difficult child can be a real dope at times

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by hearts and roses, Mar 13, 2008.

  1. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    :faint: This is said all in exasperated tones....partly laughing...difficult child is such an @$$ at times.

    The child called out sick three times in her past pay period so when she received her check it wasn't nearly as much as she'd thought it would be. I told H that he was not, under any circumstances, to cash her check. She MUST deposit it into her account and wait for it to clear. She can set herself up for direct deposit, but has been too lazy to do so. Her problem.

    The other night I went on line to check my account and noticed her checking was overdrawn. She keeps withdrawing money from her checking but the little tard put the money into her savings. The bank has automatic check protection so they keep moving money from her savings into her checking to cover difficult child's withdrawals, so difficult child thinks she has all this money in there because it keeps coming out (well, now she has no money left so that ends). I called her and said, "Sweetie, you only have $120 until next pay period - make it last. Stop taking out money you don't need and wasting it. This is your first and final warning - I will not be giving you money for gas if you waste all yours running to boyfriend's house and out for coffees at Starbucks." "Okay mom, thanks".

    Well, the other day, difficult child and her friend breeze into my office at work and she shows me a brand spanking new tattoo on the lefthand side of her pelvis. It's a dove with a banner that says, "MOM" in it. Sweet, a nice gesture, but SHE HAS NO MONEY!!!! Of course, she was peaved that I reminded her she has no money now until NEXT Friday, the 21st and wasn't more excited about the new tat. <Mom slaps head and closes eyes in exasperation>:slap:

    On the upside, she has been going to work faithfully (well, except for those 3 sick days) and Monkeyboy has been showing his scrubby face around more and actually eating dinner with us, which I realize is so boring since it's just us, and really, what new news do we really have to talk about?:whiteflag:

    Just a little exasperating vent about how stupid difficult child can be.:faint:
  2. WhymeMom?

    WhymeMom? No real answers to life..

    You mean money doesn't magically appear out of those ATM machines? You actually have to EARN it? Another bubble bursts........

    Hoping she can figure out the money in, money out system of life......
  3. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    When I met husband years ago, the ONLY way he knew he had money is if the ATM gave it to him. What a dork.

  4. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    OH No - MY favorite ????

    But I just checked the balance WITH the ATM card and it says we have $XX.00 -

    DUH - I still write checks for a lot of things - like.....MORTGAGE - no one line payment center.


    Jo - Somewhere in my files I have a picture of a boy who went in to get a tattoo and could only afford to have it done in parts -
    When the tattooist found out the kid had no money he stopped inking - and left him with a partial name which made it look like he had DAN tattooed on his arm instead of Danielle....TRY walking around with THAT on your arm as a redneck! :surprise:

    GREAT JOB on defusing the situation at hand and the POTENTIAL storm. Hugs
  5. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    That's the reason I cut up our ATM cards and we never had them again. husband used that one often.:faint:


    In difficult child's defense......

    She still doesn't beat the woman I knew who got a job and opened a checking acount. Woman was so PROUD of herself. Next thing we know she's carting in stuff from every store in town. Since she was my neighbor's cousin, we knew she had no extra income and Dollar Store doesn't pay that well.

    So neighbor asked we all the money came from. Woman says My checking account! Then woman chastises neighbor for not telling her that all you had to do was write checks to buy things!

    Neighbor asked if she had money in the bank to cover the checks.....

    Woman asked what difference that made? :surprise:

    This is true, I swear on my life. And if I hadn't witnessed the conversation, I'd have never believed someone by age 20 hadn't figured out that to write a check you have to have that much money in the bank.

    difficult child will live and learn.

  6. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Oh, a girl I went to high school with was like that until well after college graduation. Her stepmom is friends with my mom. Chickie knew that if she was overdrawn the $20 she took out to party with was really $45 after you add the overdraft charge in. She also had total faith her dad would cover it.

    And he did. Drove stepmom nuts, but there wasn't much she could do. The bank woudln't stop giving her $$$ because they also knew dad would cover it (a bene of using a small community bank?)

    Funny thing - she was an ACCOUNTING major - and got a degree in accounting!!

    She did eventually marry. A guy in the military with very strict rules of honor. They now have kids, are happy, she keeps a tight budget, and is surprisingly nice (NOT what she was in high school - but I guess she dealt with all the divorced parents pulling her this way and that way issues).

    So give it time - there IS hope.

  7. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    My husband doesn't have a clue as to whether or not there is money, just an ATM that buys things. I just have to tell him "Don't buy anything else until payday, we're broke." He usually stops, because he can't figure out how to balance the checkbook without entering everything in it two or three times.
  8. Sue C

    Sue C Active Member

    Jo -- I am confused on a point. You did not want H cashing the paycheck for your daughter. You want her to set up direct deposit but she won't. But...you went into her checking/savings accounts online to see what she has in there to make sure she does not run out of money?? You have access to her password to look at her accounts? I guess I would let her learn a lesson on her own that she has run out of money or overdrawn.

    Melissa, too, runs threw money like it's play money. She, too, has tattoo's (3 now and wants another). She, too, refuses direct deposit because she likes to see the actual cash that she's earned. But I do not have access to her checking/saving accounts. If she screws them up, it is going to be her hard luck. We have warned her enough that we will not lend her money if she does that. We have told her to budget her money. Of course, then she tries to blackmail us and says that if she runs out of money, we will HAVE to give her money for car gas or she won't be able to go to work and will lose her job. Maybe we gave the wrong response on that one, but we told her then we would have to give her a ride because she was not getting gas money nor using our car and that meant she'd ONLY be going to work and not anywhere else.

    I know it's hard to let them learn on their own. Believe me, I know. Melissa is 22 and still has the mindset of a carefree teenager.

  9. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Sue, since my name is on her account, when I check or pay bills from MY account, hers automatically shows up on the screen. I am also on my easy child's account. I don't routinely go on line just to check their accounts. I just happen to see them if I even bother to notice at all. And the reasons my name is on their accounts is so I could transfer funds from the college funds account into theirs (now only easy child since difficult child isn't going after all). The "college funds" account was initially set up when easy child was a sophomore. Monetary gifts, my own allotted savings amount deposited each paycheck, easy child's saved money from her summer job went into it. difficult child never used it because she wasn't working and then left college after only 2 classes, so it's basically been an account primarily for easy child. Anyway, long story short, I 'hapened' to notice her balance that day and didn't think a reminder was that out of line. Especially since our goal has been trying to teach her how to stretch and budget her money. But I can see that no amount of effort on my behalf is going to make that happen.

    difficult child has about $27 total between her two accounts. She's gotten them down to .02¢ and .11¢ before. H is the one who will give her money behind my back, something I ask him not to do. And difficult child knows this. She doesn't get paid until next FRiday, so she until then to cover her gas for back and forth to workwith a mere $27 (not to mention running to MB's house). I don't know how she plans on pulling that off. I do not plan on giving her any money. I did tell her, however, she could probably earn a few dollars helping H with our building addition this weekend. But she stared back at me blankly. I guess she doesn't want to do that either.
  10. Sue C

    Sue C Active Member

    Oh, I understand now. Your name is also on her account. I have no idea how low Melissa lets her accounts get, but I'm sure they are very low 'cuz she'll make remarks about how she wishes she got paid every Friday 'cuz having to wait 2 weeks for her next paycheck is soooo long. LOL

    My husband will also give her money sometimes without asking me. Makes me angry. Like we always go out to eat (nowhere too expensive) after church on Saturday nights. If Melissa is with us, we of course pay for her dinner. Well, this past Saturday night she said she couldn't make church but was maybe going to meet us for dinner. Fine, we'll still pay for hers as she does still live at home and is part of our family and was going to eat with us. But...she decided she wasn't going to meet us but was later going to meet a friend and they were going to eat somewhere (I forgot where but it would have cost about $5). She told husband (while I was in another room) that because she WOULD HAVE eaten with us and we WOULD HAVE paid for her dinner, he should give her money to go eat. He gave her $10. :(

    She did volunteer to help husband with his business to earn some money. husband custom paints motorcycles for a living. He said OMG, no! You wouldn't know what you were doing and you'd goof something up.