difficult child came home last night and hell began again

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Jena, Aug 21, 2010.

  1. Jena

    Jena New Member

    :anxious:she was with-dad for a week. they did fun stuff, she was happy. she slept there (unlike here) he has small one bedroom apt. and he sleeps on the couch to make sleeping for her easier.

    what can i say? i used to love being a mom. i do not anymore. my life has been controlled for the past 11 years by my kid. i do love her yet i'm worn out, exhausted, tired and want to live my own life to some extent.

    the usual events occured last night. tried tucking her in after giving her a natural supplement for sleep and anxiety i spent a fortune on at the natural food store in town.

    she -

    got out of bed turned light on - told me to leave her alone, give up she'll just keep turning light on and getting up.
    was nasty to me; defiant told me she'd rather be with-dad at his house. i am mean, i dont help her like he does etc. dad coddles difficult child huge huge problem for years. laid with her to get her to bed up till few mos. ago when i finally planted him.

    she bangs on our door when we try to close it, she screams yells carries on.

    than goes to fix her hair in the bathroom like she's going somewhere. locks herself in bathroom.

    we have been tortured for years with-this type of behavior except when she was on seroquel for a while. yet her sugars were too high adn weight gain was severe which lead to depression over weight. so had to pull her.

    our house is under stress. we get zero time together. we have to wait her out each night. that can be anywhere between 2 to 4 a.m. in the morning. so he goes to work exhausted and i'm always looking like what ran over me.

    i got script for seroquel xr, the pills are sitting on my dresser. i dont' want to give it to her, i'm tired of giving her medications that make me nervous that have been known to hurt young kids ( yup very small percentage) yet we all know deep down how nervous it makes us.

    she refuses to take it, the pill. refuses to take the natural junk. took one last night after 30 min of fighting and it didnt' nothing so i had to cut up a second one and she threw it on flr. when i stupidly walked out of room.

    she has only a few friends, only had 2 playdates all summer, no kids call for her, she joins nothing, she wants to be with me every min. of the day for the most part.

    it's years now since neuro psychiatric evaluations and all the junk i went thru and i'm in the same spot i was back than.

    lost. and to be very honest husband and i played around with-the idea of having a baby several several mos. ago yet once she began to pull thsi again i have gone to the other side ina way i never thought possible. i dream of the day him and i can live our own lives. sad but true.

    she does these things is horrible to me than the next day sweet as pie and i'm soo done with-her at that point it takes hours of hard mental work to even be warm and loving to her and it doesnt' always work.

    doctor's run from our case calling it complex, her last therapist due to personal reaons bailed on us. new therapy starts next week biofeedback, couldn't finda new pysch dr. so i have a nurse practioner part of a practice that's lead by a pysch dr.

    i'm just soo done. any words of anything???
  2. Jena

    Jena New Member

    ok, i guess at the end of the day i either gotta medicate again and take my chances with-it, or just deal with it. just needed to vent.

    thanks for letting me do that.
  3. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    I swear I hate kids today too, Jena. It must be a NY thing. Was it a full moon for the last few days in NY only? Ugh. I'm down to counting the SECONDS until they go back to school. We don't start until Wed. the 8th and then they're off for Thurs and Friday.

    How long has she been back from Dad's? Could it be that she's still bouncing back?

    I feel for ya honey, boy do I feel for you!

  4. Jena

    Jena New Member

    Hey Beth!

    Are you having a hard time also?? For us it's been this way since June at least. I got a slight handle on tonight, I threatened her you can't talk to dad until you take two supplement pills, the ones that are supposed to lower the anxiety and promote sleep. she hated it, fought it the entire time. Her father didn't like it either yet I do not care. He has no clue what this house is like everynight. Nor does he have any interest in assisting in helping her.

    I think I just have to take it one day at a time for right now. I'm looking too far ahead and it makes it worse. When I look back than I look forward and see the same i get overwhelmed with desperation and loss of hope. sounds super dramatic yet without sleep one cannot achieve much.

    i'm glad your excited about school starting! good 4 u. a well needed break i'm sure :) for us, we are fastening our seatbelts. she's heading into middle school and the sh*t is going to hit the fan, iep is in place, modifications made yet i do not think she'll survive her day there. she could barely survive elementary school with two specials a week. she has to transfer to 7 diff. classes thru the day and open a locker alone.
  5. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Jena, sounds like you don't have much of a choice with-the seroquel. (Is that separate from the anti anxiety medications?)
    I think she's transitioning from her visit to her father, plus, it does sound like he really spoiled her. I'm thinking her sleeping cycle is off from being with-him, too, which is going to make getting up early very difficult. She's already got sleep issues and he did nothing to help.
    I hope that the iep includes someone helping her the first week, just opening her locker, etc.
    Try to get some sleep!
  6. Jena

    Jena New Member

    terry thanks.

    i found out dad lies with-her till she falls asleep. found out with-the seroquel apparentley they no longer give to children under 18 after that huge lawsuite for off label scripts and kick backs for dr.'s a while back. my mom's actually helping me find a new pysch dr. again, new evaluation, back to square one. since no one has ever really figured out how to help her. and i'm only a mom i've exhausted my abilities at this point.
  7. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I'm glad that your mom is helpinig you to find a new psychiatrist. That will help a lot.
    Once you get a new diagnosis, get it in writing and give a copy to her bio dad.
  8. barneysmom

    barneysmom Member

    Hi Jena,

    How's it going now? Is your daughter still unwinding after being at her dad's? It does sound like a transition that would send her into orbit.

    I hope she will start taking the supplements soon.

    My gfg13 has sleep issues. In our case, I think he uses not sleeping for a sense of control (he also did that with homework refusal last year). He has kept us awake many a night. He is just resolute that he "can't sleep." We bought him a nice weighted blanket (pricey) to help with sensory issues and he doesn't use it -- I'm using it! It's great -- really grounds me. Helps me sleep better. But even a nice weighted blanket make no difference if gfg13 is awake all night, banging around in his room or wandering the house, usually making a mess.

    I'm to the point that I would give him any medicine in the book, but nothing works in the face of his determination to power through.

    Have no advice -- you know it all -- do what it takes to get through. Find some ways to comfort yourself, even little ones.