difficult child attempted suicide last night, in hospital

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by tryagain, Feb 26, 2014.

  1. tryagain

    tryagain Active Member

    Found out today that my 20 y/o difficult child bipolar daughter became enraged and O.D.'ed when her boyfriend tried to get her to help pay for the apartment rent. **shakes as she types this**

    She had been wasting money from her brand-new job on frivolous things -as usual. She began throwing furniture and scared him so badly he left. At that time she took a huge overdose of psychiatric medications. He came back later when she would not answer the phone and found her throwing up and listless, rushed her to the ER.

    In hospital and will be transferred to psychiatric hospital in a couple of days. I don't even know what to say except I just had to tell somebody. She and my husband just called from the hospital (which is five hours away-he went up there and is helping sort through everything while I nurse my elderly mom who had surgery today!). difficult child was all perky like nothing had happened. She tried to minimize it to the psychiatrist who came by but he was on to it. We are at our wit's end.

    Maybe she has to hit rock bottom in order to start climbing upward. We have been recommended a psychiatric doctor in that town for her who specializes in patients who are resistant to treatment -he is a neuropsychiatrist. Don't know much about this field.

    Thanks, you guys, for listening.
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I am so very sorry that your journey took this turn. Many of our difficult children threaten suicide, however few actually make serious attempts to do it. I do not know if your daughter took something that could have killed her or not, but I do know you must be terribly scared and confused and not at all sure what to do.

    I am guessing that perhaps your daughter has pulled other stunts before when somebody upset her or she didn't get her way, although, of course, not being psychic, I'm not sure. I just know how most difficult children are. They will do almost anything to get their way and, in the process, make us feel guilty and, if possible, scare us out of our wits so we will do anything they ask.

    I am not sure what other disorders your daughter has...I am wondering if she is also borderline, which is harder to catch. Whatever is wrong, you can't cure her. All of us know, in our hearts and our souls and often in the backs of our minds, that our adult children could do something like this at any time and, even if a difficult child is only doing it because he or she is angry or temporarily wanting to die, the worst could happen. Fortunately, it did not happen.

    What can you do? Probably not a whole lot. You can't change her. I suggest, and I'm serious, that you spend time reading our stories here and our suggestions and take what hits you the right way and do it and disregard what you don't feel is helpful in your situation. There is much wisdom on this board. We all have some idea (not exactly but some) of what you are going through and we also have shared (and some still do) the sheer frustration of being unable to wipe their noses, like we could when they were small and we could make it better.

    I am a mental health patient myself and I am leery of any professional who claims to be an expert in those who are resistant to treatment. Why? Because EVERYONE can be resistant to ALL treatment. All they have to do is refuse to listen to the doctor and many of our difficult children refuse to listen to the doctors, to take their medication that is prescribed, to go to their therapy appointments, to quit using recreational drugs or drinking too much...if they won't DO the treatment, they are not treatment resistant...they are refusing treatment. If this is a big money drop for you, my own opinion, which is NOT the law of the land remember, is that I would probably not do it IF daughter has shown to be non-compliant with other doctors. She needs to WANT the help. The rock bottom thing isn't so far off. Some of the mentally ill won't admit they are, and need to hit the ground hard in order to accept treatment; some never do.

    I do not know your daughter's entire story and since you sounded so sad and your story WAS so sad I wanted to give you empathy, warmth and comfort right away without bothering to read the backstory. You need to decide on your own what you are comfortable doing to try to help your daughter, but be mindful that she may not let you. Any decision you make is the right decision for you, in this moment in time, and do not second guess yourself. Not today. Not while you grieve. And let yourself feel sad, but know that you do need to go on with your own life. If your daughter is a drama queen, this will not be her last performance. You can't change her. What you can change is your reaction to what she does and how you approach her after an episode.

    Wishing you as much serenity and peace as you can muster up for now.

    "God grand me the SERENITY to accept the things I can not change,
    "The COURAGE to change the things I can"
    "And the WISDOM to know the difference."

    When my daughter used to do hard drugs, I wore a necklace with that poem around my neck to remind me. And you don't need to believe in a God to take the rest of the wisdom that is there.

    We are here for you, on call, free of charge...24/7. We even work holidays. Post anytime and somebody will come to soothe your hurting mommy heart. Gentle hugs to you.
  3. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm so sorry. My daughter has threatened suicide multiple times and spent time in p-hospitals several times after suicide threats. Ironically, she overdosed and truly almost died but that was unintentional.

    Please don't blame yourself in any way. This is her journey and she has to figure things out. But it is oh so hard to watch them in the struggle along the way.


  4. tryagain

    tryagain Active Member

    MWM and Kathy, it is obvious that you to have huge and warm hearts. Thank you so much for writing. I could relate to everything you said.

    I have come to this site periodically over the last three years whenever my difficult child had me upset. Yes MWM, you are correct -she has threatened suicide numerous times but this is the first time she actually took some of her psychiatric medications. And I have long felt that she must be borderline as well.

    We called her longtime psychiatrist from her home town today and he said that the medications would usually make them sick and they will throw them up before they kill. He lamented that she had not been seeing a MHP although we were happy to pay for it in her new surroundings. You are right -they have to WANT help. I only hope this wakes her up.

    I will know more tomorrow and will update. And I will be sure to ask plenty of questions about the "resistant patient" idea-thanks.
  5. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh tryagain, I am so sorry. I have no experience with this, so I cannot offer any advice. I just want you to know that I read your post and I can't imagine what you must be going through right now, with your difficult child and caring for your mother too.

    Our kids and all of their many, many issues take us to the brink of sanity and back, over and over again........and many, many times, there is not much we can do once they are adults. Perhaps this will wake her up and she will find treatment.........I hope so. In the meantime, take some deep breaths, if you pray, then pray, I will pray along with you.

    We have been circling the wagons around many of us, especially this week, for some reason many of our kids have seriously gone off the rails, mine included.............we're here for you tryagain.................we're listening.............we understand...............we've got your back..........you're not alone...........
  6. tryagain

    tryagain Active Member

    Bless you ,recoveringenabler, and thank you for praying for us. I'm praying for you too right now and for all of us on this great site...
  7. Childofmine

    Childofmine one day at a time Staff Member

    Try, I just posted to you on JKF's thread before I saw this one. I am praying for you and for your daughter. I so understand what you said about hope.

    I hope (yes, still hoping!) that this event begins a new and good path for her.
  8. Scent of Cedar *

    Scent of Cedar * Well-Known Member

    Try, I am angry for you. Lately, it seems I am more angry than
    anything else at what our difficult child kids do, to us and to themselves.

    I'm glad mom came through her surgery alright, and wish her a safe and speedy recovery. I think it is wonderful that you are there with her, helping her grow into strength and wholeness again.

    How are you and husband this morning, Try?


    I am glad your daughter is fine, too. I know how the bottom seems to fall right out of the world, when we hear.... It's such an angry, helpless feeling. Like a big, black question mark overshadowing the days until the shock wears off.

    I'm so sorry, Try.
  9. tryagain

    tryagain Active Member

    Cedar, sending good thoughts, prayers, and karma back to you as well. Offering a hope and a prayer that today will somehow bring a little more stability for us all.

    Today they will be discussing which psychiatric hospital would be best for her. To me, whichever one she is going to cooperate with will be the best one, because her lack of follow-through and maintenance on her own has historically been the biggest problem. (I am sure you and everyone else can relate to that.) I will update when I hear from husband.
  10. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    I will include myself in praying for our difficult child's and our hurting and at times bewildered mommy hearts.
  11. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm here too tryagain. Sending prayers for your family. Let us know how it's all going when you can........
  12. SeekingStrength

    SeekingStrength Well-Known Member

    Hi..... wanted you to know that I am also here, reading your posts and praying for your daughter and your family.
  13. tryagain

    tryagain Active Member

    You all are the best. Pasajes4, recovering, and Seeking...bless you all.

    Update on difficult child: She was admitted yesterday to a private psychiatric hospital that she was in about a year and a half ago. I am frustrated because she is exhibiting the same pattern again: soon after admission, crying and calling us to come get her, making up lies, being uncooperative... It turns out she had stopped taking her medicines! So none of this is anything new. I am reminded of the proverb -you can lead a horse to water, but you cannot make the horse drink.

    I hope that they will try some new things with her because there's no need to keep trying the old things that do not work, or that she will not HELP to work. They said she would probably be there at least a week with her current frame of mind.

    I keep hearing in my head:"You just get numb..." Tequila Sunrise, The Eagles
  14. Echolette

    Echolette Well-Known Member

    I hope that the professionals can see through the patterns, especially since she has been there before. Sounds like with her resistance to help she will be there more than a week! This is an opportunity for rest for you..try to take advantage of it. They've got her. She and they can do the heavy lifting. You can go to the movies, go to lunch, get some sleep, try to let it all go for now, while it is easier.

    and yes, they do stop taking their medications. I don't know why, but once they miss a couple of doses (or use other substances that throw the balance off in their bodies..even otc cold medications, but certainly booze or street drugs)...the spiral is nigh unstoppable. But for now...they'll get her back on her medications before they let her go. That will help.
  15. Childofmine

    Childofmine one day at a time Staff Member

    Try, thinking of you this morning and praying that you and husband are okay and got some sleep last night.

    I wish our 20-something year old (and younger) difficult children could be put in cold storage until they reach their late 20s or early 30s. It seems like they are just too immature and brains aren't developed enough to do the basic things to help themselves.

    That is what I was thinking as I read your signature and thought about your daughter.

    I hope that they can get through to her at the hospital and somehow, there can be a better path for her that she will walk.

    Please keep us posted. Hugs and prayers for you today. I hope you can do something nice for yourself today---bubble bath, nice lunch out, walk in the park, watch a mindless TV show you like, take a nap.