One of those children, is getting married. It is the older daughter. difficult child was very friendly with her younger sister (and still is generally). Years ago, she was kinda friendly with the older daughter (the one getting married...I'll call her N.) I have suspected that N. has been quietly noticing all of difficult children antics over the last few years and does not approve.
Stress has been over the top of late for this lovely family and money a bit tight etc. and perhaps at least partly because of that, she (difficult child) was not invited to N.'s wedding. However, husband and I were, our son and his wife were, etc. difficult child is the only person from our immediate family not invited and I have not asked any questions. The lack of invitation is noticeable.
Son is concerned that difficult child will see photos on facebook and she will fall apart.
Do we ever tell her? Tell her before? Afterwards? Tell her WHAT? Should she know the truth and that is that N. likely doesn't consider her stable enough material to attend her wedding?
Personally, I simply see it as a consequence of her actions...nothing more and nothing less. Weddings are expensive and a treasured day. There is no reason to invite likely trauma and/or confusion.
Any thoughts?
It's concerning me, but for whatever reason (not entirely sure yet), not as much as husband and my son.
Some background: difficult child did not go to our son's wedding about two years ago. That caused TREMENDOUS family upset. We are a tiny family, we did everything in our power to accommodate her and it just about ripped my guts out. Family photos were particularly upsetting. There were no grandparents (three deceased and the other estranged) and few other relatives as husband and I are only children and my closest relative, a cousin, had just passed away and her family was still in mourning and did not come.
difficult child did nothing but cause confusion/chaos and at the last minute chose not to attend and then of course right after the wedding regretted it and tried to get us to help her get to the wedding location (out of town) afterwards.
We have very close family friends who have become surrogate family to us. We've known them for perhaps two decades. They have been with us through all ups and downs. They were at son's wedding and sat at the "family" table. They filled in for any and all special needs.
Flash forward....
One of those children, is getting married. It is the older daughter. difficult child was very friendly with her younger sister (and still is generally). Years ago, she was kinda friendly with the older daughter (the one getting married...I'll call her N.) I have suspected that N. has been quietly noticing all of difficult children antics over the last few years and does not approve.
Stress has been over the top of late for this lovely family and money a bit tight etc. and perhaps at least partly because of that, she (difficult child) was not invited to N.'s wedding. However, husband and I were, our son and his wife were, etc. difficult child is the only person from our immediate family not invited and I have not asked any questions. The lack of invitation is noticeable.
Son is concerned that difficult child will see photos on facebook and she will fall apart.
Do we ever tell her? Tell her before? Afterwards? Tell her WHAT? Should she know the truth and that is that N. likely doesn't consider her stable enough material to attend her wedding?
Personally, I simply see it as a consequence of her actions...nothing more and nothing less. Weddings are expensive and a treasured day. There is no reason to invite likely trauma and/or confusion.
Any thoughts?
