difficult child comes home from hospital on Fri...nervous wreck

[bran155]

Hey all. She is scheduled to come home on Friday, unless there is an incident. The doctor doesn't want to give her an exact date of discharge as he feels she will regress, so he has told her a few days. She, in the meantime is driving me nuts!! She calls 10 times a day questioning me about her discharge. I want to tell her just so she will leave me alone about it!!! (I won't)

I am very anxious about her coming home. She has been in the hospital 6 weeks and it has been so peaceful in my life and in my home. I didn't have to worry about who she was with, what she was doing or if she was making bad choices. My home has been peaceful and quiet, no chaos. It has been great. And of course I feel guilty for feeling this way, but as many of you probably feel similar, living with her is like living in the eye of a storm. I feel as though we are all bracing ourselves for her return. The poor thing is so excited to get back home and yet the rest of us are preparing to walk on eggshells once again!!! The worst part is watching my 7 year old son go from missing his sister to resenting her once she is here. She just loves this kid so much and it breaks my heart for her that after a while of her nonsense he just does not want to be around her. Understandably to you and I as he IS only 7, but to her it is devastating. Right now he misses her and cant wait for her to come home, however once she is here his feelings change. I try to explain to him that her brain has a boo boo and she can't help it, but like I said, he is 7, he doesn't really understand that. I don't think a 7 year old child has the maturity to feel empathy for someone who is cursing about the house causing chaos. Shoot - it's hard as heck for me to find empathy within myself when she is like that!!!

It's funny because on one hand I feel so disconnected when she is not home, I feel empty inside and really miss her. On the other hand I know how hard it is to live with her and it terrifies me to have her here. I am so worried that she will begin making her bad choices and end up in a situation that I can't get her out of. The irony of it is that I know she will have to "hit rock bottom" so to speak, before her life will get any better. I am just so scared of what that bottom will be. Aaaah, the roller coaster of emotions will begin again....... I hate this ride!!!!!

Anyway, just needed to vent a little. Thanks for listening. God bless.

 

[butterflydreams]

Oh Bran! I am so hoping for you that she will give you some peace. This roller coaster we are all on is not fun at all.

HUGS

Christy

 

[janebrain]

Hi Bran,
I know how you feel. My difficult child 1 was at an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) for 8 1/2 months when she was 16 and when it was time for her to come home I was not really looking forward to it though she seemed to be doing much better. My younger dtr could tell right away that difficult child hadn't really changed though she sure talked the "talk" as if she had. It took me longer to figure it out but I think in my gut I knew it because all sorts of little red flags went up pretty quickly.

I have found I love my difficult child very much but I can't live with her--think she feels the same way now. She really hasn't lived with us on a continuous basis since she was 15 with the rtcs and her living on the streets, etc. I will say though that at age 20 she seems to be able to take care of herself and is independent. We are able to have a pretty nice relationship now, I just make sure to keep my boundaries in place.

Let us know how it goes, we will be here to vent to if needed and she will grow up and be out of there--you will survive somehow! Hope your little guy does okay.

Jane

 

[susiestar]

I know how you are feeling. Can you limit her calls to you? What on earth is going on there with therapy and structure that she can call you so often? when Wiz was in teh psychiatric hospital it was always a calling card and limited times they could call or get calls - like 1 orr 2 hours in the evening. Even then they could only spend a few minutes on the phone and there was always a line.

So have you asked the psychiatric hospital to limit her calls? Can you, so you can see how she reacts to that?

Sending hugs andprayers she will be better.

Susie

 

[Christy]

Good luck with the discharge. Do you feel she has any any proress during the time she was gone? I hope things go okay.

Sending hugs,
Christy

 

[bran155]

Thanks guys. I agree, the phone use at this hospital is not limited nearly enough. They get certain hours to use the pay phone, I think it's 2-6, then 7-9. And they don't limit the amount of calls the kids can make or the length of time they can spend on the phone. Makes no sense.

Christy, I do think she has made some progress, however my experience with her tells me that once she gets home it will be the same old thing all over again. Not to mention, I think her medications are up in the air. I mean they want to send her home on Lithium, Lamictal and Haldol. The Haldol makes her sleep all day. She actually asks me, or whoever is visiting her to leave so she can go to sleep. I told the doctor I didn't want her discharged while still on Haldol as she won't take it at home if she is going to be sleeping her life away. To me, that's not stability, that's sedation!!! I have a meeting tomorrow at 3 and I will find out all of the details.

I will let you know what happens. Thanks again.

 

[KTMom91]

Sending hugs and prayers that things go smoothly for you.

 

[Wiped Out]

Bran,
I can relate to your feelings. I'm praying for a peaceful return and some positive change. Hugs.

 

[amazeofgrace]

<<<HUGS>>> and prayers for a smooth transition.

I second the limiting the calls, my difficult child I instantanously changes his mood after speaking with his "homies" he's like jekyl and hyde

 

[timer lady]

Okay, discharge is planned. What is the discharge plan? Are there "safety nets" in her discharge plan in case she begins to falter?

What are your expectations of difficult child when she gets home? I'd make that a therapy session before the day of discharge. When kt was discharged from Residential Treatment Center (RTC), husband & I had a list of expectations that we felt kt could & should handle. There were to be no excuses & she would accept an adult's decision as the end result. She would also accept the consequence. Our line in the sand was safety & medication compliance. We had our safety net for that as well in the form of our mental health case manager & an available group home. I won't use a "threat" of that nature unless I'm willing to back it up. Have had to use this with wm a couple of times; kt has seen the end result when wm made unsafe choices or refused medications.

AND I don't say this lightly to you. This is a difficult line to draw with our children. We are supposed to parent & nurture them. Their very illness/disorder frequently doesn't allow that to happen. When that interferes there must be a plan in place.

Just something for you to consider. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you this coming Friday.

 

[bran155]

Timer lady, yes I have something called STEP in my life now, new sw who is fabulous!! This program is very similar to case management. We have applied for every service available to the mentally ill in my county. We have put in for residential services if needed, independent living, a mobile psychiatric team which monitors my daughters medication intake as well as her therapy sessions and an array of other things that I can't think of off hand. We also have a court date on the 21st. My daughter came out of her last Residential Treatment Center (RTC) in Feb and we still are being monitored by the family court system. The plan is to changer her statis from a JD to mentally impaired, so she can receive psychiatric services she wouldn't otherwise qualify for with the JD title. Now what the judge and dss wants to do is another thing. My case worker at social services might go to court and request to have my daughter remanded and put back into an Residential Treatment Center (RTC). At this point I don't really thing that will be beneficial as she will be 18 in Feb and sign herself out. What happens in my county is, the child will be remanded into a lock up detention center while dss finds an appropriate facility, which usually takes about 4 months. So if my daughter was to be remanded from court by the time she gets to an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) it will be around Dec, she turns 18 2 months later. What is the point? Not to mention she has already been in 3 Residential Treatment Center (RTC)'s with minimal, if any, results. I really think it's a moot point now. She really needs an intensive DBT program. There is a 28 day DBT program in a hospital in MA that my new sw and I are trying to get her into. We will bring that to the courts attention and with any luck, the judge will agree, send her there and the state will pay for it. Keeping my fingers crossed for that. I'm sorry if this is a bit confusing.

We have a discharge meeting today at 3. My sw will be coming with me to ensure that there are proper things in place for my daughter when she comes home. I will post later when I get back and let you know what happens. Thanks for your advise and support.

Thanks again to all who have responded, it means alot.