she was with-dad for a week. they did fun stuff, she was happy. she slept there (unlike here) he has small one bedroom apt. and he sleeps on the couch to make sleeping for her easier. what can i say? i used to love being a mom. i do not anymore. my life has been controlled for the past 11 years by my kid. i do love her yet i'm worn out, exhausted, tired and want to live my own life to some extent. the usual events occured last night. tried tucking her in after giving her a natural supplement for sleep and anxiety i spent a fortune on at the natural food store in town. she - got out of bed turned light on - told me to leave her alone, give up she'll just keep turning light on and getting up. was nasty to me; defiant told me she'd rather be with-dad at his house. i am mean, i dont help her like he does etc. dad coddles difficult child huge huge problem for years. laid with her to get her to bed up till few mos. ago when i finally planted him. she bangs on our door when we try to close it, she screams yells carries on. than goes to fix her hair in the bathroom like she's going somewhere. locks herself in bathroom. we have been tortured for years with-this type of behavior except when she was on seroquel for a while. yet her sugars were too high adn weight gain was severe which lead to depression over weight. so had to pull her. our house is under stress. we get zero time together. we have to wait her out each night. that can be anywhere between 2 to 4 a.m. in the morning. so he goes to work exhausted and i'm always looking like what ran over me. i got script for seroquel xr, the pills are sitting on my dresser. i dont' want to give it to her, i'm tired of giving her medications that make me nervous that have been known to hurt young kids ( yup very small percentage) yet we all know deep down how nervous it makes us. she refuses to take it, the pill. refuses to take the natural junk. took one last night after 30 min of fighting and it didnt' nothing so i had to cut up a second one and she threw it on flr. when i stupidly walked out of room. she has only a few friends, only had 2 playdates all summer, no kids call for her, she joins nothing, she wants to be with me every min. of the day for the most part. it's years now since neuro psychiatric evaluations and all the junk i went thru and i'm in the same spot i was back than. lost. and to be very honest husband and i played around with-the idea of having a baby several several mos. ago yet once she began to pull thsi again i have gone to the other side ina way i never thought possible. i dream of the day him and i can live our own lives. sad but true. she does these things is horrible to me than the next day sweet as pie and i'm soo done with-her at that point it takes hours of hard mental work to even be warm and loving to her and it doesnt' always work. doctor's run from our case calling it complex, her last therapist due to personal reaons bailed on us. new therapy starts next week biofeedback, couldn't finda new pysch dr. so i have a nurse practioner part of a practice that's lead by a pysch dr. i'm just soo done. any words of anything???