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difficult child came home this am
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<blockquote data-quote="ScentofCedar" data-source="post: 40167" data-attributes="member: 3353"><p>I'm sorry, hearthope.</p><p></p><p>Ant's Mom is right. It never does feel good. The thing is that as long as the kids are making the choices they are making, supporting them while they do those wrong things doen't feel good, either.</p><p></p><p>It helped me to accept that truth.</p><p></p><p>Before I knew that, I was like a crazy woman, fixated on finding the missing piece, the thing difficult child hadn't understood, the secret knowledge he needed to stop doing what he was doing.</p><p></p><p>And then, I understood that he IS doing what he wants to do.</p><p></p><p>My choice was either to support him in doing it (drugs, in my difficult child's case) or not support him while he did it.</p><p></p><p>The difficult child's behavior is the only thing that does not change, while we lose bits and pieces and hours and days and years of our lives trying to figure out how to help them.</p><p></p><p>It was so hard for me to learn that.</p><p></p><p>I don't like to know it.</p><p></p><p>But because I could finally get that piece, I was able to start integrating the fractured facets of self I had created to isolate myself from the confusion, from the certainty that I had not taught difficult child correctly, or not been alert enough to change his path when I saw it begin to curve or SOMETHING.</p><p></p><p>It is hard.</p><p></p><p>But you can do this.</p><p></p><p>Barbara</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="ScentofCedar, post: 40167, member: 3353"] I'm sorry, hearthope. Ant's Mom is right. It never does feel good. The thing is that as long as the kids are making the choices they are making, supporting them while they do those wrong things doen't feel good, either. It helped me to accept that truth. Before I knew that, I was like a crazy woman, fixated on finding the missing piece, the thing difficult child hadn't understood, the secret knowledge he needed to stop doing what he was doing. And then, I understood that he IS doing what he wants to do. My choice was either to support him in doing it (drugs, in my difficult child's case) or not support him while he did it. The difficult child's behavior is the only thing that does not change, while we lose bits and pieces and hours and days and years of our lives trying to figure out how to help them. It was so hard for me to learn that. I don't like to know it. But because I could finally get that piece, I was able to start integrating the fractured facets of self I had created to isolate myself from the confusion, from the certainty that I had not taught difficult child correctly, or not been alert enough to change his path when I saw it begin to curve or SOMETHING. It is hard. But you can do this. Barbara [/QUOTE]
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