Yesterday my mother in law was to be honored in retiring from her service in a church position over the years. I had texted JT in advance about it in case he wanted to come. He replied, "OK. I'll do my best to wake up in time." The service started at 10 a.m., by the way, and JT was not working the night before. The service went along fine, however, we didn't think JT had shown up. We found out afterward he was there, but had sat upstairs in the balcony, likely because he showed up late. Anyway, it was a good sign that he came. He didn't shave, and he didn't remove his hat, which I find disrespectful, but those are minor issues, relatively speaking. There was a cake and punch reception afterward. Somewhere in there, JT approached Bubby and asked him if he wanted to go fishing with JT that afternoon. Well, of course, Bubby did. The problem? We don't trust JT to have Bubby with him unsupervised. So, we had to say no unless one of us were able to come along as well. Of course, Bubby wanted to know why the answer was no, and husband stated that we couldn't fully trust JT because he has made some choices that we do not agree with and we need to be sure he is safe. Bubby responded that JT is over 18 and is old enough to make choices. Oh boy! JT was there and was aware of all of it. More than once we have asked JT not to talk to Bubby about plans without talking to us first. Bubby is on the autism spectrum and easily gets stuck emotionally. This was no exception, and Bubby was very hurt and disappointed he wouldn't be going fishing with JT. He had difficulty getting past this, but eventually he did when he shifted gears and was happy we were going to visit his grandparents afterward. I did thank JT for showing up and told him it was nice to see him there. husband told JT that we would have to talk about some things before we something like that fishing thing could happen; that some things would have to change. JT nodded. Later, husband shared with me that he felt very upset and wished he hadn't been as angry in the interaction. I know he felt angry, and it showed, but not significantly, as we were in a crowd of people at the reception. This is the part I struggle with. JT was upset that we wouldn't allow him to take Bubby. He sarcastically commented to his grandfather, "Well, I tried!" His grandfather said that maybe he needed to try differently. Then JT said, "It figures you would take his (meaning husband's) side!" Then, he left in his very loud truck, driving off in a huff. As many of you may recall, the last interaction I had with JT was a one-line text message in the middle of the night that he was drunk. JT has been struggling with underage drinking, smoking, and at least prescription drug use. He does not pay his bills, and he is in constant, short-term sexual relationships with varying women. His attitude is difficult to tolerate, and he takes no responsibility for either his poor choices or the effects those choices have on others. I worry about Bubby being with JT for a whole host of reasons, not the least of which are alcohol and drug use, smoking, swearing, knives, guns, lighters, lack of supervision, carelessness, and the types of people JT hangs around with. YET . . . JT feels like HE is the one getting the raw deal here? He really thinks it is unfair that we won't let him take Bubby alone someplace with him, given everything that has happened lately? Poor JT? It is amazing to me how he turns this around. My husband said that he does end up feeling as though he is the "bad guy". But why? What parent, in his/her right mind, would allow their young child to be in the care of or in a position to be influenced by a difficult child? It's just another indicator that JT takes zero responsibility for the effects of his behavior on others. He makes a big deal that his parents don't respect him, but he has done nothing to earn it. He feels entitled to our unconditional acceptance of everything he is doing, destructive or not. husband says that he doesn't want to pretend that everything is fine when it is absolutely not. He thinks JT does a great job fooling other people, but says we are not fooled and know what we're really dealing with.