Mikey
Psycho Gorilla Dad
In a couple of weeks, I'm going to a family wedding, and will see my Dad for the first time in about 12 years. Oh, we've talked on the phone, and even exchanged a couple of letters. But we've never been close.
Dad was never "Daddy", i.e. someone who lived at home. My parents separated when I was two, and divorced when I was six. Dad was someone who came to visit (or whom I visited) once or twice a year.
Without going into lots of details, my Dad was a major difficult child. He was also a brilliant ER doctor, a Navy SEAL, and Navy doctor for nuclear subs. What he WASN'T was a good father. Not to me, and not to the kids of his second family. He was always the one who wouldn't call me or my brother for months (when we were in grade school), and when we finally called him would say "I'm glad to see your broken hand has healed enough to dial a phone..."
When we were both finally adults, and I was in college, we found a way to have a relationship. But it was never a real Father/Son thing. There was something there, but not what I had with my own sons. And eventually, he went back to being the center of his world, and everyone else had to walk up his mountain to be a part of his life.
We drifted apart again, and not even the birth of three grandkids could soften him. It wasn't intentional - he was just a typical, Type-A Italian Male difficult child. I tried for several years, but it was pretty much all on me to keep the relationship alive. I did what I could, but as the kids got older I had less time to give to my "adult kid" of a father.
Then, about 4 years ago, he had a stroke. And everything changed. It wasn't until he was permanantly damaged by the stroke that he finally realized what he'd thrown away. I've tried in recent years to reconnect with him, for his health if nothing else. But after the stroke, he's not "there" very much any more.
Anyway, I got a call from his partner saying they were going to his hometown for a wedding, and could fly I down as well, as a surprise for him? Of course I could. But I'm very, very nervous.
I don't know what it'll be like. When I was young, he was bigger than life (if unavailable most of the time). As a young adult, he was a friend that gradually drifted away. As a father, he was not the wise, supportive Dad I needed, or the grandpa that my kids needed. Now, he needs me to play the part of a doting, loving son so he has some reason to go on living.
I do love him, I guess. But it's going to be hard. I already have one difficult child banging at my shields from below, and now I'm about to jump into a situation where my Dad will be needing me as well. I don't know if I can do both very well, but this might be the last time I see him alive. I can't let this chance go by to at least make on last attempt to connect with what's left of his spirit.
Wish me luck, and keep me in your prayers. I'll need it to get through that encounter while still having to try and keep my younger pothead son alive and out of jail from long distance.
Speaking of the Sir Pots-a-lot, he decided he's going to an all-day rock concert while I'm gone, regardless of whether we want him to or not. Good bands, but even better drugs from what I understand. Come to think of it, please keep my beloved, dear wife in your prayers as well. She'll need them while I'm gone, and she has to deal with him by herself.
Mikey
Dad was never "Daddy", i.e. someone who lived at home. My parents separated when I was two, and divorced when I was six. Dad was someone who came to visit (or whom I visited) once or twice a year.
Without going into lots of details, my Dad was a major difficult child. He was also a brilliant ER doctor, a Navy SEAL, and Navy doctor for nuclear subs. What he WASN'T was a good father. Not to me, and not to the kids of his second family. He was always the one who wouldn't call me or my brother for months (when we were in grade school), and when we finally called him would say "I'm glad to see your broken hand has healed enough to dial a phone..."
When we were both finally adults, and I was in college, we found a way to have a relationship. But it was never a real Father/Son thing. There was something there, but not what I had with my own sons. And eventually, he went back to being the center of his world, and everyone else had to walk up his mountain to be a part of his life.
We drifted apart again, and not even the birth of three grandkids could soften him. It wasn't intentional - he was just a typical, Type-A Italian Male difficult child. I tried for several years, but it was pretty much all on me to keep the relationship alive. I did what I could, but as the kids got older I had less time to give to my "adult kid" of a father.
Then, about 4 years ago, he had a stroke. And everything changed. It wasn't until he was permanantly damaged by the stroke that he finally realized what he'd thrown away. I've tried in recent years to reconnect with him, for his health if nothing else. But after the stroke, he's not "there" very much any more.
Anyway, I got a call from his partner saying they were going to his hometown for a wedding, and could fly I down as well, as a surprise for him? Of course I could. But I'm very, very nervous.
I don't know what it'll be like. When I was young, he was bigger than life (if unavailable most of the time). As a young adult, he was a friend that gradually drifted away. As a father, he was not the wise, supportive Dad I needed, or the grandpa that my kids needed. Now, he needs me to play the part of a doting, loving son so he has some reason to go on living.
I do love him, I guess. But it's going to be hard. I already have one difficult child banging at my shields from below, and now I'm about to jump into a situation where my Dad will be needing me as well. I don't know if I can do both very well, but this might be the last time I see him alive. I can't let this chance go by to at least make on last attempt to connect with what's left of his spirit.
Wish me luck, and keep me in your prayers. I'll need it to get through that encounter while still having to try and keep my younger pothead son alive and out of jail from long distance.
Speaking of the Sir Pots-a-lot, he decided he's going to an all-day rock concert while I'm gone, regardless of whether we want him to or not. Good bands, but even better drugs from what I understand. Come to think of it, please keep my beloved, dear wife in your prayers as well. She'll need them while I'm gone, and she has to deal with him by herself.
Mikey