There's probably some way to send a friendly note to the staff... letting them know that you only found out about it on very short notice, and unfortunately couldn't come due to a medical appointment of your own. So that they have a heads-up about it... so that next time, if she pulls this twice, there will be an on-record trend. For HER sake, not yours.
difficult child checked herself into the inpatient treatment center!
- Thread starter Kathy813
- Start date
Fran
Former desparate mom
Hugs. I'm glad she made the choice to try to get help.
Don't let her make you feel guilty. You have a choice of where your time is spent and never again will all of it be given over to her. You have a life and you will fit in family visit as best you can. I'm pretty sure the staff is used to whining from patients about parents who don't care.
Don't let her make you feel guilty. You have a choice of where your time is spent and never again will all of it be given over to her. You have a life and you will fit in family visit as best you can. I'm pretty sure the staff is used to whining from patients about parents who don't care.
rejectedmom
New Member
Glad she did this and yes she may still be trying to use the victim card but most places so not accept this stuff. They make the patient learn to be responsible for their own actions. It is a process and it does take time but hopefully she will stick to the program and find a better path. -RM
DammitJanet
Well-Known Member
Im glad she took this step and hope it helps her. Fingers crossed.
We got a letter in the mail yesterday from difficult child. She said all the right things about being reluctant to go into the program initially but now sees it as a blessing. She said she was sorry for all of the things that she had done and was realizing how much she had hurt others by her selfish actions and that all she had cared about was herself.
Sounds great, huh? Sorry, but I'm not buying it. No one changes that much in less than a week. I still think she is working an angle to get to come back home after the 30 days is up. difficult child is one smart cookie and I think that she is playing everyone.
After all of the years of lies, how will we know if she does change? How can we ever trust her again?
difficult child told me on the phone that she was working hard and was almost finished with level 1. Can anyone tell me what level 1 is?
~Kathy
Sounds great, huh? Sorry, but I'm not buying it. No one changes that much in less than a week. I still think she is working an angle to get to come back home after the 30 days is up. difficult child is one smart cookie and I think that she is playing everyone.
After all of the years of lies, how will we know if she does change? How can we ever trust her again?
difficult child told me on the phone that she was working hard and was almost finished with level 1. Can anyone tell me what level 1 is?
~Kathy
DDD
Well-Known Member
Sadly, Kathy, I think your assessment is right. There is no instant metamophisis. In fact,in my humble opinion, probably over fifty percent of those at her facility are playing either their families or taking advantage of the "free" safe environment. Yes, there are success stories but thirty days of intervention does not change years of unacceptable patterns of living.
I don't know what "level #1" indicates at her center. Obviously it is the first step, lol, but it likely means that she has not gotten into trouble and has attended the required meetings. All facilities (that I am aware of) have levels and with the attainment of each new level there is some easing of restrictions. Personally I am hugely wary of short programs that end with "completed twelve steps". I think it is a crock. In thirty days you may have learned the words of all twelve steps but it takes a long long time to work the steps and incorporate them into your life. That is why I think it is necessary to transition from the intake program to a structured subsequent program like a Sober House.
My example is the twelve commandments for those who are Christian. I learned the commandments when I was probably six or so. I always got an "A" in religion, lol. on the other hand it took years and years for me to understand the complexities of those twelve commandments and years more to utilize them in guiding my life choices. Obviously I had no issues to speak of...but learning words and practicing concepts are two hugely different steps. DDD
I don't know what "level #1" indicates at her center. Obviously it is the first step, lol, but it likely means that she has not gotten into trouble and has attended the required meetings. All facilities (that I am aware of) have levels and with the attainment of each new level there is some easing of restrictions. Personally I am hugely wary of short programs that end with "completed twelve steps". I think it is a crock. In thirty days you may have learned the words of all twelve steps but it takes a long long time to work the steps and incorporate them into your life. That is why I think it is necessary to transition from the intake program to a structured subsequent program like a Sober House.
My example is the twelve commandments for those who are Christian. I learned the commandments when I was probably six or so. I always got an "A" in religion, lol. on the other hand it took years and years for me to understand the complexities of those twelve commandments and years more to utilize them in guiding my life choices. Obviously I had no issues to speak of...but learning words and practicing concepts are two hugely different steps. DDD
DDD you are so right. In the sixty days difficult child was in the treatment center she only got to step four.
Kathy my difficult child said the same things but it took her a little more than a week. At any rate we didn't buy it either. She told me later that they say whatever they have to in order to make it look like they are following the program. Any good treatment center knows this and doesn't buy it either. I always told her the proof was in her actions, not what she says. And sad to say we will never be able to trust her again.
Nancy
Kathy my difficult child said the same things but it took her a little more than a week. At any rate we didn't buy it either. She told me later that they say whatever they have to in order to make it look like they are following the program. Any good treatment center knows this and doesn't buy it either. I always told her the proof was in her actions, not what she says. And sad to say we will never be able to trust her again.
Nancy
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T
toughlovin
Guest
Yes it is the actions that count... and if she is angling to get home she will say whatever she needs to to get that. She may be sincere in her remorse for past actions but that doesnt mean she has the tools or will do things differently when she is done with the program.
And if she is lying to you she may be lying to herself and to her treatment folks. I really don't think you can have real recovery until you have honesty, with yourself and with others. Hopefully the center is good enough to call her on her bs.
TL
And if she is lying to you she may be lying to herself and to her treatment folks. I really don't think you can have real recovery until you have honesty, with yourself and with others. Hopefully the center is good enough to call her on her bs.
TL
