difficult child blew a major gasket - epic meltdown

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Steely, Aug 25, 2008.

  1. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    And I am so scared.

    He stole my Klonipin and downed 8 of them because I stupidly left them on the counter for one minute.
    I did not know until he had stolen ANY of them until he had this sort of psychotic reaction. It took me hours to figure out what had happened exactly, and at first he told me he only had 1, then 3, and then he went bonkers. Grandiose, violent, and extremely suicidal. Extremely. He also stole what he thought was Vicodin, but was actually an anti nasuea medication, Zofran. He swears he did not take them, but I think he did.

    I am the worst mom. I just fought back last night with him, instead of calming him down. I said mean horrible things, I was so scared, and yet I knew if I called 911 then I would have to spend the next week in the hospital dealing with those idiots. Plus I could not figure out what or how much he had taken until 8 hours later. How stupid that I could not just pick up the phone.

    Then he gets up this morning, threatening suicide even more.
    And I still do not know what to do. I have been through this so many times with him........I am almost numb to it all. I don't want to do the useless hospital thing that leads nowhere every time. I don't want the psychiatrist to tell me the same **** every time. I don't want him to die. I don't want to live this way.

    Thanks for listening. Everything had been so stable with difficult child. And now the entire bottom falls out from underneath us!!!!!!!

    H dead, harassment and retaliation at work, not getting along with my family, and now difficult child has gone off the deep again. Last night was the nail in the coffin. Somethings gotta give, or I am going under. God, please give me the strength.

    Yes, all medications will be locked from now on. How stupid was I to leave my medication on the counter. Perhaps it was because I was having a panic attack in the middle of the night, and I forgot to put it safely back away?:sick:
  2. house of cards

    house of cards New Member

    I'm sorry you and difficult child are going thru this, I don't have answers but I do understand the cold sweat fear when you know your child did such a thing.
  3. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Steely! Come on kid, you've gotta get a grip! You left them out by mistake, you had no idea that he took so many and you reacted like any human being would.

    How is he doing now? Is he more stable? You guys have got to make an agreement about what you're going to do if this happens again. And let him know that it could result in a long-term care facility.

    He needs to understand that more people end up in rehab facilities, drooling on themselves, unable to control their bodily functions for the rest of their lives because they do something stupid like this.

    Keep activated charcoal or syrup of ipecac in the house so that if he even take one pill that he shouldn't have, you will induce vomiting and then get him to a hospital.

    You have GOT to get this through your head - YOU ARE NOT A HORRIBLE MOM, SISTER, DAUGHTER, EMPLOYEE, MANAGER, PERSON AT ALL!!!!

    Things happen - don't use them to beat yourself up - everyone's done that for you.

    Love ya hon!

  4. bran155

    bran155 Guest

    STOP beating yourself up. We all make mistakes once in a while, we are human therefore that gives us the right to not be perfect. This is not your fault!!!! You did not intentionally leave those pills there for him to take. Besides taking the pills was his choice not yours. He knew better.

    As far as reacting to difficult child, who hasn't done that. In fact I did that today, sometimes we just can't help it. We are not robots. You are not the worst mother, you are a great mom who has, I'm sure fought tooth and nail to help your child. That makes you a warrior mom!!!

    I can completely understand you not wanting to deal with the hospital, I feel the same way. It does nothing at all!!!

    It sounds like you really have a lot on your plate right now and I am so sorry you are feeling so bogged down. I know that feeling of suffocation, like you just can't catch a break. It stinks. It will get better.

    I will keep you in my prayer's, truly I will. You always give me such great advice and send me such kind words. Hang in there. :)

    p.s. Repeat after me: "I AM A GREAT MOTHER"
  5. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    He is threatening suicide in a major way..........over and over, repeating it. He is delusional, out of control. Still. I don't know what has happened, things were fine for a year, and now, out of the blue this. He is out of his head. So now what? I have him transported to the ER where they do nothing. I guess at least he would be safe.
  6. slsh

    slsh member since 1999


    Yes, absolutely and without question, get him to a hospital. He's taken pills, he's continuing with the ideation, he needs to be evaluated now. I totally understand the frustation of dealing with yet another hospitalization but, for me at least, that was a minor price to pay for the reassurance that thank you would be safe. Nope, thank you's never been "cured", can't say anything really helpful came out of a hospitalization truthfully (and I lost count of his admissions around #24).... except I was confident that he was safe, that his depression and suicidal thoughts would not get the chance to combine with his utter lack of impulse control and we could at the very least avoid a tragedy for that day.

    Please - either take him yourself or have him transported.
  7. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry.
    I think I'd do the ER simply because he took so much and it's still going on.
    He'll get through it. Just make sure YOU do. :)
    You said you'll lock the medications up from now on--see, you've already learned something and you're already planning for the future.
    Why did he take them, anyway? I thought you said he was stable? That's an impulsive kind of thing.
    Let us know how he does. And you, too.
    Try to stay calm.
  8. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    I can't do this one more minute. I think I am gonna die.
    My boss phoned me in the middle of all of this, and I did not answer because I was embroiled in the trauma - and she had the audacity to just chew me out because I did not answer my phone. Am I salaried??? NO. Let me know when I am and I will answer my phone.
    I could be more suicidal than difficult child at this point.
    I need divine intervention - please pray or do whatever. I can see no value to all of this at this moment.
  9. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    HUGS HUGS HUGS!!! Get him to the hospital so they can pump his stomach or whatever it is they do. Then take care of you. And ignore the answering machine. You have a real issue going on that takes precedence over some clown's telephone hissy fit.

    Saying lots of prayers.
  10. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm adding in extra prayers. I agree taking him to the ER is very important and so is taking care of you. No, you are not a horrible mom-not even close.
  11. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It


    Cut yourself a break. On a normal day each of us has forgotten to put the medications away. In the middle of a panic attack - TOTALLY normal that you forgot to put the medications away.

    It was HIS CHOICE to take the medications. He knew better. The responsiblity MUST be HIS. HIS ALONE. If he was 7 it woudl be different, but he isn't.

    Get the boy to the hospital for an evaluation. Even if they don't do anything, you will know he is safe and can't hurt anyone. Esp YOU.

    DON'T buy ipecac. It is no longer recommended. Go to the grocery and buy powdered mustard. You put a tablespoon in a cup of water and have him drink that. IT iwll induce vomiting, taste terrible, and is much safer than ipecac. Straight vinegar or vinegar cut 50-50 with water will also induce vomiting in a safer way than ipecac does. Cheaper too!

    Make him know that any time you think he has taken extra medications, your medications, or anyone elses medications you will induce barfing. Sometimes that helps. Jsut decide it is the future policy.

    As for not calming him down, who wouldn't lose it and yell back. It was a stupid thing to do. You were already panicking, and you lost it. It is Ok. It really is. Forgive yourself.

    Get the cops or ambulance to take him to the hospital. DO NOT DRIVE HIM THERE ALONE. HE IS TOO BIG TO SAFELY TRANSPORT YOURSELF.

    Keep in touch with us. Let us know how it is going. Call his psychiatrist and see what he recommends. This may take quite a while to work out of his system. He needs to be inpatient.

    Tell work to go fly a kite. they can't have you on call with-o paying you. Esp if they didn't tell you ahead of time. And NO ONE is required to always answer the phone. Do you want me to send the witch a broom with-her name on it? I will even paint it black. Have paint, have old broom. Just need address.

    I take zofran. It may cause him to have trouble urinating. Esp if he does not have adequate water intake. The hospital should monitor this.

    I am sending big hugs. PLEASE don't beat yourself up over this. It was HIS choice. Responsiblity NEEDS to be on HIS shoulders. Ignore any comments made by your family or your boss.

    I am so sorry and sending lots of love and prayers.

  12. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    You and difficult child are in my heart and prayers right now. I pray this darkness lifts soon for the both of you.
  13. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Steely, please update us when you can!

    Call SOMEONE for HELP!

    Don't try to handle this on your own.

  14. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    Thinking of you and difficult child.

  15. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator


    I'm with the others that say this isn't your fault, but you need to get him emergency help now. This is way beyond what a parent or parent-support forum can handle, he needs crisis intervention.

    Please update when you are able.
  16. Please get him the emergency help he needs right now. We are all concerned for you and for difficult child. Stay strong. This is what he needs is professional help to get through what he is dealing with right now.


  17. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Steely...it is very concerning that taking that much klonopin made him more aggressive instead of putting him to sleep. I dont know what milligram you take but mine are .05 so that would have been a 4 milligram dose if he got my pills. Im fairly confident I would have been pretty mellowed out...if not downright sedated! I dont know what the addition of zofran would do to the mixture.

    The medications should have been out of his stomach by the following morning so pumping or making him throw up wouldnt help. That has to be a pretty immediate action. Im not sure of the half life of klonopin.

    I can understand your dislike of the ER and psychiatric hospital. They never did a whole lot of good here either. But in this instance I think you really need to have him taken in if for no other reason than to teach him that if you take too many pills you get a free 72 hour hold. Thats real life and being an adult. Hopefully they can help him in the process too.
  18. Estherfromjerusalem

    Estherfromjerusalem Well-Known Member

    Steely, what is happening with you and your son? please give us an update. I am worried for you and sending you strength over the airwaves to cope with everything you have going on at the moment.

    Love, Esther