difficult child can't get out of bed...

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by in a daze, Dec 19, 2012.

  1. in a daze

    in a daze Guest

    Haven't posted in a long time, but reading the posts by others in our situation has given me the strength to do what I know I should do...thank you to everyone!

    Anyhow, difficult child is doing somewhat better. The drinking is way down. He rarely goes out since he says it's not worth the hassle we give him with the curfew. Finally finished his degree but won't make serious career plans. The job with his uncle is four days a week. The trouble is that difficult child goes into the office any time he feels like it. Uncle does not seem to mind, just docks his pay. difficult child left for work this morning at 11 AM, much yelling at him to get up. It drives us absolutely nuts! difficult child picked up smoking and has a chronic cough which keeps us up, so he sleeps in the basement now. If we need to go down there in the morning and turn on the lights he has a fit! difficult child says he still has sleep issues and therefore has a hard time getting up even though he is on medication and was given counseling on how to improve his sleep, which of course he won't follow.

    On the advice of his therapist and p-doctor, we are moving him out of the house. They feel he will improve once he is not under the continual scrutiny of mom and dad. We do not give him money. He buys his own food, no more frozen convience **** or weekend carryout for him (he eats peanut butter and fish now! why didn't I do this a long time ago? Live and learn!) Asked for gas money twice this month and we told him NO. He has a bus card and a AAA card in case he gets stranded.

    The strategy is of course that hopefully he will work more hours and become a better money manager some day. In the meantime how do we survive? The place where he will be living won't be ready for a while (buying very cheap condo, bank keeps putting off closing).
  2. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    IAD, welcome back. I'm sorry you're going through this with your son. I am unclear, are you paying for the condo for your son? When will it be ready? If you are buying the condo for him, will he be paying rent? It sounds to me as if you are doing all the correct things in detaching from him. It's so hard on us parents. Until his departure, can you let go of the need to wake him up and let him get up when he feels like it? It doesn't appear as if there are any consequences to his behavior, but if there are, perhaps it's up to his Uncle and he to come up with those consequences. You seem to be enabling him by taking on the responsibility of getting him up. I know how hard that is, but as you said, it's driving you nuts. It's tough to deal with our difficult child's..........it sounds like you are on the right track. I hope it all works out..................stay strong. I wish you peace. (((HUGS)))
  3. in a daze

    in a daze Guest

    Thanks for the support, RC. They have delayed the closing for some unknown reason having to do with the lawyer for the bank. and it is driving us nuts. He will be paying utilities at least, food and gas. Salary won't go much farther. My husband has taken time off before the holidays and they both argue constantly! It drives us nuts to see such slacker behavior. The therapist told him to work it out with his employer, ie, he can stay later. He was doing that for a while but started coming home after about 7 hours.
  4. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    So sorry about the closing on the condo.

    You really are good parents on buying him the condo. Wish I was in a position to do that for my kid. Heck both my kids that have what I call failure to launch syndrome...lol. My youngest tries hard but has a really hard time finding places he can afford for very long on his own and my oldest simply doesnt seem able to leave the nest.

    Im surprised your difficult child is sleeping so much on wellbutrin because it tends to be one of the medications that wake you up. He may be drinking more than you know. Or his insomnia is worse than you know. I have bad insomnia and I really hate it when people, even doctors, think you can fix it with these sleep exercises. I have tried them for years and they dont work. Do people think I want to be this way for pete's sake? Right now I can go to sleep at a normal time but I wake up around 2:30 am or so and I cant get back to sleep to save my life no matter how tired I am until about 6 to 7 am. Telling me to just get up at 7 and stay up is fruitless. I have tried and it will still happen.

    Oh more to your post...lol. Sorry, I fell asleep while answering you!

    I do think you need to swallow up how very irritating he is down in the basement now and let him learn to get up on his own. You might want to give him the most obnoxious alarm clock you can find for Xmas. I hear they have some you have to get up and chase around the room to turn them off. While that might tee him off, it would probably wake him up. This is especially important if he has to be at work daily.

    It does sound like he works for a place where his hours are flexible. Or could be. Not sure exactly what he does but could his schedule be changed to maybe noon till 8 instead of an earlier time frame? I do realize you said he was coming home earlier but maybe if he was given a later start time he would do better or even put on a shorter work week like 4 10 days so he had 3 days off. If all that doesnt work, could he possibly go on disability and then work part time for your brother to supplement his disability income.
  5. in a daze

    in a daze Guest

    Hi Janet, he is no longer on Welburtrin, updated my signature. Condo closing scheduled for this Monday New Year's Eve...yay! Need to paint, clean carpet, furnish. He already works 4 days a week and has been staying later the last week or two. Got him dawn simulator alarm clock for Christmas...will see if it works!

    Thinking of applying for disability...He is aging out of our medical insurance in Feb... might wait to see if he can support himself but doesn't look good...How long does the process take, anyone know?
  6. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Applying for disability can be a long process taking anywhere from six months to several years in the worse situations. It took me 3 years to get mine approved and I have both physical and mental disabilities but that should never have happened according to the judge when I finally got to him.

    If you have records from his doctor's then I would get the application started on him now.
  7. Sheila

    Sheila Moderator

    Fingers crossed for you. :)
  8. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    The time he is taking his ambien and seroquel could affect his in ability to get up in the morning. I was on ambien for a while and it took a full 12 hours to wear off. Hence if I needed to be up by 7 am I had to take it at 7 pm. I no longer need it. I take valerian root instead and I get up easily and am ready to go. Getting disability is difficult. My son who is very clearly disabled was turned down. It usually takes many tries. -RM
  9. in a daze

    in a daze Guest

    Good idea. However, I think he's getting off the Ambien because of the events of the last few days.

    Friday night: Threw up, wanted another Ambien. Well, ok, you did throw up. Gave it to him.

    Saturday night: Put his medications out, then husband and I went out to dinner. Came back, difficult child claims I put two Seroquel out instead of the Ambien and Seroquel. No, I did not mix them up, as the container I took the Ambien out of had only one in there, and it was empty. The pills are white and round, but the Ambien is much bigger. Refused to give him another one. difficult child had a fit, complete acting out. First sobbing, then threatening to run away (we took car keys so no driving with possible sedative in system) took bottle of mood stabilizer (Lamictal) and threw it away.

    Sunday night: Since he is moving out anyway, got a 7 day pill divider and put his sleep medication for the week inside. I figured this would make him feel more secure since he is always very anxious that I am going to forget to put it out if I go out, even if I'm going to be home early. ( He has no access to controlled medication) Put the pill divider on the counter then we went out. Got back 2 hours later. He was sitting in the kitchen with the pill divider, said he was trying to "organize" it. There were 5 Ambien and one Seroquel missing. His speech was slow and slurred, gait was somewhat unsteady. Obviously impaired. Missing pills nowhere to be found. Got very agitated for the next two hours, insisting we give him another Ambien. Finally gave up and went to bed after haranging us for 3 hours.

    Right now he's still in bed, says he's going to get up at an undetermined time. I have a call in for his psychiatrist and his therapist. Happy New Year!