difficult child back at Residential Treatment Center (RTC) after visit, wasn't enjoyable


I about lost it at Wal-mart. I realize I am the adult. However difficult child 1 kept complaining. She is 17 now. Has been in RTCs for a long time. She can only come home when easy child is not here because she has not had the sessions with her yet to be able to be in the same place with her. I went and picked difficult child 1 up on Wednesday for a couple of day visit. D/h volunteered me to do so as he had to work. difficult child has decided she is a vegitarian. The Residential Treatment Center (RTC) accomodates this. When she was home 2 weeks ago we made sure she had things to eat that were vegie approved. (Not my idea of what I wanted to do as it costs extra money to feed her a seperate meal. She was complaining about food, care and everything that the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) has. She was just on a roll. It hit me way the wrong way. Because of how far the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) is the gas to get her is high. The gas for our sessions is high. We go every other week at a minimum to where she is. We provide clothes etc for her. The place she is at gives her meals, her care, her education etc, etc. They are also working on the things she is going to get when she ages out. The money, the assistance with school & rent. The money they will give her just for graduating high school. And alls she was doing was complaining. I looked at her and told her she ought to be thankful that she gets three meals a day medical care etc because....and I stopped realizing what I was about to say would not be a good thing. It chaffs my hide that she will get all this help and easy child who has been the victim in everything. Not just in actual events but all of the fall out and then us never having any money when she knows what the others gets. I can't even get medical care. I know I probably sound bad and d/h doesn't understand my anger. Which makes it worse. I know I am ranting but it makes me crazy. I just don't get it. I know she is a difficult child and with the borderline she is selfish to extremes but how much do we really have to listen to before we lose it ourselves.



Well-Known Member
Learn to block it out and enjoy the activity at the moment. It will be a good lesson for her. She needs to see you happily going about your life. It is a good role model for her and all your kids.

Block it out with the idea you are doing it FOR HER. Makes it much easier, you'll see.


Hi Beth,
sorry it was not a good visit and I want to say I understand your feelings! My difficult child 2 probably would not even be a difficult child if it wasn't for difficult child 1. She also is the victim of abuse by difficult child 1 and also we can't afford many things for her because of all the money spent on trying to help difficult child 1. I so get where you are coming from! Don't beat yourself up for saying what you did--you have a perfect right to your feelings and it is a wonder you didn't say a lot more!

Thinking of you,


member since 1999
Well, Beth... it *is* all about them, you know. Sigh...

I know it grates on your nerves - I've nearly amputated my own tongue a few times. There are some days when I wish they had RTCs for parents. :wink: I'd like to get rewarded for making good choices, I'd like some perqs, I'd like staff and my family falling all over themselves to accommodate me.

Best thing to do is get a really good pair of ear plugs, figuratively or literally. They can't/don't/won't see the impact their choices have on the family - financially or emotionally. Most the time I can swallow the resentment but there are still times I really do not enjoy the whole situation too much (Queen of Understatement here).

Hang in there and you're not in my humble opinion being unreasonable or unfair or selfish. It's just one long doggone road sometimes.


Thanks for the support guys. I know I don't come on often but it is usually when I just can't figure out why I get looked at like I have lost my mind by husband. He looks at things so differently. (As in nothing outwardly phases him) Which can make things that much harder.